He's white, but I'm not
Written by
Kimberly Wesley
September 2010
Written by
Kimberly Wesley
September 2010
Interesting topic I wanted to put out there after reading another SheWriters blog. Interracial dating. Why are we STILL making it an issue?? It has never been an issue to me, and at the same time, I have never dated outside of my race. Not by choice I guess, because I have been attracted to many white men. And why is it such a issue when it comes to our writing? I write for my market, African American women, but I would hope that my novels reaches the masses as well. Mostly they are "girl friend" types of novels. I always compare it to "Waiting to Exhale." Women building their freindship bond, while searching for love. Sums it up pretty nicely, or think "Sex in the City." Or one of my favorite TV show "Living Single." So the audience is definitely there for these type of stories. In one of my WIPs (and there are many), one of the four girl friends announces from the start, "I need to find a good, strong, Black Man. My Mr. Right!" Well of course, she is constantly bombarded with all the Mr. Wrongs she could imagine. But all this time, she is close friends with a WHITE MAN who she never even considered could be her Mr. Right. Turns out in the end, he is. Most people just need to open their eyes and accept LOVE, not their idea of who they need to fall in love with. First just accept love, and know that it can come in many colors, shapes, sizes, backgrounds or whatever. (This I must deal with because I have tunnel vision with short men! I like TALL....but I keep it open to shorties too) I'm no authority on interracial dating, but I don't see it as an issue. It hasn't really caught on in much of my writing for me to be an expert on it. In fact, in that WIP, the character she eventually falls for started as a Black guy, but I thought it would interesting to make him white, to give her a reason why she never noticed him romantically anyway.

Let's be friends

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  • Kimberly Wesley

    Well said Kierie! And you're right, opening to dialogue and discussing relationships in general helps us. Not only me in my personal life, but me as a writer and how it relates to my characters. I try and keep it diverse, even though I write from an African American standpoint, I hope everyone can relate to what my characters go through. It's romance, and who doesn't love a great love story!

  • Kierie

    While you can see from my pic, I'm not in an interracial relationship. However we have been the center of much speculation from people who know us and the random nosey parkers one encounters in life. My husband is able-bodied and I have a disability. This is not to equate race with disability. They are distinctly different and neither is negative. What they can share is a sense of otherness. . .rather the otherness and lack of acceptance that may be thrust upon people from judgmental outsiders.
    I'm with Amy that the external is just the icing. Ideally the more we open dialogue about relationships based on what lies in the heart and in the mind versus the icing. Our readers will open their minds and thus have a domino effect.


  • Amy Wise


    Thanks for writing this. I wish everyone thought of interracial dating the way you do. My husband and I have been together for 18 years, married for 17 and we are always dealing with race issues. When we first started dating his oldest sister wouldn't even shake my hand (I was the "white devil" because her boyfriend had cheated on her with a white woman), his Mother wouldn't come to our wedding, his Nephew called him a sell out, and oh how I could go on. Fortunately after many many years of getting to know who I really am on the inside they all love me now and I love them! His Mom didn't accept me until she was on her death bed. Literally. It came late, but at least it did. It amazes me that every single week I have something to write about on my blog in regards to our marriage. I don't go out and look for stories...they just happen. Even in 2010. Thankfully a lot of our experiences are funny, and thankfully we have learned to roll with the punches when they are not because clearly we would not have lasted this long otherwise. I am all about teaching others that we are who we are on the inside and the outside is just icing. Who knew this would still be a conversation today! Thanks for writing. Glad to have connected here.