I was fortunate and it was an honor to be selected to review the book Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won’t Save Black America by Dr. Stacey Patton. This book intrigued me, as I am a fan of African American progression, and do not spank my child for the simple fact it is against the law, as from my personal perspective it should be. It is common sense that assault on anyone is still assault, -even in the name of what some might call love; and to do it to our children is most monstrous. This book just resonated the fact with a surplus of reasons as to why children, especially black children, should not be physically disciplined. 

At the heart of the matter the way I see it, physical punishment simply isn’t needed.  There are plenty of work-a-rounds, and when you honestly and keenly look at all the reasons you do it, intrinsically, it’s because behavior is learned.  It was done to you, so you adopted the view point that it was okay, without ever thinking for yourself that it’s wrong.  The fact that black parents say the world is hard on our children and if whipping my kids keeps them out of jail that they will continue to do it, sounds like excuses, especially when statistics reveal those who end up in prison more often than not experienced physical punishment, and by and by it seems the black or African-American form of physical punishment borders on child abuse more often than not when instruments or tools other than one’s hands or a belt are utilized and when injuries reside. 

Spare the Kids was much needed for the African-American community and I 100% support it, and recommend every African-American parent read it, because I’d be shocked if it doesn’t change or at least challenge your mind, your ideas and beliefs –even on a subconscious level.  If you are a spank-free African-American home, I recommend you read it to reinforce your belief system.  You can’t read this book from cover to cover and not be moved by it.  It is life changing, -not just for your account, but will be so for your children, -our children, -black, African-American children, if you simply apply it. 

Spare the Kids was difficult to read no doubt, to forge through our history with slavery, the history of our oppressors, to hear the painful and appalling accounts of adults who told their stories and experiences as children with being whipped, abused, -not only by their parents but by teachers as well.  This book examines physical punishment from all facets: the church, black comedians, social and news media, the educational system, and the political system, to name a few.  It provides statistics and data, studies and reviews that are remarkably, mind boggling and chilling, to say the least. 

There was plenty in this book that I didn’t agree with that I found offensive and this book will undoubtedly challenge you.  You may think, as even the author admits, she isn’t a parent, but a victim and survivor of abuse, and an adoptee, so how can she relate to me as a parent who utilizes spanking, or perhaps you feel you have to defend your own parents who spanked you.  I don’t feel abused in any way by my parents and in adulthood, I actually thanked my dad for all the spankings he gave me, to let him know I understand the hardships he faced raising me and that I don’t hold any sense of anger or animosity towards him and that I am inevitably who I am in part due to his raising me.  I know this makes me seem like a hypocrite, but my parents gave me the “I love you and this hurts me to do” spiel before-hand.  Frankly it didn’t hurt, we usually held out our hands and got the strap, it was more of the fear of getting spanked that frightened me, but the strappings left me with little pain, I didn’t shed a tear.  I know that most black children don’t experience this form of punishment however, they experience their parent’s wrath, abuse, scarring, welts, -by any means available, be it an extension cord, shoe, etc.  This is abuse from my perspective.  I was adopted myself, but never experienced abuse, not even in my foster home.

I still feel physical punishment isn’t necessary.  It’s simply not something you have to do to discipline your kids.  My daughter suffers from depression and with that comes a plethora of situations that would put most parents in the deep end, not knowing what to do or how to handle things, things I hate to say most parents, even my parents would have spanked me for, but I don’t do it with her, and won’t do it with her, for not only her sanity but my sanity as well.  It’s like adding more pain on top of pain.  It would only exasperate things, namely her health and well-being.  We use other methods, -taking away what she deems luxuries, not being able to go to certain places she idolizes, grounding for an insurmountable amount of time, -these things work.  We have conversations.  Things I’d never say to my mother about my dealings, I allow her to tell me, so we can be close and so I can continue to guide her and sway her away from things I’d deem inappropriate.  It’s not impossible to live a physical punishment free lifestyle.  I urge you to read this book and give it a try.

One of the most significant concepts conveyed in this book that I fully embrace is the idea that because our children live in an un-ideal world filled with racism across the board from education, child-care, the workforce to the prison system, our homes should be a safe haven, a place of peace.  Why should they have to constantly be beat down in life and then again at home, -a place that should be a safe refuge.  What message do we truly send to their person, if the ones who should love and protect them –don’t.  We don’t have to do it with violence.  Violence is for those without the propensity to understand reason, or anything but the fist, -is that your child, -is that our children?  If we don’t love our children, why would you expect the world to?  If we don’t love our children, how do you expect them to love themselves?  As behavior is learned, it’s time we change our behaviors, to give our children any hope of a future immersed in love for self, -for our preservation, opposed to violence. 

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