That call you refused to take could've been the last call she made.

That meeting when you stood up and walked away after she sat down next to you...

That text you answered and acted like you didn't even know her.

Those times you shunned people in and out of the rooms may have been the last meeting she attended the last time she was willing to reach out.

That time you shunned a "newcomer", the "most important person in the room"... and ignored her desperate plea for help... we never saw her come back.

When you shunned someone in a meeting, you neglected to offer someone a hand up, instead, you walked away, kickin' 'em while they're down.

 

"Today"

Today is new. Do you wonder what you will do?

What about what you could have done differently yesterday?

Tomorrow is a dream. Do you sit today and worry

about what you will try to do tomorrow?

Or will you sit today and wonder why

you did nothing yesterday?

Think about today, it shall quickly pass you by,

and tomorrow you could be wondering

about what you could have done today?

"Collections"

Life is a collection of memories,

memories of good times and bad,

joy and sorrow.

Life is filled with dreams.

Dreams of happiness and hope

that sometimes turn into nothing.

memories and dreams are in the past,

they should never be forgotten.

They have brought you to today

and will guide you to tomorrow.

"Smile"

Put some sunshine in your heart,

a smile on your face

and your day will be much brighter."Friend"

When in time of sadness or joy,

you can always call on me,

I am your friend,

I always will be.

 

"Something to Believe In"

You are free in the flight of life,

open your wings and fly.

Find something you can believe in,

whether it be a River, a Mountain or God.

It does not matter.

You still are young,

go out and find something

that will bring happiness, hope, and healing

into your life.

"Home"

the hallways dark as I begin to climb the stairs

Twen-ty-five being the final count.

Each step echoes farther into the back of my mind.

I hear each key fit into its lock, then turned,

opening each door, then each door shuts,

slammed louder than the one before.

This old building frightens me

and makes me afraid to live alone.

 

"The Knife"

I put a knife to one cold wrist

and cut deep into my flesh.

Blood started to flow

as quick as a river runs freely.

I felt no pain, my teardrops fell like raindrops.

The blood turned my wrist from cold to "red hot".

Memories flashed through my mind, I thought of you and me,

I remembered everyone and everything else.

Tears streamed down my face.

I threw the knife as hard as I could,

against the kitchen wall,

it's handle shattered into tiny pieces.

I dampened a towel with cool water

and wrapped it tightly around my wrist.

The bleeding stopped,

not soon but later into the dark of night.

I screamed silently,

out loud into the darkness,

"Oh God, Please help me understand and see

what life is,

what mine can be!!"

"Leaving"

I know you love me deeply, that you care for me very much.

But there's something missing between us

and I'm not happy anymore.

We need to find what's missing

to have what we had before.

I don't talk because you don't listen.

You don't believe me, you call me a liar.

You don't support me when I need it most.

You say you don't understand why I do the things I do.

I hope in time you will. I can't live with someone

who I know loves me

but can't show or tell me they do.

Until you can show me you love me,

I'm leaving again.

 

"The Rose"

The human body is much like the rose,

tender yet strong, until the stem is broken.

The rose is in full bloom

in the spring and summer.

Your mind is full and aware

when things seem to look brighter.

The rose will wilt and fade away

under the snow-covered ground.

Your mind can fade and dissolve

when problems and thoughts overpower you,

freezing you in your emotions.

The thorns on the rose are there to protect it

from cruel human hands so it may remain

in full bloom, beautiful.

But like the thorns

peoples words can pierce your soul

with cruel inhuman speech.

Their words hurt.

Be like the rose, tender yet strong

let nothing hurt or break your heart.

Everything that happens is justified in this life.

Perhaps not in our eyes, but is in God's eyes.

Happiness and joy, even pain and sorrow.

As you mourn in the death of a loved one,

you may feel it isn't fair for one so close

to suddenly be taken away from you.

Their sudden departure will make you cry,  you must!!

No one will laugh.

I will cry with you, I will be there when you need me.

I won't ever turn my back on you.

In God's infinite wisdom

there's a Time, a Reason, and Purpose for everything.

A time will come when all of your

unanswered questions will be put to rest.

A time will come when I will need you,

be there for me is all I ask in return

for giving of myself.

And if I should ever leave you,

be it not fair,

please remember my friend

for your own sake,

I was always there.

SAG 1981

“Never, ever Land”

She took a trip to never, ever land, the land that shouldn’t have been.

It was so long ago. Yet the memories flood through her

as if it were only yesterday.

She looks up and sees his big, blue eyes,

they meet hers, and then she sees him smile.

She knows that look on his face.

He wants to take her to that frightening place.

She knows exactly what he wants from her,

she reaches up and takes his hand.

Then it’s off to never, ever land, the land that shouldn’t be.

What a tough life for some of us,

those who know that all too familiar touch.

That pleading look in his eyes, those many nights filled with our silent cries.

To hear their footsteps creeping down the halls,

outside our bedroom door.

To watch his shadow climb the walls

makes us cringe, in our innermost souls.

He’s made us nothing more than “daddies little whores.”

Sneaking off with him in the night

feeling nothing more than terror and fright.

He comes for us, then we go, and then he cums again.

I watch and see as I float, I’m back in never, ever land

the land that shouldn’t be.

(Listening to his promises he never kept.}

You must never, ever deny me!!!

(Hearing his threats, oh how we wept.)

You must never, ever tell!!!

(Having to bear the internal pain.)

You must never, ever yell!!!

(Eternal tears that fall like rain.)

They will never, ever stop.

Keeping the secret, how could we tell?

The longer we kept it, the longer that we keep it,

the longer we live in hell.

Never, ever land, the land that shouldn’t be.

1997

 

“COLUMBINE”

Where is God when the pain doesn’t go away?

When the memory of the violence

stays etched in our minds?

We frantically try to find the reason, the cause.

We bow our heads and pause in a moment of silence,

to remember all of those who were shot dead in the violence.

My heart goes out to the mothers

whose children’s lives were so senselessly ended...

the days they will live on and needlessly suffer

knowing their children were ambushed,

knowing their lives were taken, undefended.

Death separates the ones we love

from those who are left behind,

dealing with the aftermath of the gunman's carnage.

I know too how it feels to lose a child.

My pain no greater than theirs,

their pain no greater than mine.

Pain is simply pain.

With its touch it ravages us.

Healing will come when we stand together as one,

but their healing will take time.

S.A. Griffin

April 28, 1999

“A sense of time”

If you have ever lost everything you own,

your possessions, your pets, your pride,

your soul, your life, and your sense of time.

If so then you can understand the pain I’m in

rebuilding requires time.

Memories are of what was, and what will never be.

If you have lived and felt the grief

when someone takes everything from you

leaving only your heart to steal

you know the process autumn brings...

leaves change to brilliant colors, then die.

You become frozen in time.

When you begin to open like the trees

budding after the winter's snowfall.

When you begin to feel the warmth

from the sunshine in the sky...

you blossom.

After the spring rains fall from the skies

with tears in your eyes

you’ve been frozen in time,

you remember things, which were your entire life.

Things like gold bands you wore

that encircled you in love,

never-ending.

Somewhere down your journey, you realize

it wasn’t and isn’t the things you lost

which you miss the most.

rather it is the gold rings

that encircled you in love

and gave you a sense of time.

SAG 1999

strike me, ignite me

let me glow in the night.

Dance with me, kiss me

I want to feel your delight.

surround me in the flames of your passion

I'll dance in your fire.

Your love radiates as do the rays of the sun shining down,

spreading around,

encircling me in the heat

of your passion.

I want to know your every secret,

your every hearts desire.

I want to be the one

who sets your heart afire.

I want to feel your touch,

to know your truth

to feel the beat of your heart next to mine.

I want to see what you see,

hear what you have to say.

I want to know how you feel.

I just want to be with you,

loving you more every day.

When you gave me your heart to hold in my hands...

I promised to love you and make no demands.

I honored you and respected you,

I was honest and true.

We felt that connection, you felt safe in my arms.

Now looking back in reflection

I truly believed you’d bring me no harm.

I trusted you, believed when I looked into your eyes

when you told me you loved me,

only to see now it was all lies.

You hid in them, they were your disguise.

I accept your rejection, now I’ll move on.

You abandoned my soul,

I’ll walk away now, wounded not whole.

My only regret is I believed the lies

you told me looking into my eyes.

I still hold a piece of your heart in my hands...

when I promised to love you, I made no demands.

You looked into my eyes and lied while I cried

You told me your lies

all just your disguise.

Now I see what happens

when two hearts collide.

SAG

 

 

And the darker side of me...

Did

you

think

to

stop

and

think.....

I am in the shadow that falls behind you.

I am in every step you take.

I am in every breath you take,

and in every thud of that cold heart

...of yours...

I lie dormant in your darkened mind,

where you won't allow anyone else to see.

I am in your memories

those moments I KNOW you were touched,

those moments you claimed what you said

was yours.

I know I live with you,

somewhere deep inside where no one else will ever see

the part of you they will never know

the part of you that loved me

...and...

the part of me that lives within you.

You can never forget me

as I can never forget

...you...

SAG 11/26/2007

"MY FRIEND"

My friend is someone who loves me,

when I can not love myself.

She is someone who supports me in all I try to do

to change and improve my life.

She is someone who knows just what to give

before I have to ask.

She is someone who gives freely of herself.

She is one who sees the beauty in me

when I've overlooked my own inner beauty.

She is someone who needs not ask

if there's anything she can do,

she already knows what to suggest

that might make my path a little more smooth.

She is someone who tries to make me see

there is always a reason to smile.

She is someone who will help wipe tears from my eyes

and will walk with me through my fears.

She is someone who doesn't give up on me

when I've lost faith in myself.

She is someone who shows me there is ALWAYS another side

if I'm but willing to look with my eyes open wide.

She is someone who wants me to be a part of her life.

She allows me to be the person I am,

always encouraging me to be the woman I have become

and encourages me to be the best person I can be.

You, my friend, are all these things to me,

and much, much more.

11/15/2000

Susan Griffin

We sit at the light, put the top down,

waiting for the colors to change.

She revs the engine, inside I purred.

We felt the excitement

anticipating the thrill of the ride.

We turned on the entrance

she pushed the clutch in,

and within seconds

we were going as fast as the beats of our hearts.

With my hand snuggled tightly between her thighs~

this was the thrill of the ride.

We cruised out of the traffic,

left the town behind,

Ohhh, Baby!! I scream.

Those who think they are all powerful look the most foolish when they finally see they have to relinquish said "power." those who bring the "powerful" to their knees are sure to be looked at as the victor. Their "power" empowers me.

Grow and Blossom

Sometimes success is making a better move.

Live your dream...

You deserve support that's dedicated as you are.

Your future IS in your hands.

Self Advocacy...

the TRUTH...

Your best recovery starts with YOU!!!

IT'S IMPORTANT TO TRUST,

Make a difference in one person's life, one at a time.

Plan to grow~ live in solutions,

You are a Champion of hope.

It is your turn...

Focus, dance your way to recovery,

take charge of your own recovery.

LIVE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are endless possibilities...

Live and be loved...

Think BIG...

Relax...

Change is in the air.

It takes a lot to...

"be the better person."

To...

"take the next right step."

To forgive,

to be OK without getting to know the answers,

to move on from the betrayal,

and if that could be done,

the freedom I would feel.

I'm sitting here seeing

my life's shattered

my heart's torn and tattered.

trying to understand

such deceptive demands

she is the one in command

a friendship destroyed

leaves such a deepening void

Such a deep betrayal,

a disaster like a train that's derailed.

It's been said

betrayal is most painful

because is ALWAYS

from a friend

leaving unfinished business

and clearly the end.

9/8/2015

I'm sitting here seeing

my life's shattered

my heart's torn and tattered.

trying to understand

such deceptive demands

she is the one in command

a friendship destroyed

leaves such a deepening void

Such a deep betrayal,

a disaster like a train that's derailed.

It's been said

betrayal is most painful

because is ALWAYS

from a friend

leaving unfinished business

and clearly the end.

9/8/2015

 

All I did was love her...

respect her...

I trusted her,

I spoke highly of her to all of my friends...

and family.

I believed her...

I believed IN her...

We walked a path together...

And it just took one millisecond for her to destroy

a friendship that was filled with 15 years of laughter and tears.

I'm sorry.

For what?

Everything.

What is everything?

You know, "everything."

Nope, I don't know

what "everything" is to you.

I couldn't see your shadow in the darkness

under the moonlit sky

but I saw the darkness of your shadow

in the daylight

what lies did you have to tell (your friends)

to explain how a 15-year friendship (ends) (fell)

from love, honor, and trust

to you being a liar, cheat and thief

causing me too much grief

and leave that friendship in the dust

 

I thought I had shut the door

to all my fears

all the terror

my life's shattered like a broken mirror

how do I pick up these pieces

put my life back together?

 

You were my friend...

I was a friend to you.

I loved you, trusted you, believed, and believed IN you.

I was the kind of friend you called twice looking for help, standing in a place of immense sadness and standing in the shadows of imminent death...

You walked into my house and into the kitchen, pulled out a coffee cup, poured yourself a cup like you'd been in my kitchen 100 times. The weird thing was... this was our first meeting. (Or was it weird?) There was a connection that night, and I believed we would be friends forever.

You had called ME when you had had enough of Danny beating the shit out of you every night, you were done, and it was ME you called, not any of the dozens of people you know in Chicago, but ME... in Portland, Oregon.

I had walked through that very painful and difficult time in your life with you. I prayed that you would find the strength to put an end to that. I remember so many conversations we had after he had beaten you and remember one evening calling the Bedford Park Police Dept and said I was a patron in a bar and had overheard Danny saying he was going to kill you. I remember being so afraid he would kill you before you were actually able to leave. I called you back with the info for who to call and where to go,

I was so fucking PROUD of you when you finally got out of that!!! It takes a strong woman to get out.

I have walked the path with you dealing with the various cancers and other health issues you have fought, and then when the diagnosis came with the Ocular Melanoma, I have walked that path with you as well. Watching you walk through all of that, I believed you were the most compassionate woman I had ever met. And that you were always willing to help others. I shared that with YOU several times, and everyone I know I have talked with about you through the years, I shared that with them also.

Remember when you stood on the shoreline of Lake Michigan with cinder blocks tied to your ankles and you were going to walk out until you drowned? I can't remember exactly what was going on, but you were despondent... I told you to go buy a pack of cigarettes (even though you had quit) and to call me and have a smoke with me.

All I knew was I HAD to get you away from the shoreline. You did go buy a pack and you called me from your car in that parking lot and smoked and talked with me.

I helped you save your life twice... what else would a friend do??

And I was the friend you called and asked me if, (after you pass away) I would go to your Facebook page, change the status to, “CHILLIN' WITH JESUS” and then monitor your page. I was so honored and humbled that you would ask me to take that responsibility on for you.

I also remember after you split with Wendy and married Danny, I didn't hear from you for about 6 months. I remember my jaw hit the ground when you told me all of that.

The struggles you had with Jennifer, her telling you, that you wouldn't be able to see your grandkids if you were in a relationship with Wendy, so you ended that and married Danny, and then when Jennifer became aware of the domestic violence, again she told you, “you aren't going to be able to see your Grandkids if you're in this violent relationship with Danny.” So in a roundabout way, manner

I was instrumental in helping you have a relationship with the Grandkids, by helping you remove Danny from your life.

I am the friend who loved you, trusted you, believed and believed IN you...

And then???

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What saddens me the most is that the friend who I have loved and confided in, the woman I thought I knew isn’t at all like she had portrayed. I probably won’t be able to attend my best friends funeral.

Betrayal ends a friendship...

In some manner, you've touched my life and I have never forgotten...

I miss you but try to keep up here, I just like to acknowledge your

presence has affected my life and bettered it in some way.

And for that I want to say, Thank You...

That call... That meeting... That text... Those times... That time...