Written by
Candace Aum
August 2010
Written by
Candace Aum
August 2010
I think, that if there is one thing that totally consumes me, it is structure. Not other people's structure; my structure. When my days have structure, I am immensely productive. When they don't, I am a chaotic/neurotic mess. I don't know if most of you are like this, but I normally have a set time where I do most of my writing. Of course, I will write throughout the day, but I always prefer to get actual work done in the early mornings, typically around 6:30am - 8:30am, then after a break time, I will resume in the afternoon from 12pm - 3:30pm. These are the times where I am alone and least bothered by the other inhabitants of my home. Yes, I am an early bird, except tonight, which brings me to this blog. If my structure is disrupted, usually by my sleep schedule, I am completely thrown off. It is like putting an object in front of a roaming ant; block it's trail, and the ant's function is impaired. When sleep timing is disarrayed, I'm awake at the times where I should be asleep, and I am asleep when I should be awake writing. Then once I wake up late, I am bummed out that I missed my preferred writing times, and I continue the rest of my tardy day upset that I slept through production hours. It is a very easy cycle to fall victim of, because getting up late will usually result in not being tired enough to go to sleep at a socially acceptable hour, and you are waking up in the afternoon the next day. In the past few months, I have grown to be obsessed with keeping my schedule in tact for optimum productivity. It's gotten to the point where I deny my friend's offers to hang out when I know that the night is going to call for staying out late. It only takes one night to ruin a sleep-wake cycle. For me at least. I've had sleep problems for nearly my whole life so far. If I don't wake up early enough to tire myself out for the evening, I have an excruciatingly difficult time falling asleep before the wee hours of the morning. This is why I'm so strict about going to bed on time. And, it really isn't so simple for me to just "get up early". When I am tired in the morning and have gotten very little sleep, my priorities are completely warped when my alarm goes off. At that moment, tucked beneath my cool blankets in my air conditioned room on a summer morning, nothing is more important to me than going back to sleep. I've even missed exams before in this moment of warped half-asleep logic. Quite ridiculous. So, why am I up now? I didn't sleep well the night before last, and took a small trip to go rock climbing on only two hours of rest. When I got home yesterday from the trip, I crashed extremely hard. So hard that I slept way too much today and didn't feel tired until just about now. I have two options: I can load up on caffeine, pull an all-nighter, and correct my sleeping schedule by tomorrow, or I can get a healthy amount of sleep, wake up tomorrow afternoon, and be considering these two options all over again in 24 hours. I guess I'll just play it by ear. I truly am weird. -Candace

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