First Blog Entry on SheWrites!
Contributor
Written by
Nina Chong
December 2009
Contributor
Written by
Nina Chong
December 2009

Hey everyone!! I'm Nina Chong and I'm a college student currently living in NYC, which is also where I am from. My school, however, is actually in Jackson, MS where I am a dance major. :)

I am in NYC for medical reasons and to undergo testing to figure out some things that are wrong with the way my body functions, but I am loving being home just the same. I am also a born-again Christian and love Jesus very very much!! he really has changed my life and taught me about what real love is. I can truly say that I once felt too lonely to live. Now I know someone loves me--Jesus. His love is better than anyone else's love could ever be, and so I am secure in that and live a joyful life thanks to God. I love Him so much! Most of my blog will have poetry in it since that is what I would call my forte when it comes to writing. I very much enjoy writing and love to play with words and how they sound. That being said, I am going to leave you with a spoken word I wrote on November 21 after breaking off a relationship with a man who was doing me no good at all. This spoken word marks a very improtant period in my life--a time of change. It's a landmark for me--a different feeling..a more victorious one. One where I am slowly discovering what it's like to not sing all sad songs. This girl can be happy. As a matter of fact, this girl (thanks to God) can be joyful. Now, don't get me wrong. I did not USE God to get through a rough time. I have been a Christian ever since I can remember. However, until recently I have not really experienced what His love feels like. I had not encountered it. No man can give a woman this kind of love.. The last part of it is a lullaby my mother used to sing to me when I was younger..and so when I perform it I sing the last part. This spoken word is untitled. Sometimes I'm afraid no one will love me if I'm not broken. If I remain tender--open. With the eloquent, whimsical word strokes spoken. If I am not broken If I am not torn What have I left What have I left to mourn?.. What substance of me is special--unique--un-understandable unintelligible to the general irrelevent to the normalcy of malevolance. Because before my life was broken dreams and tears and skin ripped at every seam and now i laugh for fairytale dreams for the reality of wonder that my Father always brings. My knight in shining armour. He said "I loved her before I saw her." He said.."I know you I walked with you once upon a dream..." It is as it seems.. He is the texture of my dreams. Father! I cry. In the middle of the night. As I close my wishing eyes into the abyss that I call night. But more and more I see starry skies.. lights in the night-- that's a bluer light. A deeper tinge than the dark night's plight that we associate with darkness in our lives and in human sight. I've finally found after years of staring out the window that I was always outside--not imprisoned but out in the open... I enslaved myself at a young age. Shackled my baby legs into a self-clasped rage Removed my own tears and robbed myself of happy years I am the fault of all my flaws that attribute to my failed, weak heart. Some people are just beautiful.. And I I appear to in complexity be simply useful I am the season itself that changes a life. Faded memories are I and add shunned to the failed fight for heart/s.. Hearts. My heart was sunken. Tender and broken. Pieced together by the same flesh that seared it's sinewy motions I laid many nights motionless crying to the ceiling watching night turn to dawn and shoving off with the very same feeling. But now. I'm free. I'm free indeed. Like the birds sing in my dreams Like Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) sings the trees.. (and I'm obviously obsesses with Disney..) But I.. I wonder sometimes--what of me is I. When I've lost all the stiches that defined me and why When I don't know the meaning behind what I cry When I can't write wounded words on the occupied lined pages I used to write I find that I am a different person. I am changed and yet a little uncertain But I am encouraged by the fact that God has always prayed for my joy and so I stand AWOKEN from my four-walled cell with a large blocked window. And instead of wishing for the sky I've got the one who created it with mere syllables I can sing and I can write I can dance and I can fly I am that blackbird singing in the dead of night who finally spread her wings to God and learned to fly. [This is the lullaby part] The dove has neither thorn nor sting no weapon for the fight. She owes her safety to the wind.. her victory to fly.. Then God through open His arms of love and in them holes the panting dove.. Oooo..

Let's be friends

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