There is a great scene in the movie Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade where Indiana, in an exhausting and perilous journey to find the holy grail, is at last confronted with the final obstacle to his goal. The entrance to the cave holding the coveted cup is within sight. The problem? In order to get to it, Indiana must somehow cross a seemingly bottomless chasm. But the distance is too great to jump, and Indiana can't see a way to the other side. As far as his vision can tell, if he steps off the ledge, he will plummet off the rocky edge to his inevitable death.
A year and a half ago, I made a huge, life-altering decision. By most standards of logic, especially given our economy (and my age), it was a foolish decision. I left a decent-paying career in higher education--one that had exacted a toll of a couple degrees and 22 years of my life--to write. I looked over the edge into the unknown and unpredictable and gulped. It was scary. I have to admit, the image of Indiana Jones stepping off into the abyss occurred to me more than once.
Am I hearing a collective gasp of incredulity? But wait, there's more to the story.
In the movie, Indiana's father, who lies dying in another part of the cavern whispers, "You must believe, boy. You must believe." Indiana, hearing his father's cries of pained agony echoing down the stony corridors, reaches within himself, gathers all the courage he can muster, lifts his foot high, and wills himself to move forward. He takes the fateful step--all to save his father's life
Although my circumstances may not have been as dire as the death of a loved one, the fear of stepping forward was palpable. But like Indy's father, my dream kept calling to my heart, "You must believe, child." After a year of contemplating the decision and debating the pros and cons, I finally took the big step. How could I not? My dream was calling to me; I had to save its life.
As the music and tension builds, Indiana steps into the unknown and unseen. His foot miraculously lands on a solid rock bridge that is suddenly visible, and with great relief he walks safely to the other side. The lesson, of course: he couldn't see the way until he took the step.
I wish life were as neatly written as a screenplay. I wish I could tell you I took my step, found my footing and am on my way to finding the holy grail of a published novel. But we all know the scenes in our lives aren't as nicely scripted as a Hollywood blockbuster. I'm still crossing the bridge one small, careful step at a time--a few published articles, building a platform, a fiction WIP (Work In Progress).
Whether you quit a job or not, writing has called you. It's why you're here on She Writes. It's why I'm here. What has your journey been like? Do you feel like you're taking steps on an invisible bridge across a bottomless abyss? What dream is calling you to "just believe"?
I look forward to the coming weeks and month as we take this leap together, one tentative step at a time. It's heart-stopping and fearful, exhilarating and exciting, and the dream is just on the other side.
Movie Clip:
Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, Bridge of Faith Scene
Keep Writing,
Julie
This post is so inspiring to me, Julie. I am grateful to have my full-time job as I definitely need the paycheck, but my goal is to eventually write full-time and work as a librarian part-time. I know at some point I am going to just have to "take the leap." Thanks for sharing your story, and I am looking forward to following along on your journey!
Wonderful post, Julie. And a real pleasure to meet you out here. I fell into the abyss of freelance writing purely by accident, the result of the R-word - a RIF at a major metropolitan newspaper. But my decision to stay out here in the black hole was completely inspired by my decision to write my first book - a fiction piece in progress. As a crazed movie fan who sees everything in life correlated to either a movie line or a song lyric, I appreciated your analogy of the mysterious bridge to appear out of nowhere. I did recently take one GIANT step that has allowed me to have footing of some kind (even if the bridge is one of those scary, swaying, rickety spans that probably should carry a 'condemned-do not cross' sign across it!) I asked for help from a good friend of mine who could tell that I needed someone to light a fire under my butt and help me stay accountable on a writing schedule. More importantly, I ACCEPTED that help when it was offered...not something I do easily.
See, my friend quickly figured out just what I needed - a weekly system of recording my writing session results for someone else to review. I don't want to disappoint or let someone down, so I stay productive and as I become more and more engrossed in the lives of my characters, I stay inspired. My people-pleasing personality compels me to keep her happy. (See, I'll stay on task and focused for someone else but not myself...I smell some serious therapy money for a professional somewhere out there.)
This one step has made a tremendous difference for me. In less than a few weeks, I've knocked off one chapter after another when prior to that I was just limping along. And I feel more confident to take the leap each time I go to write with this constant reminder to keep plugging along. It may sound a little goofy but if someone is struggling to get those first few words onto the page, it may be that they need some accountability tool to give them that daily or weekly kick in the pants and keep motivated.
Good luck to you with your own journey across the bridge and I'll enjoy following you every step of the way here. Take care! ~ Chris
Great to see you here, Julie -- and it's really great to hear more of your story. I too have made that great leap to writing fiction almost exclusively -- so I know the feelings you describe. Definitely exhilarating and exciting but, yes, fearful too. I'll be following your path! Here's to just believing!
Betsy-- you are my hero. What an inspiring story. I just sent my first manuscript off to a couple critique partners and am nauseated by the thought. Suddenly, all I can see in my MS are errors and juvenile writing skills. It does feel vulnerable. Congratulations on the looming publication date! Keep us posted.
Oh, I'm so glad you wrote back David. I love a story that has hope woven in. I appreciate the thoughts of realism you offer for anyone who chooses a radical path. I also appreciate, very much, hearing that you are, indeed, making strides and seeing success. We want to read that book!
Great post, Julie. I think that the whole creative process is a leap, at least for me. I wrote for decades without showing a word to anyone; I wrote because that's what I do. The first time I read a story in front of a group I thought my heart would pound its way through the cage of my ribs and land on the table. To be a creative person and to expose what you've risked parts of yourself to put down on the page is another kind of a leap. And now, publication...putting the work out for the unfamiliar world to see. With a publication date looming, I too am peering over the edge of the abyss. Glad you took the risk, Julie. Regardless of the specific outcome, I know that such bravery always reaps rewards.
hope I didn't appear to negative just meant the journey will always be full of doubts and concerns.My writing is coming along in leaps and bounds. I have finished a third draft of my first book and written many short stories which my lecturers are marking as A. So I am finding my literariness as they say, and what journey doesn't have its struggles : )
Margaret, my writing sister. I hope you continue to follow and comment on this column. It sounds like we will be a great encouragement to each other.
David, I'm so sorry the decision has not reaped what you'd hoped. I was fortunate to not be making a solo decision, or would probably be in the very same position. I'm definitely not self-supporting by anything I write. Yet. Wishing you the best-- keep us posted about your book.
October 31st was my final day at work. I too am going to devote myself to writing and rewriting. I had not earned enough leave to go to a conference where I had booked a critique on one chapter of my current work. Soooo, I quit and went to the conference. It's pretty scary because now I have to put my money where my mouth is. I would have missed some awesome experiences if I had been mature and responsible. I too stand here looking at days without knowing what the heck I'm doing. I trust that win, lose or draw this is where I need to be..right now. Let's see what happens.
I too gave up a 50k a year job plus sold a nice flat in Amsterdam for a run down smelly bedsit in a small town in Wales so I could start a degree in Writing at the age of 43. (I think its 43 but could be 44) I am still cursing myself because I considered it was meant to be and the book I was writing was destined to be a success. Well I am now in the second year of the degree and I am complaining like hell. My book is now being edited after two years of writing (self-published of course) and I still feel a fool for jumping. Saying that every time I see a big black empty hole I always swallow once then jump.
Anne, I read your comment twice and some sentences more because what you wrote-- your story-- is so poignant and encouraging. What stood out to me is 1) that it wasn't an overnight journey 2) that you were willing to listen and learn 3) you are perseverance queen! 4) that you kept at it until you found success-- affirming success and 5) that it's a continuing story. Thank you-- I hope others take the time to read your comment. I'm so glad you listened to what you loved and took the leap.
By the way, I have my MA in Higher Ed., undergrad in Business, and worked successfully for years. My favorite part? Digging into the research and writing proposals, and of all things, composing catchy emails. Aren't we funny?
Great post, Julie! And congratulations on your decision to devote yourself to writing.
My writing path (briefly): As a child, I wanted to write, and did. Then my interest turned to the piano and classical music, which I pursued avidly. In college, and with the piano no longer at the center of my heart, I majored in economics thinking that I was being practical. I got an MBA. I worked as an economics consultant, but it felt wrong. In college, when I wrote papers, I was obsessed with word choice, sentence structure, and much less with the dull things I was writing about for my major. In graduate school, the calling continued and I realized, one day on the job, after rewriting an inarticulate proposal for a client, that I wanted to tell stories. I quit, got a cheesy job as a receptionist that paid the bills, and wrote. But it was hard to work full-time and write, too. I was miserable. My husband, a struggling young lawyer working in public defense, jumped into private practice one day and I was financially free. Yay! Yet being at home all day, alone, facing that blank page was daunting. I was depressed. I had endless self-doubt. But I went on, somehow. I became pregnant with my first son. He was home with me until the age of two and a half, when I arranged day care for him. At that point I was very frustrated with my writing, and from being sick with my second pregnancy. I had six weeks to go until my daughter was born. I'd been writing in earnest for nine years at that point, with lots of nice comments from editors about the stories I sent them, but not one single acceptance. When I complained to my mother about my writing, she said, "write about your crazy family." Voila! That story was my first acceptance, and by a major literary journal. I'm on the way, I thought. Finally! It wasn't to be, though. It took another seven years for my second publication. I realized I knew how to present characters, their fears and dreams, their motivation. I could write snappy dialog. I wrote lovely images, poetic lines, all that. But I didn't know how to write a STORY. My main reader at that time, Mike Curtis at The Atlantic, who never published me but who nonetheless served informally as my mentor for about eight years wrote me a letter one day, in response to yet another submission and said "a story is where there is a clear change in the reader's understanding of the events, or in the understanding of the protagonist." The light went off. Then I published regularly, maybe once a year. I won a few contests. I published more often. I got my short story manuscript accepted by an independent press in January 2011, and the book came out in August 2011, All The Roads That Lead From Home. It won a silver IPPY - Independent Publisher Books Awards. Has it sold well? Not very. Am I famous now? No. Do I still have the same sort of dark days I used to have way back when, in the beginning? You bet! What's different? The bad mood lifts quickly because I force myself back to work. And the work is the thing that always soothes the insults of the larger world, of seeing colleagues who win prizes I competed for, whose sales on Amazon are way better than mine, who have a lot more Likes on Facebook than I do. I force myself to withdraw from that world into the calm, private one where the only relationship I value is with the page, and the only accomplishment is measured by what's there.
Wow, I guess that wasn't so brief, after all!
Thanks for reading.
Lissa—I appreciate the encouragement. We all take different paths, and this one didn't come without a few major lifestyle adjustments, but I really wanted to give this dream a go. Glad to know other there are others on a similar path.
Marie—I agree; it is very comforting to know there are others on a similar journey. I hope we learn together and can encourage each other over time. That’s one of my major goals with this column.
Julia—Thank you. I love the metaphor the movie provides—so vivid. Isn't it interesting, though, how life takes us on a path we may never have imagined for ourselves and it adds to our experience and the depth of what we can offer. I hope you get back to fiction if that’s what your heart is calling for and to your blogging. I'll be a reader!
Susie—I think you and I are in very similar places. I’m looking forward to checking out your blog. I too write freelance for a little bread and butter, but it can be like smacking my head against the proverbial wall sometimes. My forays into fiction are more recent and require a lot more girding of confidence. Yay for both of us!
Julie, this is perfect for so many of us. Thank you for writing it and for beginning this column! My "leap" was not voluntary. I lost my job and began to follow my life long writing dream in order to bring in some money. It is still just a trickle, as I freelance articles, but I am also working on a book when I can.
My first love is blogging because it is as close to writing a regular column online as I can get at this point. BUT my blog does not pay so I continue to search out places that want web articles.
I look forward to reading your column very much!
Susie
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Thanks for getting the metaphor front and center in my mind again! I wrote a blog post about "taking the leap" to write over two years ago (check it out at www.nytxfoodlady.com). I have basically let that blog site go silent because of other work distractions and basically a lack of courage and focus about my own writing career. I currently work as a cookbook editor helping others develop their ideas. Thanks for reminding me of that a leap of faith is really what it is all about. Hoping to get back on my WIP and start blogging again soon about food and memoir writing. Looking forward to following yours in the upcoming months.
Thank you for sharing your story, Julie. I too am taking little baby steps toward the writers life. Not ready to give up my part time "day job" yet, but take steps every day to get closer to the Writing Life. It is comforting to know that there are other who are taking the same steps. Best of luck to you and to us. Marie
Julie, Nicely done. Some of us take a different route. I had to wait until I retired from a series of jobs that paid the mortage, put food on the table, etc. before taking that step into the unknown. I guess I like to have it both ways, but I can understand that your way took a lot more courage than mine did. Go for it. I wish you the very best.
Glad it resonated with you. It came from the heart, reflecting on my own feelings, emotional fits and thoughts about my decision. Writing or not, life is full of unknown steps, no?
So beautifully scripted, Julie. Just love the way this is written. What helped me see the journey less frightening, is to see life as a journey with no destination...