A woman, I ought to be!

A woman, I ought to be!
For years, I’ve been figuring out to rebuttal with negative opinions of others which affect my self-confidence. The picture of how and why the world around me has become so self-centred. I live in a world where I will be drowned in the oceans of opinions. Other people’s opinions had a greater effect on me than anything I could do for my own.
All these years I was living in a world where I lived a life how others’ wanted me to. I was more into satisfying others than myself to fit in this world. I spent most of my time fretting and agonising about other people’s opinions of me. At times, I was in no was proud of what I was trying to do just for the sake of what I ought to do. I couldn’t relate any of it to help me find inner peace. I think those situations are veering towards the extreme. A person can’t be themselves in every moment that led towards the justification of others. Even God, I am sure, take antagonism once in a while.
Eventually, I begin to apprehend that most are unendurable opinions under some form of subtle mind control, and that it’s actually quite easy to manipulate the average person’s mind, since they have never been educated on how to compliment and not judge from these insidious elucidations.
It is hard to imagine how many situations we will face. I can’t even guess. There are and will be many, I am sure. I just don’t know when and where. A lot of them are mundane and kind of evolvement to look forward. Also, many of them are haunt you and wouldn’t let you get out of it. Once in a while, though, I stumble upon a really distressing moments. They are the sort of situations I learned not to expect anything in return. All I can really do in those cases is: WHAT I OUGHT TO BE!
After many years, what struck me was how I tried to hold back my feelings of desire and passion. Why should I abide by someone’s choice if their words don’t do any good for my squeam. I began to understand the true force behind the impact what negativity can create. I regain the power to not allow any opinions or words to affect me.
In due course of time, I saw myself becoming what they want me to be; I saw them in me. Soon I realised I wasn’t doing justice to my life; the desire and passion I have to do something for myself. Everyone will have opinion about anyone or anything. They will look for faults in others. Instead of focussing more on their judgements and motives, I started looking for the *Real me* in everything I do. I had no control of what other people think about me; but had control of my happiness and reactions. My priority was not to make others satisfied and happy but to be myself wholly and be happy. All these years, I allowed them to judge me in several ways which I always get afraid of.

For more than three decades, I’ve gained enough wisdom to control my mind almost daily. And when I do this, I begin to see the world very differently. Now, if I am not aware of how this affect my life, I can easily be deceived, and this is precisely what the others wanted me to be... not what I wanted. Yes, perhaps the woman I ought to be was smothered under my skin.
Why does the opinion of others matter? Maybe I tried to fit in the society where others have something to say about someone or anyone.
Therefore, one probably should not let others negativity affect us from being you. Everyday I remind myself to believe in myself first and then come the rest. The more I started doing what I love; accepting what I really want, I found freedom. I ought to be more proactive about making choices in my life and I think I can fight the storms hereafter if I don’t react to the negativity of others’ opinion which could/can affect me mentally and emotionally. No one has the power to make me feel a certain way until and unless I allow it. The choice is mine, not theirs. My deeds spoke volumes far beyond the affections.

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