Greetings SheWriters.
As we look back through our writing lives, what kind of person do we see? Is she confidant, plunging through crowds with her head held high, pen raised, agents begging at her heals? Does she sit for 6 hours a day, fingers moving fluidly and in an organized fashion, hair perfectly coifed, rose petal smell emanating from her office? (Of course she has a room of her own, right?!!)
Or is she engaged in fits of passion, clouds of self-doubt, all mixed with a slight tinge of doom, while she catches the last twenty minutes of energy to flesh out the way a character would do dishes?
I asked a writer friend of mine, who may not be published now, but who writes in these fits of passion, to send me a list. The following is her top ten (with two extra) fears as she sits down to face the dreaded blank screen. What I love most about reading other's fears is that I feel instantly connected with that writer because I've felt all of them, sometimes all in one day. Francine Prose, in an article in Writer Magazine, admitted "I know writers who have outlines and a sense of where they're going. They think about things and have ideas. I just don't happen to be one of them."
I invite you to reply with your fears. Here is Kelli Shewmaker's list.
1. someone has already done it, and not only that but they did it better.
2. i'll start to write it, and it will only be 3 pages long.
3. it won't be as good on paper as it is in my head.
4. my ideas in my head will alienate me from my loved ones once they're words out of my mouth.
5. by the time i get around to writing the story, i'll be halfway into it then i won't care about it anymore.
6. i have a good idea for a story but i'll ruin it by writing it before i'm a good enough writer to do it justice.
7. i will starve to death and be evicted in the process.
8. the file won't save.
9. i'll lose the piece of paper, or similarly, get robbed.
10. i'll post something online and unknowingly disqualify myself for my one golden opportunity to get published because there's a requirement that you must be unpublished.
Bonus fears:
11. i won't write enough description, and people will say it's a good start but unfinished.
12. i will write too much description, leaving nothing for the reader to imagine.
Kelli also communicated to me that she could match each fear with a story. Now that's a writer! Thank you, Kelli, for this wonderfully honest foray into a writer's psyche.
Kelli Shewmaker lives in DC, where she struggles with being asked what she does on a regular basis at happy hours and networking events. When asked to describe her writing, she says, "I write little things. I don't know what they are." You can read some of her "little things" at http://kelshew.posterous.com/. Her membership to She Writes is pending, otherwise she would've commented and thanked you all for your comments.
Terrific. I think that writers who have been published have fears too -- at least I do!! See more on the she write blog post I think, I hope, maybe it won't work, I'm sure someone could write it better... but I'll try to write!! Truly, the author of LIE
i read this list last night at a poetry reading & someone suggested i create a sonnet out of it. i thought that was a brilliant idea! i wanted to share the idea in case anyone else wants to do it, or something similar.
1. someone has already done it, and not only that but they did it better.
GAWD yes, this is me...seems to be the one thing I always start from. Its why I sometimes have a hard time reading in the genre Im interested in writing because my admiration for their work will make me second guess my own ability.
2. i'll start to write it, and it will only be 3 pages long.
Sometimes I have this problem, sometimes I don't.
3. it won't be as good on paper as it is in my head.
Actually, once I get over the fear of #1 I take a great deal of pleasure that what comes out on my word doc is a lot better than I had anticipated. What frustrates me is when my family interrupts me and I can't pick up the same thread of thought.
4. my ideas in my head will alienate me from my loved ones once they're words out of my mouth.
Im at that point where I dont care what my family thinks of me. They think I'm bizarre and strange anyway. Why let them down?
5. by the time i get around to writing the story, i'll be halfway into it then i won't care about it anymore.
Am experiencing that right now.
6. i have a good idea for a story but i'll ruin it by writing it before i'm a good enough writer to do it justice.
No, havent had this issue.
7. i will starve to death and be evicted in the process.
LOL!
8. the file won't save.
Fixed that by getting the right computer
9. i'll lose the piece of paper, or similarly, get robbed.
Sometimes Im worried about this.
10. i'll post something online and unknowingly disqualify myself for my one golden opportunity to get published because there's a requirement that you must be unpublished.
Those lines are getting a little blurry arent they?
Bonus fears:
11. i won't write enough description, and people will say it's a good start but unfinished.
Yep...have had that said of my writing.
12. i will write too much description, leaving nothing for the reader to imagine.
Yep, have had that said of my writing.
Number 1 is me all the way, and I also struggle with, "I don't have anything to say...and what I do have to say is boring...and who would want to read it anyway?"
It's a wonder any of us do ANY writing at all!
Staring at a blank page and not knowing where to begin, or if you'll convey what you're thinking right.
The dear girl is too hard on herself. Write with joy, Kelli.
Maybe fear is such a constant companion because writers are inward thinkers and are so adept at creating scenarios, some of them, not so pleasant. Case in point: Numbers 8 and 9 are similar to mine. I have my work saved on two exterior drives but...they're both in my house and what if it catches on fire? Great post. Thanks for sharing.
1 and 6 are a constant undercurrent for me. Grrr. But everyone had to start somewhere, right? So bring on the learning curve!
We are all an insecure bunch, aren't we? Thanks for this post, I'm feeling better already knowing it's not only me that feels this way!
thanks everyone for commenting! and thanks elisabeth for asking me to share my fears! my membership here has finally been approved & i'm looking forward to being a part of this community.
Thanks - all for your wonderful and insightful replies and I love the kiss!
Wow! This is wonderful! #1, #3 and # 10 are so me. Especially one. I'm pretty confident about my writing but am terrified someone else will have done my idea better and I just don't know it!
Yay Elizabeth! I'm loving your posts. this one really really hit home!
LOL, I've experienced some of those fears, but the writing is now more important. I'm writing a memoir, so fear number four is prime - for I am sharing my history of abuse. Some of my family is still alive, so I have to figure out how to present it in a way that won't hurt them. And I have children who don't know all of my history. At this stage, I'm just getting the story down, and I've learned much in the process. The last pages of my story are better than the first, so I'm editing the first.
Regarding alienating family, my sister-in-law asked to see what I wrote. She and my brother read it. She told me she doesn't want to read further because she wants to still retain some affection for my deceased mother. My brother's comment was, "Now I know why she wants to be called Heather instead of Shirley."
They had no idea of the intensity of the abuse I received at my parents' hands, for all they had were the facts in my mom's notebooks, and after I realized she wasn't going to do anything with the reports she made me tell her of what he incestuously did in my room, I stopped embarrassing myself by giving some of the specifics. What she wrote down was condemning enough, but there was a lot of unspoken abuse. The title of my story is Tell Me What He Did - the question my mom asked each and every time he came into my room at night.
Thanks for this post. Writing is a wonderful adventure and I'm learning bit by bit to incorporate senses, dialogue, scene, emotions, and other elements to make my story more alive.
So my fears have company. Good to know. Elisabeth, I could kiss you for this list. I think I will anyway (mwwahhh).
I am going to print this and keep a copy posted in my special writing place.
I had a friend who gave up on writing because of these fears. I think you really have to try hard to turn them inside-out and concentrate on the idea or mood you are trying to convey. Forget fear, forget worry, there's time for that after the real work is done.
Thanks for sharing!
My big fear is related to time. I'm afraid I'll run out of time and my brain will go soft before I can write that really good novel that everyone will want to read.
My #1 fear. No one will buy my book!
Here's one: the fact that I'll write it for ... nothing. Oh, I know, writers write for the sheer enjoyment of it all. The cathartic release. The cerebral tickle. Hogwash. I write, in part, because I believe I might have something to say to the greater conversation. The fact that editors might not agree makes me (sometimes) wish I were a barista at Starbucks instead of a writer.
I would add: I'll never write anything as good as *insert the most recent thing I've read here*...
A hex on 1-6 and curses to the bonus fears! My personal demons. Every time I throw up my hands and think to myself "this sucks" I will reread the list and know I'm not alone.