I was born at a time when fear pervaded and invaded every aspect of life, a fear State, over the greatest dictator that ruled Uganda. This fear and tension filled not just the state but my parents and their home. I know my dad is fearless, he has a deep faith that keeps him holding on and hoping whatever comes his way, my Mother does too, yet am sure any mother would worry if her husband worked for Idi Amin, worked in his office as a personal secretary and adviser on religious issues,. My dad did not only work at the President’s office, he also run an underground church at our Tank Hill home, on one of the major hills in Kampala. At a time when Idi Amin had banned Christianity and all other faiths, one wonders why he would want my dad of all people a Christian to be his religious adviser and secretary. Am sure my mother was fearful, carrying me in her womb and having four children already, she must have wondered what would happen if my father disappeared. After all by then he had received several death threats from Idi Amin but miraculously survived them.

My dad often wondered why I was such a fearful child, am not surprised he has always wondered because going through Idi Amin’s regime and several others, I think his generation has had to tame emotions, otherwise they would probably all be mentally messed up people. Today after I told my roommate my story seeing as we were reading about Idi Amin for class, I reflected on that time, her shock made me realize that in some way my mother must have been afraid most or all of the nine months she was expecting me. After all that is when David’s dad had been killed, Stephen’s dad and my friend Dorcas from Shimoni. There was death around, she was fearful. That fear pervaded me too, and now I know where it comes from. After over 30 years I know where my fear comes from. It is such a relief.

Today I will embrace this fear, hold it and release it. Today I will remember that my mother was afraid for us, and what life would be for her alone if my father were to disappear forever. But he did not, and will live for a long time because he hoped beyond hope, and kept going fearless. Today I will let go of my mother’s fear and embrace my dad’s Faith and Bravery.