“Do you call yourself a writer?” asked the discussion prompt on the SheWrites.com’s Mother Writer group. The question was posed by a mom who does not call herself a writer, even though she writes regularly and has had a few short stories published. The discussion responses reveal that many writing mothers are searching inwardly for the courage to call themselves writers. They struggle with their professional identity and question their credentials, even when they have already had stories, articles, or even books published! This lack of work-related self-confidence is not uncommon in women, who traditionally shy away from the limelight and tend to discount their skills, competence, and accomplishments.

Writing is a form of self-expression and communication, for the good of all who share the human experience. We all need to know that our experience is shared by others, and that is why we read, talk to one another, watch movies, text, tweet, use social networks, and read each other’s blogs.

The need to communicate can be particularly acute with stay-at-home mothers, who find that their choice to devote the majority of their time to nurturing and caring for their children isolates them from a social network that they enjoyed previously. I have been a mother for over fifteen years, during which I have: been a full-time mom; worked part time; worked full time; free-lanced and held salaried positions as a graphic designer, writer, trainer, and teacher. The need to get out and talk with other adults, to express my own creativity, to communicate, and to feel productive has pushed me to work outside the home, even more than has the obvious need to contribute to the family’s finances.  

As my three young children grew bigger and more able to care for themselves, I sought more full-time work as a high school English and foreign language teacher. The work was gratifying, if exhausting. I enjoyed fostering the talents of young writers and speakers, whom I encouraged to see and feel what they were writing, and to express their ideas in many media, from writing to costume and stage design to video production and public performance. I was at the forefront of innovative teaching. My principal wrote glowing evaluations of my work. My students loved my classes. Then, at the end of one school year, I suddenly found myself out of a job, due to budget shortfalls and declining school enrollment.

It is a real blow to be out of work. I got on unemployment, and then sat around for six months, half-heartedly applying for teaching jobs and feeling sorry for myself. It is incredibly demoralizing to go from the height of a great career to nonexistence. Being a mother whose income is depended upon, and losing your job is even more demoralizing, not to mention scary. I am fortunate to be married to a wonderful man who is taking up the slack while I seek ways to find gainful work; other working moms are not so lucky. Unemployed moms work triple-time, as they try hard to repair the damage to both their bottom line and their morale, while also caring for their families. They are to be lauded and applauded.

If you are a working mom who has lost your job, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be kind and understanding with yourself. Don’t give in to self-pity and pessimism. Hold your head up and remind yourself of all the skills and expertise you have (and what an important person you are in your children’s lives). Be ready to tell the world what you can do, and be proud of your accomplishments. In fact, you should devote a half-hour a day to writing down your accomplishments in a journal or notebook, collecting recommendations from people you have worked with in the past, and assembling nice cards and notes people have sent you complimenting you on your work, your skills, your kindness, etc. I keep a “Kudos” file in my filing cabinet of all the nice acknowledgements people have sent me over the years. I look at it when I need a boost, and I always end up thinking, “Wow, I really am good!” It’s important to keep a physical file of these things, because when you’re feeling down, you often lose perspective, and it really helps to have some physical proof of your creativity, generosity, greatness, intelligence, kindness, compassion, quick-wittedness, and other endearing qualities to get you back on track.

This is the time to start networking, which I have done. I have joined several social networking sites as well as job clubs and writing clubs. I started a success team (a support group of friends that meets weekly to share goals and successes and to hold each other accountable for weekly progress). I am a member of several career networking clubs, where I can let others know who I am and what skills I have, while also hearing guest speakers and attending workshops on subjects such as skills assessment, resume writing, interviewing, and job networking. I also volunteer at a job club, where I teach workshops on job-seeking skills to unemployed professionals. I know my process will help lead me to employment, and I feel good knowing that I’m helping others. I believe in karma; what I “pay forward” now will come back to me later.

Fortunately, the Internet has a great wealth of resources. A great one for writers is SheWrites.com. I am inspired by other writers and their blogs, as well as by their supportive, helpful approach to other writers. Practical job-seeking help can be found in Meet-Up groups (Do a Google search: type in your city & state and “meet-up groups”, then search for career groups), through your local religious group or Jewish Vocational Services, and through the Employment Development Department website for your state. Also, make sure to let everyone you know what you do well (even if you’ve never done it for pay), and that you are looking for a job. It’s amazing what will come back if you put your needs and your competence out there. I have made many new friends, found out a lot about different types of careers in this changing market, and been offered various jobs. Always, there is a positive people-connection involved.

One very useful thing I have learned through all of this is the importance of being optimistic. This includes believing in yourself and your abilities, surrounding yourself with positive people who encourage and support you, and making a little progress every day toward your goals. Most of all, it is important not to isolate yourself; seek out people with common hobbies and career interests. Always ask questions and communicate your skills and desire for a job. Connecting with people will make you and your talents known. You’ll be surprised at where your next job may come from.