And the winner is -- I don't know

I’ve watched the Academy Awards since I was a little girl, and for the past few years the Golden Globes. I’d hear the actors and actresses in advance of the program say, “It’s just an honor to be nominated.”

Now I know the truth.

I’m currently a Finalist awaiting the results in three awards contests: May Sarton Women’s Book Awards, The Northern California Publishers & Authors Book Awards, and the Reader Views Annual Literary Awards for 2016-2017.

Each time I received notice that The Space Between: A Memoir of Mother-Daughter Love at the End of Life had made it to the finals, my initial reaction was happiness. Then my mind immediately raced to winning.  No matter how many times I’d say to myself, “It’s just an honor to be nominated,” I’d hear my little girl shy voice add with a gleam in her eyes and a cockeyed grin, “But I really want to win.”‘

I’m grateful that when I find out whether I’ve won or am destined to forever be a finalist, no cameras will be watching to capture my reaction. I’m not an actress nor am I  good at pretending — and I actually don’t care to pretend at this stage of my life. I’m uncertain whether I would be able to graciously applaud and smile for the person who stole my award — I mean, the person who was fortunate to be declared the winner.

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