Some Changes

"Under-commit and then over-deliver" a friend of mine advised last year. It is one of my favorite quotes and particularly relevant for me. My husband and I had just moved to Hawaii seeking a more balanced life when I met this quote for the first time. When we lived in Massachusetts, I tended to over-commit and over-deliver which, as you can imagine, was a recipe for disaster. Part of the problem: I was in the weeds of my doctoral program, taking classes, working full time, and saying yes to every single opportunity that came my way.  Inevitably I had a once or twice per semester breakdown that involved tears, wine, chocolate, and hiding under the covers. It wasn't a healthy way to live though tt was an expected norm in #gradschoollife. After finishing the classes for our respective graduate programs, my SO and I decided we needed a change. At 30-years-old, we wanted to check out of the rat race. I could go on and on about how messed up I think that is, and how I wish our society could be better.  And I would be remiss to ignore the privilege we have in our lives to pack our bags and move to Hawaii.  I would be even more remiss not to state that we didn't have a clue about Hawaii's history or culture before moving. But these are topics for another post...

April was a horrible month. Nothing in April went according to plan. There were one or two silver linings, as few things in life are all bad or all good. But overall the month felt like a bust. This was unfortunate as April is my birthday month. But with the pressures and unexpected changes that April brought, my plan to be the sole procurer and preparer of our food fell apart real quick. I felt tired, cranky, and unmotivated. I did it again. I over-committed. It just wasn't possible. Everything that I needed to do and everything that I wanted to do was not compatible, time-wise, with doing all the grocery shopping and cooking. This necessitated a change and we arrived upon a more natural and do-able plan: turn-taking. He shops sometimes, I shop sometimes. Some weeks he makes our lunches, some weeks I make our lunches. We agree on relatively healty dinners, and sometimes we just have to eat out. This plan doesn't feel as exciting as my original plan to take over our nourishment entirely. But I've found that some of the peace and contentment I've been trying to find lies in the moderation of things, in compromise. For me, there's no peace or contentment to be found when I'm trying to do and be everything. 

So I guess I won't sit here on this blog and write about food every week. It's not who I am. I can see (and admit) that writing about food was a wall I built up to avoid writing about the topics that I really care about. It was avoidance.

Not that anyone is reading this blog anyway because I haven't told anyone about it, so how could they? But now that I'm on my third entry, and now that I'm exposed, I think I can open myself up a little. Be brave. 

Let's be friends

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