As a moderate girl I tend to refrain from judgement all the time, I accept liberal ideas without judging but I have my own state of mind. I do have many liberal friends and I admire how they think, act and react without expecting an appraisal or a disapproval from our society or any one around them. Nevertheless, my own state of mind is what I call "Moderately liberal" means that I am moderate that tends to like liberals and act like one. Although all liberal ideas do appeal to me all, if not most of the time. However, why do I always tend to be torn between both? Liberal or moderate? A friend would tell me you are liberal your own way, just like how they say I'm a feminist my own way which is true but that's another issue left for another essay. Another friend would exclaim what a true Libra I am, as I strike a perfect balance between moderate and liberal. I have been envied for that, as the sign of the scale is perfect in striking a balance. However, in my book, being a Libra is a curse. Yes! I am libra-ly cursed. The nature of the scales is obvious: You're neither this nor that. "Swing swing swing" strike a balance or else one thing out weighs the other and you lose. Must have both, no friggin' compromise whatsoever!! This has been obvious as I was trying to observe myself for the past, God knows when, the observation was that I caught myself red handed in my desire to settle for two contradictory cases at one time. For example I wanna be liberal yet religious, and no "moderate" doesn't answer that for me, I tend to cross the fence, or stand on my toes and peak through the other side, because sometimes it gets scary to fully declare "I am a liberal" I want to settle for a very open minded man yet protective and man enough to be dependable on and in the meantime not insecure, bossy and a control freak (Really? one man? gotta be kidding me!) I want to be a professional writer, yet I want to make good money and live well off the job I love and want! not what's been imposed on me. Do writers make money these days? Last but not least, I want to make the picture I have in my mind for my future come true but in the meantime I get scared what if it did not and I failed myself. Or what if it does but it turned out to be not the very best option and I should have settled for some of the other alternatives that I kept shutting out of my way. In both cases what if life sticks its tongue at me and says "HA! I win! You lose!" Dear Life I want it all Big and small I want it all I won't compromise with you Or let something fall I will set the rules I will cross the fences And get back at you With my defences It's not a challenge But you started it You're challenging me Testing me Shredding me But I end up sewing myself up And after all It's because of you You made me fall Now I'm standing tall And letting you know I want it ALL! And I'm not being materialistic, I'm not being greedy. I worked my way for the past years into who I am now, and I will keep doing that into what I want to be, not what rules, norms, classifications tell me what to be. I refuse to be classified. With all due to respect to liberals, moderates, conservatives, religious, feminists, anti-feminists, man haters and the list goes on. I do not fit any category. At all. Or yet! Being 21 with all these questions about life, career, marriage, religion, men, women, society, burdens, responsibilities and the list goes on, is not by any means easy. It IS scary. The result of swaying out of the "norm" or the "tradition" is way too harmful for you my friend. Are you out of your senses?! Here's what you get: [Asking questions + Honesty + Hunger for knowledge + Yearn to achieve + Need of self expression] ÷ One helpless 21 year old impatient, clumsy, dreamy, fearful and way too optimistic girl × Male dominated society = Hesitation, feeling judged,absolute self consciousness and fear of whatever that might become out of her. Not to mention hard times, self esteem issues! Are you with me?