Written by
April 2019
Written by
April 2019


She took a trip to never, ever land,

the land that shouldn’t have been.

It was so long ago.

Yet the memories flood through her

as if it were yesterday.

She looks up and sees his big, blue eyes,

his meet hers, and then she sees him smile.

She knows that look on her face,

he wants to take her to that frightening place.

She knows exactly what he wants from her,

she reaches up and takes her hand.

Then it’s off to never, ever land,

the land that shouldn’t be.

What a tough life for some of us,

those who know that all to familiar touch.

The pleading look in their eyes,

those many nights filled with our silent cries.

To hear their footsteps creeping down the halls

outside our bedroom doors.

To watch their shadows climb the walls

makes us cringe to our inner souls.

They’ve made us nothing more than “daddies little whore”.

Sneaking off with him in the night

feeling nothing more than terror and fright.

They come for us, and then we go

then he “cums” again.

I watch and see as I float, I’m back in never, ever land

the land that shouldn’t be.

(Listening to his promises he never kept)

You must never, ever deny me.

(Hearing his threats, oh how we wept)

You must never, ever tell.

(Having to bear the internal pain)

You must never, ever yell.

(Eternal tears that fall like rain)

They will never, ever stop.

Keeping the secret, how could we tell?

The longer we keep it

the longer we live in hell.

Never, ever land, the land that shouldn’t be.

Sag 1997





Many times she asked herself “why?”

In reply, someone asked her “why not?”

Many times she’d begin to cry,

thinking she should have fought him.

She hid him behind her lies.

She became silent.

She hurt so much inside.

Courage came, and courage went.

She needed to believe someone loved her

she needed something she could hang onto.

Her innocence robbed,

leaving her child dirty,

feeling like so few others do.

She thought he loved her

she thought he was sincere.

Sag 1999




Sometimes, (ya know) when I feel like I’m really 6

I can remember the day that would change my life forever.

A very long time ago, forever is.

Not that long ago,

just yesterday and days long are gone.

It’s the memories that build over a lifetime.

Tomorrow and tomorrows dreams

that for a lifetime I’ve tried to attain.

Forever is the time it took for me to admit

that some of my life’s personal disasters

were no one’s fault but my own.

Forever is the time it takes to grieve the losses in my life.

They were my child, my spirit and life.

Accepting the pain

and how deeply I hurt when I do.

Forever was a long time to stand alone in silence.

Forever was waiting for him to keep his promises.

Only to find they were promises made, then broken.

Forever was hearing all his threats

then waiting for them to come true.

Forever was one day in my life with the woman I loved

but sadly, she could not love herself.

It was believing she was hopeless forever.

It was every day that I hung onto hope,

wishing and praying for the impossible.

It was waiting for her to say “goodbye”.

The road of life is forever

when you have to fight to stay alive.

Forever is remembering when I was six

and the nights lasted forever.

Sag 3/1999



What’s hidden behind the smile on your face?

What lies under all the pretty frills and lace

of the dresses, mommy dresses you in?

Something pink and pretty to cover the shame you live in.

I can feel there’s something different about you

I can see it in your eyes your pain is nothing new.

But your only a child, so timid and mild,

how is it you hurt so much?

Why is it you resist my loving touch.

I heard her whisper

“I don’t trust you.”

There’s nothing I can say or do

to capture your heart and soul,

it’s like you buried me in a hole.

Do you remember the cameras and lights?

Those men standing and watching in the room?

Do you remember the things I saw?

I lived my life as if I were in a tomb.

In the wee morning hours, he would come.

Do you remember when he’d call our name?

I’d get up and walk to the door,

being quiet not to wake my slumbering sister.

I’d reach up and take his hand,

he made me his little whore.

Taking me to never, ever land.

But you grew up and you got older,

you left me behind, you walked away.

But you left an ember to smolder.

Which is all that I can be.

I am that ember burning in your soul,

I’m that child so timid and mild.

Waiting for you to rescue me.

Sag 3/14/1999



He was so kind when she would do as he said

when she was a “good girl” and would mind.

He was so mean when she wouldn’t

want to get out of bed and would want to scream.

He told her he loved her

She wanted so bad to believe him,

to believe IN him…

and she did.

She didn’t understand how his love could be so cruel.

Daddy, do you know how much you hurt me?

Her best education wasn’t learned in school.

My silence and secrets fill this room.

In the confines of her mind, it’s deafening and eerie.

She feels as enclosed in a tomb.

Where shame hangs out of balance

with the spring rains

and the cleansing of my soul.

He said he loved her.

Now she wonders how his love

could have been so damning.

He claimed he ‘needed’ her/

For years he carried the key

that would unlock the balls and chain

that would release the spring rains

bringing a cleansing of her soul.

He gave her existence:

he stole her soul away from her.

He filled her full of lies.

He gave her a life

She just buried it in a hole.

She still waits for the spring rains

waiting for the cleansing of her soul.

Sag 3/1999


She heard him coming down the hall:

She closed her eyes tight

she turned to face the wall,

convinced this time, she would fight.

She heard the door open,

then shut.

She heard his footsteps near her bed.

Then like some scroungy mutt

he pats her on her head.

Daddy, no!! You’re hurting me”

Oh daddy, please NO!!

Daddy can’t you see

I’m your little girl?

You’re so strong,

how could I fight?

Daddy, you’re so wrong

I know what you’re doing isn’t right.

You’re so very, very strong.

So much for the fight,

she was once again filled with fright.

Sag 1997


I can not fly with broken wings.

I can not love with my wounded heart.

God and Angels Sing

healing not part, but all of me.

Will God’s love and God’s grace

lift me above this frightening place?

Sag 11/2000

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