A recent turn of events has had a rather humbling effect on my outlook. Although it is certainly not my intention, my involvement as an activist and as an idealist lends to the perception of self righteousness. My personal experiences with interpersonal sexual violence has been the driving force behind the current direction of my life. Academic endeavors have centered around systems of oppression and building a skill set to address societal inequalities. Since I graduated from high school I have been working in community based organizations providing support, resources, advocacy, and education to underrepresented populations. My current job is with the Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Transgender Student Services Office of Auraria. In the nearly two years of my employment here I have bared witness to the very real stresses and fears of LGBTQ students and community members. Stories of descrimination and even aggression at the hands of peers and even college professors are commonplace. On a personal level I have feared for my own safety when a hate crime was committed on campus and I realized how visible I am as an active member of the LGBTQ community. In my efforts to educate about the devastating effects of descrimination I have become lost in my own rhetoric and forgotten a very essential piece in the process; open mindedness. I often find myself inflicting harsh judgement upon people who express some semblance of bigotry. My inability to be open to alternative even opposing perspectives has limited my ability to create dialog. The restorative practices which I hold in such high regard require an advanced degree of openness and communication with all parties involved. My exploration of these issues has led me to the conclusion that nothing exists in terms of either black or white, yet my mindset relies heavily on what I perceive as absolutes. It would appear that my hypocrisy knows no bounds. While this is an issue which I have long been acquainted with and in a continuous process of addressing, it strictly governs the confines of my interactions. Naturally, such judgments have a rather degenerative effect on many of the relationships I hold, be them intimate, professional, friendly, or otherwise. Yet another issue which serves to further confuse an already convoluted process are the ways in which I tend to respond to the real or perceived presence of conflict. I was raised under the tyranic, violent, and unpredictable rule of a domestic abuser. His erratic and volatile manner which could shift from a calm casual conversation to a violent beating with no discernible catalyst instilled in me a sense of hyper vigilance which remains with me to this day. I began to withdraw, speaking and acting less and less. The thought process was that if I did nothing, surly there would be nothing to instigate him, unfortunately this was not the case. Avoidance and withdrawal were my survival tactics, traits that became heavily ingrained. At times I am told I am being too sensitive or that I am taking things personally. Well my apologies, but this happens to be an unavoidable side affect of working within identity based politics. Someone once said to me that my inability to separate the issue from the person is particularly problematic. While there is no denying the validity of such a statement, it is also pertinent to acknowledge that within identity politics there is no separating the issue from the individual. Sexism is an attack on me as a woman; anti-semitic remarks deface me as a Jewish person; homophobic sentiments are disrespectful to me as a member of the LGBTQ community, and so on. Furthermore, such identities are inseparable from who we are as human beings, and often beyond the realm of choice. What of those who self identify as allies to said movements? Yet another dynamic in the delicate balance. I myself identify and work as an ally with a number of communities to which I hold no official standing or identity other than a supporter. Such relations are precarious indeed and prone to exist in an ever evolving state. A crucial piece in the functionality of an ally is the positive identification of the individual as an ally by members of the supported community. An ally must be cautious so as to avoid co-opting a movement from those of identity based ownership. Being an ally requires a great deal of patience and a willingness to listen as the ultimate goal is to serve the needs of others. Of recent, a primary example of this in my life has been in reference to women's and feminist based movements. While I welcome, acknowledge, and value the presence of gender queer, gender variant, and trans people in women's spaces, I struggle with those who have not experienced the perspective of a feminine identified person. Cisgendered men, or men comfortable with the gender assigned to them at birth, can certainly be allies to women and undoubtedly hold feminist ideals, however their identity as male precludes them from being self identified feminists as this risks an underlying implication of speaking for women rather than in support. Today a colleague of mine politely approached an individual who proclaimed our office to be of the devil. Later that same individual returned to offer an apology. I was astounded at the courage that both of them had; my colleague for addressing the situation in an appropriate and effective way, and the individual for being bold enough to return. As a people, we hold such great potential to learn and grow. As an individual I will continue to grapple with the acceptance of varying, at times oppositional perspectives. Social conditioning is an inescapable aspect impacting all interactions we face. Although from my perspective it seems too irrational and counterproductive to respect one individuals right to disrespect another, at some point I will have to acknowledge that my perspective likely appears equally irrational and counterproductive to them.