1. I never remember to cut Wally's finger or toe nails. On the rare occasions we have a sitter, she asks for the nail cutter as soon as she walks in. 2. I like to talk about not living in fear and letting kids be kids but I confess to an insane degree of catastrophic thinking ("I don't see the blanket moving; he's not breathing", "She didn't answer her cell phone, she must have gotten hit by a car" etc.) 3. I've been known to put Wally in front of inappropriate youtube videos with hallucinatory images of bunnies singing to trance music because I needed to get something done (and didn't realize the videos weren't for kids). 4. I have at times employed my sister's technique of a raised middle finger while walking behind Wally (when he can't see). Harmless but totally satisfying and helps me keep my indoor voice while indoors. 5. I let Wally play in the sprinklers on days in the low 50s, no sun. Other parents tell me to change his clothes (sometimes lending me extras) and insist I bring him home. 6. Last September I hesitated to put sunscreen on Wally in a blinding late summer sun because I didn't want my friends to get annoyed with me for holding them up on a walk around Governor's Island. 7. Many times I have tried to use junk food as a means of getting my little wiggler to sit still (but it never works). 8. I find it nearly impossible to go to bed early even though I know I'd be in a much better mood at Wally's 5 am wake up call if I did. 9. On the day of my jello shots get-together I let Wally take an absurdly long nap even though I knew he wouldn't sleep as well that night just so I could finish the creamsicle and margarita shots. 10. Sometimes I tell Wally I have to change his diaper so he'll let me continue reading tabloid magazines. It's the only way he'll steer clear.