I drift away from life… farther and farther…with each passing day…with each painful assault….a cloud of gloom about an impending migraine attack…..each morning vacillating if it's gonna be a good day or a bad day…

Responsibilities!!!! It has made me a strong survivor but the price paid has been enormous…and it has taught me how to really go on living when you don't have answers…so I continue to live, the life of a fairy-tale princess trapped in the tower! But I am not a helpless damsel in distress in dire predicament of some Prince Charming to rescue me… Umpteen times in life, I’ve been at my lowest and have bounced back counting my blessings for what was, rather than for what was not.

At that moment though, it is too hard to count blessings when I am too tired to even open my eyes. Does this sound like a person with a weak constitution? Trying to navigate through this new dark silent world is debilitating. The brain fog, exhaustion, night sweats, extreme panic, light sensitivity, joint pain, headaches…

I wake up exhausted, raging panic attacks, joint pain, knees buckling, extreme weakness, extreme headaches, numbness, tingling, and hair. I am physically, mentally and spiritually done.

Each time I flutter my shriveled wings attempting break victoriously from the cocoon of my deteriorating health…ready to take off again……. flutter and flutter then flutter again.. Nothing, silence, a small sigh is all that comes out of me, that and tears....I get so tired and I never am able to fly the way I used to……

Then out of nowhere, I heard a small voice say, “I need help. I need your help, please."

The voice I barely recognize as my own. It has a vulnerability that I didn’t even know existed. I am begging for my health with as much energy as I could muster and I am laying that responsibility at HIS feet…

Please help me gather enough strength in my wings…...to make room to dry my wings properly….all are affected by the constraints of my illness, all the time. I can feel the anger building up inside of me turning into hot tears that sting my eyes, most profoundly when I have a long spell trapped in my bedroom cocoon…

It’s not fun being trapped in the confines of a place, even if it is a palace!