After the Final Rose
Written by
Marcia Fine
March 2011
Written by
Marcia Fine
March 2011

In the words of Jean Rubin:

I confess to watching the finale of “The Bachelor,” a most-un-gratifying pastime. I TIVO it and then watch when Maury’s reviewing a golf tournament from ten years ago or repeating the bombing of Dresden from the History Channel.

 Not only does Brad have bad grammar (It’s “with Em and me.” Not “I”. I know I’m not the Grammar Police but if you’re going to be on a reality show, you need to know how to communicate. Even if it’s only giving grunts like the kids on “Jersey Shore.”), but he’s boring. He speaks in a monotone and she’s Barbie. When do they talk about politics, religion and spirituality? What if he likes to kill animals and she supports PETA? Or he’s a card carrying member of the Tea Party and she’s a Green? When do they get to that stuff?

Also, why don’t they have boxes of tissues on a show like this? Wouldn’t Kleenex just love the product placement? Why did the dumped girl, who was a bit too enthusiastic for his family, have to slobber down her face, hand and arm before they cut to a commercial? Couldn’t someone have just handed her a tissue? Even a crumpled one? As women we always say it’s clean but it got wrinkled on the bottom of our purse. In reality only Maury actually takes those from me. Even the grandkids turn up their nose at those. In the last episode everyone cried–the girls, the bachelor, his mother, his family members. It was one wet, sobbing heap.

This romance is staged from the opening of young women arriving in cocktail dresses to the dangerous “dates” the producers put together. My favorite is when they take the bachelor home to meet their families. One time a grandma sans teeth shook her finger at the unsuspecting guy. But finally, who wears a push up bra under her wet suit? Call this the unreality of reality shows!

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