There Must Be a Better Way than this Life of Fear

It took frustration with a life situation for me to realize that there had to be a better way of living than the life I had.  I was always fearful.  I was anxious about what might happen in the future and depressed about the past.  Fear was my way of life.  When I tried to sleep, the egoic voice in my head would stop telling me all the things I did wrong.  I was ashamed of my past, and I had learned that trying to talk about it caused me more ridicule from people who couldn’t understand.  The ego almost entirely squelched any part of my authentic self. 


So what was the change I needed to make in my life to no longer live in terror?  I had to choose to respond to all the situations in my life differently.  Instead of reacting from a place of fear, I had to respond from a place of love.


There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance.  ~ John Lennon


Reacting Vs. Responding


Reacting to an event is instantaneous.  The ego drives actions based on past events, beliefs, predispositions, and prejudgments.  These are the actions that we take “without thinking.”  Since this reaction happens so quickly, the long term effects aren’t considered.  Sometimes these actions are part of a self-defense mechanism, but the results tend to be something you regret later.


Responding takes time as it’s based on evaluating the situation before making a conscious decision on how to move forward.   It also takes into account long term effects as well as how others may be affected.  Responding feels controlled, and reacting feels harried. 


Reacting comes from a place of fear, so the results from that course of action can be harmful.  Responding comes from a place of love; therefore, it feels better and tends to have a healthier outcome.  By understanding the difference between reacting and responding, we can become aware of how we make decisions so that in the future, we can choose wisely.                  


Nothing in life is to be feared; it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.  ~ Marie Curie


Understanding the Fixed Mindset


Fear triggers a fixed mindset and limiting belief's surface.  For example, many people think that you have to work hard to get ahead, especially if the person doesn’t think they are talented.  So, when this person is working hard, it may produce stress as they become overwhelmed by the tasks they are doing.  They’re also more likely to give up before accomplishing the goal, especially since they have a habit of comparing themselves with others. 


Another problem is negative thinking and blaming oneself for the happenings of life.  This person allows outside events to affect their course of action.  For example, if you commit to going to the gym twice a week, and the first day you plan to go, your child falls off their bike and needs to go to the emergency room.  If you permit this unexpected event to alter your thinking from, “I have to reschedule,” to “everything keeps me from the gym,” you allow an obstacle to become a barricade. 


How do you handle criticism?  With a fixed mindset, someone may start questioning their value and believe that they’re unworthy instead of realizing this is an opportunity for improvement because they now have new information.  Moving outside, your comfort zone stretches us and can make some individuals uncomfortable.  A stubborn attitude may have you quit before realizing that growth is how we expand ourselves towards successful living.  With a better understanding of how limiting beliefs can cause you to react instead of respond, you become aware of the choices you are making for your life. 


Men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire.  ~ Dan Brown


Recognizing the Ego


The ego has many disguises and labels it has taken on over the years.  It’s how we tend to see and define ourselves even though our true authentic self is the soul.  The egoic mind drives most of the negative emotions since the ego is motivated by fear.  Although it’s natural for it to look at the worst-case scenario, it tends to stay with that image instead of looking at all the alternatives. 


Self-worth is based outside the egoic mind instead of internally.  The ego focuses outward for validation in the opposite direction of the soul.  The egoic mind is needy and wants its desires fed regularly.  The ego makes excuses for reacting with fear instead of taking responsibility and changing because it’s uncomfortable with the unknown. 


Facing the unknown allows the soul to emerge.  It allows us to see the courage we have to look past the dread and know that the terror we thought we would experience was a lie.  When we release the fear of the ego, only the soul remains. 


I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. ― Frank Herbert


Self-imposed Pain


I was living in a self-made prison for years before I retook my power after my traumatic childhood.  The constant state of dread that I lived in was keeping me stagnant and in the past. Fear was so powerful that I wasn’t able to see a better way of living.  I thought that a life of terror was the life I had to tolerate.  In the book The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho points out that the fear of suffering is worse than real anguish, yet I was causing my own pain by allowing my ego to keep me in a state of never-ending distress. 


The soul knows a better way to live than a self-imposed prison of agony.  It’s not about accepting our fears; it’s about overcoming and transcending them entirely.  We were never meant to be fearful beings.  We are beings of light and love.  We all deserve to live life fully and free from anxiety.  By doing so, we allow the soul to choose what is best for us, unlike the ego.  It adopts the opposite. The egoic mind decides how to protect itself to the cost of everything else.   


Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.  ~ Paulo Coelho


Making the Choice


Fear gets up close and personal.  It screams and talks fast.  And when we are intimidated, we give up our power, and terror wins.  For us to overcome the terror, we have to make the decision not to do what it says.  Terror is a tormenter, and when you submit, it increases its supremacy over your life.  So, the more you listen to the dread of the egoic mind, the more authority you give it. 


However, overcoming it means that you can recognize what it says, but you instead choose to be courageous and do the opposite.  The more you face the terror, the more control you get back.  Once you are aware of this, you can choose to move past your fears methodically and live a better life. 


So the choice you have to make is that fear isn’t an option anymore.  Therefore you must shift your consciousness from reacting out of distress to its opposite, responding with love.  We make choices daily, but this conscious decision to respond with love is entirely life-altering on every level. 


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. ~ Marianne Williamson


Learning to Identify with Love


Just as the ego is loud, the soul speaks softly.  It’s the whisper, the gut feeling, the inner voice.  Its voice is something we need to tune ourselves to hear.  When you listen to the soul, you lovingly accept your authentic self and the world around you.  Your passions and goals surface from your soul.  Forgiveness comes easily as you recognize that we all take missteps.  Disappointments are lessened as there is less attachment to the outcomes because there is an internal knowing that everything works out for the best. 

You are in the flow more often as ideas and solutions arise from within.  You are in tune with yourself and your body, and you nurture it as a vehicle for your soul. 


We spend our lives trying to remember who we really are, and the soul is your authentic self.  Connected to Source since the beginning of time, the soul always was, always is, and always will be.  The soul is the energy that makes us who we are which can’t be created or destroyed, only transformed, and currently is being expressed in the form of an individual human being


Awakening to this awareness of who you are allows for the expansion of possibilities for your life.  As you realize that you are limitless in what you can do, a successful life is assured. 


Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.  ~ C. JoyBell C.


Love Keeps Us Safe


Your life is a reflection of whether you react out of fear or respond from a place of love.  The ego wants you to believe that everything out there is to harm you, which is a lie. The truth is that we are safer in this world when we respond with love to the situations we find ourselves. This safety is because all that is happening is for your personal growth.  People that come and go in your life is for you to learn from them or for you to teach them.  Any traumas in your life didn’t break you, and there is nothing about you to fix. You’re to lovingly accept yourself as you are as well as those around you. 


By following the soul’s whisper, you maintain control of your life as the thoughts and feelings come from a positive place. Therefore you're responding with proper behaviors that move you in the direction you want your life to go.  Your soul is always choosing what’s best for you, so you are safe.  It also means that you have the right answer inside you at all times.  Isn’t recognizing this knowledge empowering?  The most significant restrictions in our lives don’t come from life situations but our limiting beliefs.


As we grow in responding with love, we become more mindful and aware as we are more fully present.   We spend our time in the here and now versus the past or the future.  Awareness of this moment allows us to be grateful for all the blessings in our lives. 


Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.  ― Bertrand Russell


Moving Forward


As we move through life, the ego is looking at ways to keep you small.  When we give in to the voice of dread, we give up the control of our lives to the egoic mind.  But along with the ego’s screams are the whispers of the soul.  It’s analyzing the situations from a place of love and will allow you to respond for the best outcome for your life.  The soul is looking for expansion as it is limitless.  It recognizes the boundless potential that you have to move past a life of fear into a life of love. 


I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know.  ― Yann Martel


As you remember who you are and become more aware of the life of fear you are living, then you can choose a different path to take, a life of responding with love.   To receive more enlightening articles right into your email, fill this out now.

Do you need support in moving away from a life of fear?  Do you need help in hearing the soul's voice?  Do you want a strategy to help you create a loving life experience?  If so, please contact me, and we can put together an action plan for you to be authentically you and for you to know that you are enough.

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