Last week I posted this on my Facebook fan page: “If I’d realized as a child that stars were never scolded for shinning, I might not have been embarrassed by—or ashamed of—my own light.”
Thirty-five people “liked” the post, a couple thanked me for it, and one person had this to say: “If you're going to pay for a post to be featured on the walls of people who don't know you, effectively spamming them, and tell them what a great resource you are for writers, you might want to spell-check it first. I'm just sayin'. Shinning?”
My heartbeat accelerated. I googled the word “shinning” and realized I’d meant to write “shining.” At first I felt embarrassed, offended, and defensive. Then I centered myself and connected with my core, where I know who I am and what I have to offer writers.
I recalled another post I’d written earlier in the week on my fan page about inner gremlins trying to sabotage my writing. Fifty people had liked that post and three had shared it. The attention that post received had surprised me. I almost didn’t post it because I was afraid to show my weakness and appear less than perfect. I mentioned this on my page, and then added, “Who wants to read anything—or spend time with a ‘perfect’ person. The more transparency I allow, the higher my chances of connecting deeply.”
Grounded in this awareness, I understood that the heated energy of the post I’d received had less to do with me, and more to do with the person writing it. I consciously chose to release all feelings of shame and defensiveness. From this place I penned my response:
“Thanks for catching that. Wish I could say it was a typo, but it was an error, and since ‘shinning’ is the present participle of ‘shin,’ spell-check didn’t catch it. I apologize for the eyesore. I never thought of promoted posts as spam. My intention is to be of service. I’m a midwife of stories, not a copyeditor. I’m sure you know the art and craft of writing consists of much more than spelling. I help people reach into deep, dark places. Still, I understand your frustration, and as a fellow lover of words, I don’t enjoy seeing them mangled either. So again, thank you.”
Soon after, I received this private message from the woman who’d sent that comment: “I appreciate you taking it without offense. As a former newspaper copyeditor, I cringe when I see errors like that, particularly when it's someone promoting writing! I almost didn't post because I didn't want to be snarky, and I should have been kinder about it. I'll have to check out your site. I'm working on a book and might need some help!”
The point of this post is not to suggest spelling and grammar don’t matter. They do. I’m meticulous about having my work copyedited before sending it to journals, agents, and editors. My spelling has improved over the years, a result of my love for reading, which blossomed as a young adult. I’ve grown to enjoy grammar, too, tools of my trade. A recent article, “Ten Mistakes Writers Make,” inspired me to buy The Chicago Manual of Style, which I’m looking forward to reading—for fun! But not all writers are great spellers or grammarians. Last week in class two of my most imaginative storytellers felt embarrassed for not knowing what a “gerund” was. I’ve also worked with people who never finished, or even attended, college, and don’t have a strong command of the language, but can still tell a wicked story! So don’t think if you can’t spell, if you're dyslexic, or if you don’t know the rules of grammar that you can’t write. Learn everything you can about your art and craft, have your work proofread by a pro, and never be ashamed of what you don’t know.
Cannot find your fb page, Evalyn. Please send me the link. Thanks, B.
Yay! So happy to hear this, Evalyn! Thanks for joining me on facebook. I'll look for your page too!
Bella! Wow! Thank you for this idea. I've been work with Brooke, on my novel, and it never ever occurred to me to apply her amazingness to copy editing a blog post. Bless you. Okay, okay, maybe -- with a few more chapters of my novel in better shape and underway -- I can get to grips with the idea of starting a blog. Thank you. Thank you! Whooo hooo. I love solutions.
Evalyn: I'm so glad you wrote this. As great as Richard Ford's quote is, I got more out of what YOU had to say! It moved me and resonated deeply. I think I felt the same way at one point—not wanting to blog because I didn't want people to see my weaknesses. But I knew I had something to offer that went beyond all that—as you obviously do too. My solution was to start with two blog posts a month and to have them proofread by Brooke Warner, my editor/coach. She's fabulous and if an error slips by her, I figure even the best spellers and grammarians make mistakes, so BIG DEAL! This doesn’t bother me as much now—especially having been through this recent experience. As a writer I have bigger fish to fry! Also, I realized the other day that when I read things online and spot errors and typos, I breeze past them and focus on content. This is easier to do online than on a printed page, and hopefully others will extend to the rest of us this same courtesy/wiggle room. We're not here to be perfect; we're here to be of service to others and to share our gifts. I encourage you to start your blog. Unconditional self-love and acceptance is the name of the game here. As you venture forth, it'll get easier and your skills will improve and you'll not only be giving others your gift, you'll be allowing yourself to receive from others as well! This is beautiful. Go for it! Thanks for reading and taking the time to leave your thoughtful comment. I’m certain I’m not the only one you’ve inspired today!
Thanks for the post. It's making me think about why I've chosen, so far, not to blog. I am dyslexic. I finally got an official diagnosis, at 48. Given that I am prepared to work as hard as I can to to find my mistakes, there is still the issue that most times I can't even see them. In our online world, where 'publication' happens at a push of a button, I decided that I was unwilling to pay the price of people perceiving my spelling mistakes as lazy, stupid or careless. So no blog. There isn't enough time in the online world --or enough copy editors -- to catch all the mistakes I am capable of making. At times, for me: 'your' and 'you're' -- are just shapes, the individual letters don't always pop out. If you can spell it is hard to imagine life on the other side of the fence. Good grammar and great spelling are important. But when words become fences that divide people from great stories, or writers from writing, it makes me sad. Great stories should never be fenced off by bad spelling. Or writers silenced from writing.
But, reading everyone's thoughts made me want to to share some insights from Richard Ford, who is also dyslexic. The questions was in response to being asked how long he 'stays' in a book as he writes:
"I'm dyslexic. I live in a sentence a way that only dyslexics live within sentences. Sentences for me are always in flux. Both the ones I write and the ones I read. Things are always tipping, tricking around in me...so for me, I've created a kind of ethic for myself, which says that writing novels isn't about finishing them. Writing novels is about staying in them. Because the longer you stay in the more you're going to get out of stuff. You are going to see a sentence which you thought you knew when you first read it and it is going to have repercussions in your brain that it didn't have the first time you wrote it. It's a little bit of mind over matter. Of wanting to stay in as long as I can. And I also think, and this is somewhat a larger answer to your question, I'm happiest when I know what I'm doing when I'm doing it. So that causes me to move slowly through something. I'm not writing something to get it over with."
Isn't that a fantastic way to think about writing: "I am happiest when I am aware of what I'm doing when I'm doing it."
Here's the link for anyone who'd like to hear the whole interview:
http:/
Thanks again Bella for the post.
Pat S., You hit the nail on the head: it's about service. "How can I be of service to others?" is a question I ask myself often. I did more than count to ten before responding; I danced, I meditated, and asked for divine guidance! I don't think anybody's heart is in the "wrong” place; we just forget who we are and why we're here—and many of us feel inadequate or like we're not measuring up in one way or another. It's taken me 50 years to move past that lie! Add to this the challenges of a writer's life, rejection, invisibility, etc. My balm is to return to my heart, to connect with and reside in my compassion and love.
Thank you SHE WRITES sisters for your thoughtful comments and also for your support!
Patricia, I know how hard it can feel to put yourself out there. I cringed when Suzy pointed out a typo in this post—even though two excellent editors missed it. But good for Suzy! This experience is teaching me not to let these things bug me. Blogs are easy to update. But here's the most important lesson I'm learning: No one can judge me if I'm not judging myself. I'm only hurt by people's "corrections" when I believe the lie that I'm "less than" or "not good enough." We are ALL good enough! As for overwhelm: take one thing at a time, stay in the moment, and HONOR YOURSELF! Sharing your writing is an act of GENEROSITY! It's a GIFT you give others, and yourself. So what if there's a typo or a misspelled word! Focus on the big picture, sharing from your heart.
Feeling overwhelmed. We are supposed to be blogging and tweeting and responding to people on facebook and always spell correctly and be grammatically correct. I used to be a great speller and knew all the rules. Times have changed. The older I get the more errors slip through. So sometimes I don't post anything rather than make a mistake. :(
Your reply to the person who pointed out your error was wonderful--thoughtful and gracious. And despite your initial reaction, you seem to have made a friend as well.
I used to be really good with spelling and grammar, but recently, secondary to moving to Israel and working very hard to learn Hebrew, both my spelling and English vocabulary have deteriorated. So I'm relying more on Spellcheck, which I hate because it misses so many errors, and asking my husband to proofread everything I send out. It's annoying to have to do this, but it's less annoying than receiving emails pointing out errors.
Kudos to you, Bella, for a very graceful response on your part. Snarkiness rules social media. But you've just shown that kindness and sincerity is the path that is truly social - i.e. the way we build true community.
I love this post.
Because of my childhood and all the dysfunction, I normally would've gotten defensive. I've learned from you on this one. It wouldn't have been worth it for me to "go there."
I corrected an ex-best friend of mine. She sent me a card wishing me a happy birthday. I thanked her for her sentiments. She said that it wasn't sentimental,but sincere.
WHAT? I immediately looked up the two words--both very closely related. And she was an English teacher!
Another quick one...when I was in the middle of writing my memoir, someone in my book club said in a very nasty, snide tone of voice, "Who'd want to read YOUR book?"
I guess, not her. I continued writing and published my memoir last December.
Beside Myself--Recovery From My Family Betrayal and Estrangement-- A Memoir
Cheers to all of my fellow writers!
Ten percent of all people have their heart in the wrong place ... they are serving themselves rather than others. Often, people are critical of others in order to elevate themselves (in their own minds) in status. You did a great thing in taking a deep breath, probably counting to ten, and then responding. I like what my Bible says on this subject: "Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice." Prov. 13:10. You certainly gave me food for thought, and it's advice I'll remember! (Yes, Heidi M. Thomas ... "win-win" is always good.)
I'm glad you were able to step back, learn from it and your reply was gracious, and so was hers. A win-win. Thanks for sharing this. As writers we strive for perfections, but we're human and we're never gonna make it! :)
"your dyslexic" should be "you're dyslexic." (Sorry, couldn't help myself.)
I'm going to make a bold statement but in full confidence betting I'm fairly close to being on target: Every writer has made a typo/spelling mistake/grammatical error. I know I have in many articles and posts. Good for you for centering yourself and reaping a positive outcome from the experiene. I truly think some people get a little private kick pointing out errors. Most importantly for writers, tell a good story and hire a good editor.