I Survive
Written by
Jennifer Hazard
October 2010
Written by
Jennifer Hazard
October 2010
I no longer fear telling my story but embrace the opportunity to share my experiences. I share because I know I am not alone, and because I know that out there somewhere there is someone who believes she is. When I envision that woman I see a thin, anxious young woman sitting alone at the kitchen table with the hum of the refrigerator as the only sound besides her own beating heart. The wall clock reads 2:15, bars closed a half an hour ago. She opens another beer in the hopes it will steady her nerves. The light feels too bright. The refrigerator with its incessant drone seems too loud. She needs to hear when the front door opens so she can be prepared. She needs to be ready to do whatever it takes to keep him calm; to keep him quiet so he won’t wake the baby. The hands on the clock continue their eternal journey, around and around, predictable, steady, dependable. Now it is 3 am. Maybe he won’t come home tonight; she almost dares to feel relief. There was a time when she would be heartbroken, frantic with jealousy when he didn’t come home. She knew he was with another woman. Now she secretly hopes he will latch on to one of these women; that this woman will take him away from her, save her from him. That woman was me, about 25 years ago. I was Anorexic, regularly experiencing migraines and panic attacks, and drinking heavily to numb the pain of reality. And yet I managed to muster enough of my survival instinct to come up with an escape plan. It took nearly two years of planning, hiding money and learning about my legal rights to manifest my plan, but I did and I Survived. IWS Jennifer Hazard

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