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[The Art of Submission] It's Not You It's Me
Contributor
Written by
Emily Lackey
October 2014
Contributor
Written by
Emily Lackey
October 2014

A week ago, a high school senior e-mailed me about my life as a writer. Her teacher is a friend of mine from grad school, and he suggested she get in touch with me for her senior project on writing fiction.

I didn’t respond for eight days. I watched the e-mail get pushed down further and further in my inbox and tried to think of what I had to share with this writer. This very new writer.

I finally wrote something this morning. I answered her questions, but I also rambled, unsure of what to say or how to say it or what wisdom would be helpful to her as she begins her writing life. Do you have a writing routine? she asked. Do you have any helpful writing exercises?

 They were good questions, questions that people often ask of writers, looking for a way into their creative lives and their success, but, in answering them, I didn’t want to lie. I haven’t written anything in weeks.

There are some things you should know: I got a job. A full-time job with an immense amount of responsibilities, which means I tend to need two hours each night just to unwind my body and brain from all of the tasks I needed to complete, all the tasks I didn’t complete, and all the tasks I will need to complete tomorrow.

But there is something else, too: I’ve been getting slammed with rejections. The other day I got two rejections within thirty minutes of each other. And ever since they started coming in, I feel like I’ve flatlined.

This is how it happens, I’ve been thinking lately. This is how people stop writing.

It might be symptomatic of the period I am in—leaving my MFA program and therefore leaving my writing community—but if I am being honest with myself, it has more to do with the rejections than anything else.

Here’s something that I would never say out loud: when I send my work out into the world, every single time I hit submit on a story, I really and truly believe that they are going to accept my work. But it’s more than that, too. I become attached to the journals I submit to. I check the website daily. I subscribe to the journal and follow them on Twitter. I get giddy when their editor-in-chief follows me on Instagram. Anything, any sign of recognition, feels like requite. And so when the rejections come, they feel like something more than just pieces of paper. One after another. All of those journals leaving me at the end of the night, all of those journals not calling back, all of those journals saying through carefully worded e-mails, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

A writer friend of mine responded to my texts about getting too emotionally attached to one journal in particular with, “Get over [said journal] by sleeping with Black Warrior Review.” I love him for that, but I still haven’t sent anything else out, and I still haven’t written sincerely in weeks.

So, friends, I’m desperate to know: Has rejection ever put a stop to your creative process? And, if so, how did you get it back?

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Comments
  • Sally Pfoutz

    I loved Monica Byrne's "Resume" and she says exactly what I try to remember; you should always be working on something new (writing!) and you write because you enjoy the process, not with publication as your only goal.  

  • Terry Gibson

    Rejection stopped me in my tracks several times over many years. The last shares I did with two different friends, I received absolutely no response. No words. No explanation, like, "This isn't the kind of work I relate to." I didn't hear, "I wish you didn't ask." Total silence. Not even, "I'm sorry but this material triggered and paralyzed me." This hurt and still does.  Perhaps I should have expected nothing. I wasn't aware I hoped for something. Even a grunt and nod. This will not stop me like my mother's words did when I was a pre-teen. "Anybody who feels that much love has got to be 'Sick!'' I will never stop, however.

  • Sakki selznick Publishing

    Um, Duh, Emily, how do I link something to your wall? God, I am such a Luddite. I'm not even sure what an html is? 

    This is what it said across the top of what I wrote. . . http://sakkiselznick123.blogspot.com/2014/04/about-color-of-safety.html

    Maybe I'll buck you up when you're down and you can teach me how to do bloggy stuff. 

    Sakki

  • Lloyd Lofthouse

    I belong to the California Writers Club (founded in 1909 by Jack London and friends) and at one monthly meeting we had a talk by a husband and wife team, who have been making their living as literary agents for more than 40 years.  They said that they rejected 99.9% of the manuscripts submitted to them and of those they accepted, publishers rejected 99.9% of them.  They also mentioned a best seller that the husband had rejected and never shared with the wife when it came in to the agency. Later, the wife berated him becasue this was a book she would have loved and argued to represent.  That book was "Eat, Pray, Love".

  • Emily Lackey

    I'd love to read that post when you've written, Sakki. Please link to it on my wall!

  • Emily Lackey

    LOL @ an anti-resume. 

  • Sakki selznick Publishing

    And this is also something important to remember. I know for me, if I don't write, I get a bit nutty. My family can tell when I'm not doing daily work and so can I. So another piece of the puzzle is to remember that we don't, most of us, really write or make creative acts, because we crave success, although we do, most of us crave success.

    Look, two two days ago, I taught my little one an old theater game. You immerse yourself in an animal of someone else's choice, put yourself in that animal's body and persona, and then gradually, you pull the animal back to a person who is doing an activity, also given by an outsider. My kid stunned me with the marvelous giraffe person she created, the slow motions, the lanky gait, blinky eyes, the mouth chewing sideways as she spoke. 

    We create, we humans, because we must. It is part of our genetic makeup. The market place, all the rest of it, that's just, well, a kind of illusion layered over the creativity. Yes, it's important, I suppose, to share our work, to bring it back from the hunt and do that animal dance around the communal fire-pit. The community, too, needs that shared animal dance, doesn't it? They need our stories to translate the dark around them. We all need to laugh at what frightens us most, to find ways to handle our envy of those who have what we long for, to learn how to survive the rush of love and manage the keening harshness of loss. Those of us who are no longer tribal might not get to actually sit around a communal fire-pit. That's what movies, and theater and novels and short stories and music and painting are all about. I think that's important to remember, too. Our work does serve a purpose.

    But while I do always feel that my writing fills that communal purpose, I write because I have to. That's how I make sense of the world. It always has been. I write, like a miniature God, to recreate and better understand the world around me. 

    Hey, I think I'm going to lift this whole thing and use it as a blog post. I don't write blog posts much, but you guys are really making me think! Thank you. 

  • Debra Borchert

    I'm not sure if we can link out on this board so I won't paste the url, but I read an article in the Washington Post by an author, Monica Byrne, who wrote about rejections (8/8/14). She estimates her rejection rate at 97%. She put all her rejections into a color-coded spreadsheet and calls it her "anti-resume."

  • Emily Lackey

    I knew someone was going to call me out on that, Lloyd. I realize failure is not always closely followed by success, nor is it always followed by success, but it's still nice to hear these stories. I think it's important to know that it's possible in order to keep going. 

  • Debra Borchert

    OK, I should have also mentioned that my memoir was rejected 84 times before I gave up. Silly me, I'm now pitching a novel, 12 rejections so far, but 2 requests for the manuscript. I wonder why I do this when I feel low and then I remember that I want to share my story. That desire seems to fuel my efforts of sending it out to more agents.

  • Lloyd Lofthouse

    "I am loving all of these stories of rejection followed closely by success!"


    I hesitate to disagree, but rejection isn't always followed closely by success. For instance, any success I’ve had with my first novel came about 40 years after my first manuscript was picked up by an agent and seriously considered by a traditional mid-sized publisher. Over those decades, I wrote more than a dozen manuscripts that all faced repeated rejection from traditional publishers---even after a few were represented by agents.

     

    For James Lee Burke, it took him five years to get his first book, Half of Paradise, in print. It was rejected everywhere. Then, when it was released, the book had good reviews but didn't sell and his publisher dropped him.

     

    To the Bright and Shining Sun, his second published novel, was rejected by 14 houses before it was accepted. His third, Lay Down My Sword and Shield, was critically mauled. His next novel, The Lost Get-Back Boogie, was rejected 111 times and was under submission for nine years.

     

    Burke said, "I stayed out of hardcover print for 14 years. I couldn't sell iced water in Hades. I don't know how many books I wrote during that period, but I couldn't sell any of them."

     


    Where is Burke’s writing career today? The Mystery Writers of America (MWA) awarded its Edgar Allan Poe Award for Best Novel of the year in 1990 for Black Cherry Blues. In 1998 the MWA again awarded its "Edgar" for Best Novel of the year for Burke's Cimarron Rose. Then in 2009 James Lee Burke received the MWA's Grand Master Award. It is rare for a mystery novelist to win both an "Edgar" [Edgar Allan Poe] Award and a Guggenheim Fellowship.  In addition, at last four of his books that have been New York Times bestsellers.

     

    Rejection followed by persistence---after crashing, recovering from the depression and starting the journey again---paves the road to success and that road might be long when we are counting years, which lends credence to the journey being more important than the desired goal we hope is waiting at the end of that journey.

  • Sakki selznick Publishing

    Wise woman. I teach my kids that disappointment is a fact of life and should be honored. Before I was cast in a big role as an actor, I heard those around me say that they didn't really care if they got it. I did, and I gave myself permission to go to bed for a week if I lost the part. Important to remember. 

  • Debra Borchert

    Please note that before I got angry I celebrated with a good cry. I think I even pitched a huge hissy fit. I think it's important to honor disappointment because it keeps us connected to the passion we have for our work. Only after I connected to that disappointment could I get in touch with the anger. 

  • Sakki selznick Publishing

    We really do have to be a cheering squad for one another. It's very easy to get discouraged, but not when you have people around you cheering you on and keeping you submitting. 

    Besides, as I said on another spot, Emily, starting a new job is rough. That creative fire will build up in you and pour out as soon as you have a chance to sit your butt in a chair, (or stand at your walking desk, should you be so lucky to have one.) 

  • Sakki selznick Publishing

    Love that story, Debra. Anger can be such a great motivator. Hurrah for you. 

  • Emily Lackey

    Sakki, love that story of your artist friend and that quote. What a wonderful idea: instead of waiting for acceptances, strive for one hundred rejections. Now that I can do. In fact I've already begun: 17 down, 83 to go. Thank you, thank you! 

  • Emily Lackey

    I am loving all of these stories of rejection followed closely by success! I know these stories, I've heard them myself, but it's always so much more difficult to remember them when you are in the middle of a slump. Thank you, She Writes friends, for helping me to gain a little perspective when I wasn't able to myself. 

  • Debra Borchert

    Celebrate and Get Angry. 

    I once sent a piece to Newsweek, and the editor sent me a contract, took my photo, then sat on the story. They told me they wanted me to write a different piece. I said no and needed to be released from the contract, which they did. I first celebrated my disappointment with a good cry. Then, I got so angry I sent the piece, as it was, to The New York Times Sunday Magazine, "Lives" column. Two days later, they bought the piece. I received comments from all over the world. That wouldn't have happened if the piece appeared in Newsweek. 
    "Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." - Jean-Paul Sartre

  • Sakki selznick Publishing

    Hm. You've made me think, Emily. I wanted to tell you that periods of enforced non-writing, like when we start a new, demanding job, or have a new baby or a child who is in a crisis, that those, for me, wind up storing up huge reserves of creative energy and problem solving that later come flooding out in wonderful ways. I hope it's the same for you.

  • Sakki selznick Publishing

    It is easy to say but hard to do, I'll admit. She was in a class, too, meaning she already had a peer group and a teacher to be her support team as she was theirs. Emily, I would think everybody gets disheartened by rejection and everybody needs those cheerleaders to keep them going.

    One other thing I try to remember is that lovely quote from Martha Graham to a young Agnes DeMille: "There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time. This expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it.

    It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.

    No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

    Your stories may be out of style, ahead of their time, may remind that editor of his mean uncle or that one of the guy who dumped her. I think Martha would suggest that you start writing some bad pages to get yourself going again, and keep sending things out.

  • Lloyd Lofthouse

    Sakki,

    This is a great suggestion. Rejection is a form of failure and the best success comes after learning from failure---picking yourself up every time you get knocked down and refusing to give up.

  • Sakki selznick Publishing

    My friend, the painter, got an assignment from her teacher at art school:she had to go to galleries and get ten rejections. She came back to class thrilled: the first four galleries she asked wanted to show her work. The teacher sent her out again. She hadn't done the assignment. She had to keep going until she got ten rejections. Getting those rejections, getting used to them, was her job. She's a terrific painter. It took her awhile to find those ten who would not show her work. She learned so much from this.

    Of course, the publishing world is far, far tougher than being a painter in Marin County. So everybody get out there and get, oh, 100 rejection letters and emails. Remember, your acceptances don't count. You haven't finished the assignment until you have 100 rejections.

    I also strongly suggest creating your own success team, for what of a better phrase: start a group that meets once a week to share efforts, rejections, success. The idea is to brainstorm and keep each other going.

    Good luck

  • Lloyd Lofthouse

    And what did the New York Times call Gone with the Wind? 

    "Beyond a doubt one of the most remarkable first novels produced by an American writer. It is also one of the best."

  • Lloyd Lofthouse

    Have you heard the story behind "Gone With the Wind"?

    I read some time ago that after Margaret Mitchell's epic historical romance novel was rejected by every agent and traditional publisher in New York and beyond. Crushed and depressed, she allegedly hrew it in a closet and gave up. 

    A couple of years later, a friend visited her and asked about the manuscript. Mitchell mentioned that it was in the closet and she didn't want anything to do with it.  On the way out, the friend, without permission from Mitchell, found the manuscript in that closet and took it to a friend of hers who worked for a major publishing house.

    The rest is history.