Outlining
As a writing coach and publisher, I’m not supposed to take sides when it comes to genres. I work on all kinds of books—novels, how-to books, essay collections, anthologies, and even poetry collections; but memoir is my true love, and for me the most rewarding of all genres—to edit, to midwife, and to read.
But memoir has a somewhat spotty reputation. It’s often referred to as the bastard child of book publishing. Editors and agents alike are wary of memoir. There’s a rumor—I hear it all the time—that memoir doesn’t sell. It’s not uncommon to hear agents at conferences shutting down bright-eyed aspiring authors with a simple, “I don’t represent memoir.”
But then you take a look around, and you see memoir everywhere in popular culture. This week’s Golden Globes gave nods to the memoirs Wild and Traveling to Infinity (the memoir upon which The Theory of Everything was based). I found this interesting post featuring the 10 Best Movies Adapted from Memoir, and it could have easily been 100 movies long.
For my part, my education in memoir came during my tenure as Executive Editor at Seal Press. I was blessed to work in an environment that celebrated memoir, even as we vowed every single season to acquire less of it. As a women’s press, even the prescriptive material Seal published was usually story-driven, and in marketing meetings we spent a lot of time thinking about how to categorize something that was essentially a memoir as something else—mostly to offset the perception of how much memoir we were publishing.
Even as the industry tries to keep an arm’s length away from memoir, it’s also publishing memoir like crazy. I participated in multiple bidding wars for memoirs in my final years at Seal, and I felt like I was losing more and more good memoir even as my colleagues at bigger houses were saying they didn’t want it.
Beyond the industry, there seems to be mixed feeling about memoir from readers as well. People are clearly reading it and being touched by it, and yet online it’s trashed relentlessly. This line from a Gawker post about the movie Wild (and how much it sucked), written by a woman, struck me:
I'm not a total hater of movies based on memoirs by women (even though I think a person should exhaust every other possible avenue of creative a/o therapeutic expression before turning to writing down their personal story for public sale).
I immediately wondered why this writer felt the need to qualify that she’s not a total hater of movies based on memoirs by women. Why not just memoirs in general? It got my wheels turning about the perception of memoir as a selfish genre—an exercise in navel-gazing, a self-centered pursuit, etc. I don’t think it’s a far leap to say that the ambivalence surrounding memoir lies in some form of unacknowledged (read: internalized) misogyny. Because even though men write memoirs, it’s not a genre they gravitate to as much as women do. When I’ve seen male memoirists criticized, it’s for accusations of stretching the truth, or outright lying (think Augusten Burroughs, James Frey, Greg Mortenson, and Frank McCourt). Women memoirists, by comparison, tend to be accused of being boring, lame, selfish, tiring, self-centered, slutty, and crazy. No wonder half the writers I work with are so freaking afraid to publish their memoirs!
My own opinion of memoir is the exact opposite of these characterizations. I know memoir-writing to be soul-baring, courageous, and transformative. Any writer who puts their story to the page—who’s willing and strong enough to publicly share their truth—should be championed and celebrated and honored. Instead, they’re often ridiculed and shut down and derided.
My take on what’s happening here is psychological in nature, so bear with me. My sense is that everyone wants to be seen. It’s a basic human desire that’s pure and good, but whose shadow side is jealousy. When other people get recognized—and isn’t being published the ultimate form of recognition?—it can trigger in us an envious rage. Why does their story deserve to be told? We pick it apart and connect with our inner hater. We wonder, What makes her think she’s so special? And if you take that thread further, it probably leads to, Why her and not me?
I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who are not haters, but true cheerleaders. I teach memoir writing with Linda Joy Myers, the ultimate champion of memoirists. I blog at She Writes (hello!), an amazing community that supports and honors women. I came of age at a feminist publishing house (I know!) that reminded me every day for eight years of the value of publishing women’s voices. Today I continue my personal mission to support women’s voices through my work at She Writes Press. Yes, I’m so so lucky. But to continue to hold on to this luck, we must call out what’s not okay. And it’s not okay to mindlessly trash other people’s hard efforts. If you don’t like the writing or the story, engage in some thoughtful consideration of why. When I first read Eat, Pray, Love, I didn’t like it. I thought Liz Gilbert was too privileged, too honest, too precious; I thought the book was too contrived, too preconceived. I also thought that her story was a lot like mine (I was fresh out of a divorce) and I thought I knew more about Italy than she did (after all, I lived in Spain for a year and dated a Spaniard for four). She’d struck a nerve, and I was pissed at her for having the gumption to write (beautifully, yes) about something I was still processing in my own life. Nearly eight years later, I read it again, and now, though sane eyes and with distance, I see the gift that Liz brought to her readers—and I love this memoir.
It was eye-opening for me to have this experience because it never would have happened had Eat, Pray, Love been a novel. You don’t get pissed off at a novelist for having your experience, or for articulating it better than you can, or for living their life better than you live your life. You just don’t. And so memoir is complicated. It brings up feelings, and it can bring out the mean girl in all of us. So be aware, and next time you don’t like a memoir, ask yourself why. Is it just a bad book, worthy of your disdain, or does it maybe trigger in you something you’re just not ready to face? And yes, please support women memoirists. We need each other!
I’d love to hear your thoughts about the cultural perception of memoir. Share your experiences, please!
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I am in the process of publishing with SWP now. My book is titled "Changed by Chance, Champion by Choice". When Brooke asked me to categorize it, I immediately defined it as inspirational non-fiction, which it is. Brooke insisted that it is a memoir, which it is too. But I resisted being labeled in the memoir genre.
Why? Because my immediate thought was "who would want to read a book that is a Memoir of an unknown first time author like me?" Although my story is indeed unique and amazing, if I dubbed it a memoir, would anyone care? I couldn't even imagine telling friends or family that my book is a memoir (I haven't used that word with them), for fear that they would think that I was self absorbed or considered myself "special". I think that the word memoir conjures up this image to many people. It seems fitting only for the rich and famous or those who are/were newsmakers. And so, if I present my story as an inspirational self help book, the tables are turned. It's not just about me, it's about me sharing my story and my experiences to help readers overcome their own similar life adversities and to be their own champions.
The fact that there is so much popular reality TV out there today is evidence that we want to peek into others' lives - good, bad or ugly - and to reinforce to ourselves that nobody's perfect or, to learn lessons from watching them . All of these shows are a form of memoir and we seem to love it.
There are many great points presented here in this discussion about the memoir genre, but I must admit, I still have reservations about touting my book as simply a memoir. By no means does this imply that I am worried about the worthiness and the value of my book. I feel that it is an excellent story. It is just that the memoir label doesn't feel like the perfect fit for me right now. Diversity of thinking and sharing of ideas is what helps all of us. Thanks for the thought provoking discussion on this topic.
I applaud women (or men) who write a memoir for two reasons: One, they may need to heal by expressing the deepest (often unexplored) parts of their soul and life experiences so they can look at their published book as a testament of survival. Not all survival guides are worthy of publication. Many memoirs are self-indulgent and painful to read, garnering waves of sympathy from other readers with similar experience, which further feeds the insecurity and validation in the writer to have found a common ground of some sort with others who have gone through their personal hell. However, there are excellent memorists out there who have helped others see that their trauma was not unique, or have provided insight into behavior(s) that were unknown, giving the reader hope that they too can change their life and move forward to a place of acceptance. Memoirs that help others are exceptionally valuable. The second worthy reason to write a memoir is to provide a legacy that is part of history others might not know about, and something you would want to leave for your family and generations to come. No one should criticize someone else's life choices (the book WILD is a good example) unless you have literally walked in their shoes. For many, the process of writing a memoir is a kind of therapy no therapist can provide. However, our society seems to thrive on bashing. Once a memoirist publishes their story for others to read, they can expect to find a great deal of support and an equal amount of disdainful criticism from those who think they should have made different choices. Writers with a strong sense of who they are today will be able to withstand the inevitable criticism, holding tight to their own truths.
Thanks for this, Maura. I work with so many memoirists who are embarrassed about their genre. But I've also seen so many writers get over it. It's almost like something you have to talk yourself out of, or realize how much it doesn't make sense. Sounds like you're getting there. Sometimes it just takes a quick reframe. Good luck!
I love when life shows you the next step. In my case on the rickety rope bridge. Yesterday I met a woman for coffee who is a published author. In our conversation she gave me the name of a consultants website. On that website the consultant re tweeted your post on memoir bashing. Your words helped me have the confidence to share my memoir with the world. Your comments on EPL and Wild were similar to my own thoughts. Thanks for your post, it has helped me to not be embarrassed that I wrote a memoir.
I'm going to plug my memoir, here, just to illustrate how vast the genre of memoir can be - as humans we have such a variety of experience that memoir topics can be as diverse as those of novels, documentaries, or journalism. Although memoir is, like, THE universal impulse (I have lived and have a story to tell), which means there are a LOT of pedestrian volumes published (pedestrian as in everything from ho-hum to I-took-a-walk-in-Italy/the Wild), but anyone who puts down memoirs is sure to eat his or her words at some time or another. Thank you for sharing how you did, Brooke!
Great comments on this post, btw. Thoughtful people in this club!
And now here's that plug for Perfectly Revolting: My Glamorous Cartooning Career: There are some funny cartoons in it.
Good writing and a compelling story will grab me every time, whether it is memoir or fiction. I gravitate to women's writing in general, but to women's memoirs in particular, in order to see myself more clearly through the mirror of their experiences. And I love the emotional depth they are able to articulate. I believe the criticism is again a bias towards the male pov and does not reflect the fact that we are hungry for stories, stories of how others cope and survive and grow, the stories we once shared in quilting bees or around the fire or while baking together. When I get together with friends, this is what we do: tell our stories.
In my own work, I started writing my memoir without the present self reflecting on the past self because that style came naturally to me. Others critiqued it saying, if you are only going to write the story without the self-reflection, why not make it a novel? I just knew that was not the right genre for this story, a gut feeling I can't explain, so I am in the porcess of revisioning and copy editing. I am reading Joan Baez's memoir (or is it autobiography?) And a Voice to Sing With. Her literary style is not the most developed but I love reading about the '60s through her eyes. My reaction to Eat Pray Love was similiar: how I would have loved to be gifted a trip to Italy when I was in anguish over a huge loss! And yet, I enjoyed her writing style and the journey itself.
Yes, RYCJ. They are difficult to write, and I think as readers we need to just check our knee-jerk reactions. In total agreement on the perspective thing.
Laughing out loud @Shary! Aww...That was funny! And Brooke, you really nailed it on your post. Of course I am a memoir reader, which I get a lot out of, particularly those I feel wrought with honesty, even if I don't share the memoirists values.
That said, memoirs can be very difficult to not only write, but comment on for many reasons; the primary being 'perspective'.
Really good points, Jean. Thank you for this. I totally agree that criticism tends to be hurled at the woman writer and not at their story while men tend to get criticized for the work. But you see this in all spheres/industries/arenas of life.
Given the sales of memoirs it's clear that readers love good stories that are well-written. The perception of memoir revulsion may spring in part from the current antipathy directed at the selfie generation, whether expressed as photographs or words.
As for male versus female... my own impression is that, yes, for sure, fewer men write memoirs. When they do, men tend to focus more on the action plot compared to the way women dwell on the emotional plot. I marvel that Liar's Club and A Year by the Sea move into pages-long reflections and feelings, something you just don't see from men. Thus criticisms of female memoir seem directed at the person, not the writing or story. The writer and her feelings are the target and that becomes very personal. If you will forgive me for a false generalization, it may also be true that women take criticism to heart more than men.
Which is to say we have to tell the story we have to tell and if we tell it well many people will like it and some will not no matter what label you apply to the story. As a speaker I learned to throw out the top 10 and bottom 10 percent of evaluations because no matter what you do some people will love you and some will hate you. You will do best if you focus on those who find value in your work.
The things people say they hate about memoir are the things that others love the most.
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Thanks for the inspiration, Kelly. YES!
<<So be aware, and next time you don’t like a memoir, ask yourself why. Is it just a bad book, worthy of your disdain, or does it maybe trigger in you something you’re just not ready to face? >>
Perfect line, Brooke. I initially criticized EPL because I felt Gilbert didn't delve deeply enough into her pain. I felt she glossed over it and I didn't understand the impetus for her journey. Until...
I realized that was exactly what was driving me crazy about my own "memoir"! Damn, I hate it when I bump dab-smack into a mirror!
Would you consider a future post on how to sell memoir despite the prejudice against it?
Kelly Hayes-Raitt
Susan, She Writes strives to have spaces like this. Originally the groups did provide supportive environments for authors to connect, and they're still there, but we are working on their functionality! It's a goal we have for this year and moving into next. Thanks!
And thanks for your comments, Carol and Lea.
Sarah, thanks for your insight. I always say there is no such thing as a fictionalized memoir. A fictionalized memoir is a novel. So it's possible that people don't really know how to react when you say that. You might just say that you're writing a novel based on your life. Which novelists have been doing since the origins of the novel. I think your thoughts about memoir are pretty universal. This is perhaps why memoirists have more to prove, and why it's so important to learn how to write. Really good memoirs do read like fiction—WITH reflection. That's the main difference, really. Good luck with your writing!
Shary—YES!
This is really wonderful, Joanne. Thank you for your comment. I agree with you wholeheartedly about the value of memoir for seeing into the experience and lives of others. It can make you a more compassionate person as well, and open up such depth of understanding. I love the title of your book. I'm going to check it out!
Thanks for this great post, reminding us of the complicated context into which we send out our lives in writing. I've certainly experienced some of those responses: what makes you so special? isn't this over-sharing? why do you think anyone else will be interested in the detritus of your life?
But reader responses have also come from a much deeper human connection and need: are there other lives like mine? can I find ways to understand lives that are different from mine?
I know that the most moving responses I've had to my own memoir, Biting the Moon: A Memoir of Feminism and Motherhood, have come from people (usually women, but some men too) who say: you helped me see my own life; I too have lived what you've lived. And this is often from people whose lives on the outside seem so different from my own.
One more thought about the value of memoir. As a white woman I have sought out memoirs, especially memoirs by African-American men and women, in my urgent need to reach a deeper understanding of racism: Charles Blow, for a recent example, and Maya Angelou as an earlier example. I have also turned to Jane Lazarre's Beyond the Whiteness of Whiteness: Memoir of a White Mother of Black Sons; here my common experiences as a mother opened onto new insights into the workings of racism as we bring up children in a culture where racism persists.
My love of good fiction remains, but I am convinced that memoirs have a special place in giving authentic access to a range of human experiences that are difficult to render--finding our common humanity.
Joanne Frye
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Wow, Brooke, I love this—especially what you reveal about yourself! Brava!
Thank you for this invigorating, empowering post, Brooke!
It makes me want to stand up and SHOUT, "I AM A MEMOIR-IST-- HEAR ME ROAR!!" ; bench press 250 and then sit down at my laptop to pound out one self-indulgent memoir after another!!
YOU are the ULTIMATE champion, advocate, high priestess of MEMOIR, Brooke Warner.
Thank you.
I think one of the difficulties people have with memoirs is the assumption that they're written like a diary: "On January 2, 1976, we went down to the corner store where candy was only a penny a piece" and so on, without realizing that they are still written works of art that tell and evolve a story.
I am on the first draft of my first novel. I have never been published nor do I have any credibility in any strain of the writing world, but I know that it's what I'm meant to do so my nose is plugged and I'm jumping in, so to speak. When people ask me what I'm writing about, at first I didn't know what to say. It's about a girl who goes through love, drugs, men, and heartbreak but I'm not about to say that every time. So I started saying "fictionalized memoir" and the reactions are pretty stagnant. "Oh." Luckily the conversation changes shortly after because no one wants to elaborate on that kind of story. If I had said "a fantasy world with dragons and warriors and magic" then I would expect "Oh, wow! Cool, what happens?" But instead I get "Oh" and we move on. To the untrained reader the word "memoir" conjures up visions of self-indulgence and maybe even a holier-than-thou pretense. I'll admit, sometimes when I'm in the bookstore I'll go right past the memoir section because I figure, who are they? Why do I care? But in order to learn you have to be willing.
I had no idea that memoirs got such a bad rap. When I look for a book or a movie, I gravitate toward the memoir - always have. Possibly it was because my life was so traumatic for 4 decades and everything that happened to me made me realize what a great story it would make. Apparently, I was right even though it took my daughter 10 years to convince me to do it and then another 10 years to write it. I did have the presence of mind to write it as a suspense novel instead of chronological which, in hindsight, was the right thing to do. Although promoting it has been a full time job with many discouragements, the upside is it has opened a whole new world. For example, one radio station who interviewed me asked me to do a weekly show on inspiration and hope. Everyone has a story and although I thought my story was pretty traumatic, I am interviewing people every week who make me wonder - how did they ever cope and have such a great attitude? Makes me want to read even more memoirs as it builds strength in each of us.
PS, loved this post!! xo
Memoir is so vulnerable Brooke, and that's the most courageous road to walk. It requires a thick skin of sorts and to surround yourself with strong, empowered women only helps. Does She Writes have something like this? A meeting place to support and lift up each other while we write? I think it'd be a great place to start. I've been hunting for strong women to surround myself with and it's not easy to find.
I totally agree with Cate and Brooke. Envy is dangerous. In fact, my recently completed memoir, Something About You, is about being driven out of a small town in rural Montana, and at the root of it: envy. My daughter often tells the story of an acclaimed artist who displayed a blank canvas as part of his show, and all the spectators said derisively, "well, I could have done that," to which his reply was, "But you didn't." And I find the memoir critic's statement that we should work out our issues in writing as a last resort to be perplexing. I believe that one of the points of art is to transform and elevate that which is painful, hidden, and even mundane.
Good luck, Debi! It's extra hard when the culture seems to validate these thoughts that are already threatening to suffocate you. So being armed with some understanding and ammo definitely helps. Welcome to SheWrites!
Brooke, I am new to SheWrites and stumbled upon this just at the right moment. I'm working on a memoir/instructional book about my daughter's experience with misdiagnosis and mysterious illness, largely because this is the book I wish had existed for me to read as we were in the thick of the mess. My greatest fear is, as you wrote so beautifully above, the image of the reader saying "Why does [this] story deserve to be told?"
As I write, that is a thought I must willfully banish -- but, oh, it's hard! Thank you for giving voice to it so that I can see it coming and push it away!