Comparing is an Act of Fear; Choose to be Authentic

We’ve all struggled with comparing ourselves to others.  There are countless categories upon which we can compare ourselves and an infinite number of people to compare ourselves to.  It is one of the main causes of our own unhappiness as we allow what others do to influence how we feel about ourselves.  Comparison is an act of fear; the fear of being our authentic selves


Social Comparison Theory states that humans have a tendency to make comparisons between ourselves and others.  We do this as a way of establishing a benchmark by which we can make accurate evaluations of ourselves.


However, comparison has many shortcomings.  They’re not fair assessments because we don’t have all the information about the struggle’s others went through in order to obtain their goals.  Comparing has very little to gain and much resentment that can build, adding this negativity to our life is counterproductive.  It deprives us of our joy and puts the focus outside of ourselves. 


Personality begins where comparison leaves off. Be unique. Be memorable. Be confident. Be proud. ~ Shannon L. Alder


Where the Focus Goes


Comparing ourselves to others allows them to influence our behavior. This is not an empowering act, it’s disempowering.  We’re focusing on the external of what we see, instead of concentrating on the internal which we can change.  The focus and energy expelled needs to be placed on what you’re capable of now and what ways you can develop yourself.


Don’t forget, that you were created to be a unique individual, so comparison dilutes your gifts and talents which cannot be fairly compared with others.  Your contributions and value are unique to your individual purpose in the world.  Therefore, you could never be compared to another. 


So how do we stop the habit of comparing?  We change our focus. By changing our focus from the external (others) to the internal, improving ourselves, we reclaim our power to make the changes we desire in our lives. By doing so, we can let go of the fear of being ourselves. 


To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Be Aware of Accomplishments. 


Most often we compare without realizing its happening.  As we have seen, it’s an ordinary act, resulting from unconsciousness. So, the solution is to become conscious and aware, to bring these considerations to the forefront of your mind. Once we notice them, we need to reframe the thought process and learn to move forward. 


Whether you are a journalist, artist, surgeon, gardener, parent, or student; you have a unique perspective, supported by distinctive experiences and exceptional gifts. You have the ability to love, support, and contribute to the world around you. You have everything you need to achieve success in your community. You’ve already had accomplishments, but you are choosing not to focus on those successes.  Use these past achievements to encourage you forward, to be your authentic self.


The only person you should try to be better than is who you were yesterday.  ~Anonymous


From Competition to Appreciation


Competition is also a result of human nature.  In the past, we needed to compete against one another for food and procreation rights.  But, that is no longer true in today’s society.  Now, we need to learn to cooperate, communicate authentically, and make real human connections.  Comparisons are another form of competition that is outdated. 


We can start making connections with others by showing gratitude and appreciation for those we interact with on a regular basis.  Thank your spouse for tossing a load of laundry in the washer.  Speak your gratefulness to your boss for understanding the desire to leave early for your child’s recital.  Appreciate the good things that we currently have in our life instead of focusing on deficiencies that are not necessarily important.  Gratitude is the best way to recognize the wonderful circumstances in our lives.  Gratitude also dispels fear and allows us to be authentic with others. 


A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it, it just blooms. ~ Zen Shin


Your Imperfections are Authentically You


While we know that no one is perfect, emotionally we get disappointed when we don’t meet our own expectations.  Our struggle with difficulties in our lives needs to be viewed as opportunities for growth.   Your imperfections are part of your uniqueness.  To be authentically you, means you have to know your faults.  You shouldn’t fear your vulnerabilities, as they have no power, but be humbled if your limitations are exposed.  You are the perfect and only rendition of you that exists, despite your flaws. 


You can however, look to others for inspiration without comparing.  It is wise to learn from those around us or those that motivate us.  We all have someone we look up to or that has made us think in a new way.  They start us on a new path, a new adventure, which we might not have taken without their inspiration.  So, it isn’t about comparing, it’s about being able to see that if someone else can do it, so can we.  Let our journey become one where others can look at us for inspiration. This is part of being fearlessly authentic. 


There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty. ~ Steve Maraboli


Learn You are Enough


If you always feel you need what others have, you will never have enough. You will always want more. That’s an endless cycle.  So, you need to learn to recognize that what you have is sufficient.  If you have a roof over your head, clothes to cover yourself and people to love you then you have every reason to be content. 


If you continue to compare yourself with others, then you will feel like you’re never enough.  Let me clearly state, right now, that you’re good enough, because you were born a unique individual.  No one else on this planet is like you, so you really can’t compare yourself to anyone.


We are worthy just as we are.  We need to focus on the positive aspects of our lives and what we do well.  Learn to appreciate others and know that our imperfections make us authentic.  By letting go of comparison we release the fear of being authentically ourselves.


I am enough. Who I am is enough. What I do is enough. And what I have is enough. ~ Anonymous



As you become more mindful of the comparisons you make and become conscious about your mindsets you can alter the trajectory of your life.  If you would like to receive more informative articles right into your email fill this out now.

Do you need help becoming aware of your own worthiness?  Do you need support in overcoming your need to compare?  Do you want a strategy to help you create a marvelous life?  If so please contact me and we can put together an action plan for you to be authentically you and for you to know that you are good enough.

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