Because the title of this series is “Networking for Introverts,” the focus is on social media. Social networking, or online networking, is a style of networking that is popular among introverts because it allows us to blog, tweet, and post status updates from the quiet of our desk chairs and sofas. We don’t need to articulately deliberate over the national deficit while sipping martinis and munching canapés in some stranger’s living room. We can sit in our flannel pajamas, unshowered and with our hair unkempt, and expound on the necessity of m dashes, the pros and cons of self-publishing, and where to buy the best gluten-free cookies. We can share our deepest, darkest secrets with our thousands of “friends” and followers without worrying that they’ll judge us and without stepping foot out of our bunny slippers.
The problem with this scenario? Allison Williams, in response to my last blog post, “Does Social Media Sell Books?," said it best: “Most of us are going at it backward—we're trying to create online connections from scratch and hope they transform into real world connections. Instead, we should be meeting as many people as possible in the real world, and offering them something of value (whether that's friendship, fellowship, or good business advice) so that they look forward to hearing from us online. Nobody wants to buy @jane.x.smith435's book they've never heard of. But when they liked Jane that time they met her at a professional gathering, and she's sent them a couple of articles they're interested in (not by her), and they clicked over twice to her blog and laughed about something she wrote, they might mention to their other friend, 'Hey, this woman I know vaguely just wrote a book that I think you'd like.'"
I couldn’t agree more. As much as I love the comfort, ease, and convenience of social media, it’s no substitute for real-life connections. Spending five minutes talking to someone at a party is worth fifty comments on someone’s blog—and it takes a lot less time. This doesn’t mean you should give up on social media. This means you should use social media, as Williams put it, as your reinforcement, not as your front-line troops. Make a connection in person, then keep in touch with that person—via Twitter, Facebook, or your mailing list—to reinforce that connection.
Here are a few tips to making in-person networking pain-free:
1. Attend events.
Events don’t have to mean huge Animal House-style bashes with 200 people and a keg. They can range from a LitQuake reading to a baseball game to a moms’ nights out. Even kids’ birthday parties are a great way to meet new people. There are always parents there you haven’t met before. Introduce yourself. Make a new friend.
2. Carry business cards.
You never know where you may strike up a conversation with a stranger—on a bus, at the supermarket, in the park while your toddler is in the sandbox. And you never know where you’ll run into a friend who will introduce you to his/her friend. Be sure to include your website and Twitter ID as well as your email address and phone number on your business card. And ask your new acquaintance for a card, too. That way you can initiate follow-up if he/she doesn’t.
3. Don’t think of networking as networking.
The term “networking” has icky connotations. It implies that you’re only interested in getting to know someone for the mutual benefits you can later attain from one another. Think of networking as socializing, as making new friends and meeting new acquaintances. Don’t worry that you can’t be best friends with everyone. There is strength in “weak ties” according to Malcolm Gladwell in The Tipping Point. “Our acquaintances—not our friends—are our greatest source of new ideas and information. The internet lets us exploit the power of these kinds of distant connections with marvelous efficiency.”
Here's a bit of networking:
Writers need every opportunity they can get. Please share this.
Enter Writer Advice’s New Contest: SCINTILLATING STARTS. Grab and hold us with your opening paragraphs. Deadline is October 15, 2012 & details are at www.writeradvice.com.
If your opening is shared on Writer Advice, you’ll be able to tell prospective agents, publishers, and book buyers that you were one of the winners of Writer Advice’s First Scintillating Starts Contest.
Hi,
It took all that I had not to laugh. People are so surprising I never would had thought that she would react in that manner. Well that's life.
Ariel - ha! Would have loved to have seen your banker's face!
Hi,
I do carry my cards with me and have given them out in a shop I frequent. I had luck there and left a few.
My banker was shocked when I told her that I was published and what type of books I write, the poor woman could barely get her mouth closed. She said that there was a teller, who reads erotic novels, so I did give them to her yesterday.
You give good advice
You're welcome, Liz!
And have fun at the Dad 2.0 Summit, Kenny! I'm hoping to go to BlogHer '13, too. It will be my first bloggers' conference!
This couldn't have come at a better time. I just (very) reluctantly booked myself into the Dad 2.0 Summit in Houston next January. Hopefully shaking hands with other writers, bloggers, and - fingers crossed - publishers, will be fruitful. This article offers the right amount of encouragement at the right time. Thanks!
Awesome advice! :D
Betsy, word of mouth is really all that matters when it comes to selling books - and the more mouths who like your book, the better - whether you meet them in person or online.
Jeane, Good advice - "networking" can be as simple as getting to know the people who work at your local bookstore, your local coffee shop, and your supermarket. Say hello to your barista. Tell him/her your name. And I agree that it's far better to blog to your audience than to blog to other writers. Think about who you want to buy your book and blog to THEM.
Petrea - Excellent points! Think of networking as giving, not receiving.
Doreen, Great idea to do a Toastmasters for artists! How does one go about starting their own Toastmasters group?
Brenda, I like that! One could argue that "It's good to listen," but I think British Telecom meant "It's good to chat with other people" not do all the talking.
Ruth, an anonymous blog may be a good way to become more comfortable putting your ideas out there. Once you get used to receiving feedback anonymously, you can always start a new blog under your real name. Writing and posting about topics that aren't personal may also help you to get started with social media without worrying that you're revealing too much about yourself. People post recipes, photos, links to articles they find interesting - all kinds of things while still guarding their privacy.
Juliet, I didn't mean to suggest that online relationships aren't worth pursuing. I have friends I met online that I later met in person and friends online that I haven't yet met in person, and I feel closer to some of them than some of my real life acquaintances. That said, it's worth making the effort to get out there and meet people in person, too. Social media should be just one tool in an introvert's toolbox, not the toolbox itself.
Thanks, Meghan. It's nice to know that someone adept at using social media does not believe it replaces real relationships and personal connections. It seems to that one can serve and fuel the other, of course, but that using social media alone has its limits. Clearly, the written word is an effective communication tool or none of us would write! But I've bought more than one book at conferences, writing events, and even casual personal gatherings because I met and "liked" (in the old fashioned way) the author or a reader who recommended a book. Word of mouth still matters.
I don't feel online blogging, etc. to other writers is beneficial because we're all in the same boat...trying to sell our books. There's a small inependant bookstore not far from where I live. The owner offers 'Coffee With the Authors once a month, or Lunch With the Authors once a month, in a nearbye restaurant. A mixed group attends, writers and book lovers. It's a great may to mingle with both, and if you're lucky someone might ask if you have a business card they could have. Senior centers are another way to sell books. Teach a lesson, or two, bring your books along and if they like you, they might buy your book. lol The good thing about both these suggestions, if you're shy like me, you can be in and out of these situations in a short period and in the meantime, relax and enjoy.
If you think of networking as giving, it takes the "selling" pressure off. When you look at a networking situation as an opportunity to help others, rather than an opportunity for others to help you, it gives networking a grander purpose and gives those relationships a more lasting place in your life. Maybe two people you know should know each other. Maybe someone you know has a job that another friend can fill. Maybe your acquaintance is a better writer for that piece than you are. You can connect people and opportunities. That's networking.
Networking is so important for writers and especially hard for introverted writers.
We've started up a Toastmasters club in our region called "Toastmasters in the Arts" where writers, artists, musicians and other creatives can gather in a safe and fun environment to learn how to better present themselves and their work to the public. I strongly suggest writers in other regions search out a Toastmasters club where they can learn how to network with ease.
Years ago I was living in London. British Tele com had a marketing campaign going--Bob Hoskins was their spokesperson-- the theme, "It's Good to Talk". Funny how that one stuck with me. Recently, I've made it a point to connect verbally with some of the amazing virtual connections I've been fortunate to have met, because, it's good to talk. Well said.
Meghan,
What advice do you have for those of us who are introverted enough to feel overwhelmed by the whole social media scene? I have no desire to have a Facebook page or a Twitter account, but like many introverts, I also have a low tolerance for large groups.
Ruth
Well said, since introverts may gravitate to the online world, but miss out on the need for professional interaction in person as well. Social media seems to be an unreal world, and the best relationships are "real" for all of us, introverted and extroverted writers.
I totally agree with you in general, but sometimes online connections can lead to good quality real life connections and even booksales. I have several real life friends now who I first connected with via online social media. I got involved in a collaborative project with a musician through the fact that we knew each other online. At least two people bought my poetry book soon after they started following me on Twitter without any other connection with me at all.
Good reminder that networking is not necessarily icky, but as natural as being friendly!
Thanks, Meghan! Some good ideas to keep me relying on my fb friends to launch my new blog. Going to get out their for more face time! Vikki Claflin www.laugh-lines.net