Diary of a Phenomenal Woman(2) - Bliss...NOT!!!
Ok, so I composed this self-proclaimed absolutely awesome, absolutely pretty and peaceful post this morning. It was early in the morning, on a glorious rainy Saturday morning, as I was listening to Beethoven’s “For Elise”, while my little family was asleep. The silence was utterly supreme, a magical moment that inspired me so much that I even entitled the blog post I was then composing “Bliss.” It was all perfect, this incredibly stable balancing act between motherhood, marriage, my love for writing, along with all the other hats I’ve been managing to pull off lately. Bravo! All of it flowed merrily together…until by some magical operation of the Spirit, my entire post disappeared, just vanished into thin air. What ?!?!?!?!?!?Exactly about 58 seconds and a half later, a loud shriek coming almost from the inside of the walls of my lovely daughter’s room flew in the sky of my calm, peaceful morning retreat, as my dear husband just found it befitting to roll out of bed and ask if there was anything for breakfast at the exact same moment. Bliss…not! Now here’s a balancing act for you!, the universe was telling me, with the most ironical grin on its circumstantial face. I couldn’t believe it; for once, I was doing something for me, something I clearly, profoundly, utterly enjoyed, and poof!, it just had to make room for Ever-present, Always-there Chaos, AGAIN. Funny how, seconds earlier, I was discussing the fact that all the contradictions of my life beautifully worked together to create a more grounded, centered me…NOT! If there ever were any hint of self-grounding or centeredness in my thirty years of existence, it had all but obliterated itself by now. “So how about writing about this now?”, the universe seemed to be saying, poking me on my most sensitive side. “You want to write, so knock yourself out now!” Reality has a way of inserting itself into the most harmonious of settings, infusing it with a potent dosage of harsh self-reflection, along with some serious hot mess. And the Universe has a way of gently (or abruptly, depending of the week in my menstrual cycle or whether I'd had my morning coffee or not)placing you right on Reality’s path, and then leaving you to make lemonade out of some pretty sour lemons, all the while doing you the most incredible of all favors: the gift of Truth. That moment, a few seconds earlier, that peaceful interlude filled with flowing classical music and sleeping babies and husbands, that fleeting magical time, that was only a teeny-weensy fraction of my life. Now this, the chaos, the loud shrieks, toys scattered around the house, breakfast not ready and expanding to-do-lists, now that is MY life. That set of contradictions that all settled with each other and reached a peaceful agreement, well, hum..not exactly. Now this constant inner struggle, this permanent push-and-pull between the various decompartmentalized compartments of my existence, this self-questionning and pushing through and letting go, all the while striving to be the best ALL I can be, be it mother, wife, writer, career woman, artist, occasional cook, cleaning lady…etc, now this bubbling, boiling, limitless, conquering, conquered little four-feet-eleven inches woman, that’s ME. By the way, I did end up writing this post, after all (wink to the Universe).

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