Thanks so much for sharing this extract - I found the first three paragraphs compelling. The lyrics raise more questions than they answer for me. What about little boys who grow up to be their own women, for example? I thought perhaps that was where you were going, a sudden realisation that the anthem of freedom you had chosen itself contained deeply embedded gender stereotypes! It's where I went, in any case, and it was a very interesting place indeed. Thanks.

I find endings so challenging! Occassionally they just come...but most of the time it's try, try again. I agree with the comments about trying 10 endings and journaling, of course, to find your meaning. I also think it's hard to judge your ending without reading it in the context of the whole piece.

Hi Deborah. I am somewhat new to all this but maybe my novice voice will help. I don't know you or the readers you intend to reach, but I do think it is a bit pat and forced. As a psychologist I would tell you to follow your instincts. As a teacher, I find myself looking for an ending with something to think about. Maybe as Judith says below, look for your main thread or threads, and bring them together with a muse about what might they look like, who might they be in the future. Let the reader join you on that journey and look forward to that next installment.

Lisa, Susan, Judith, Tania, Glen, Patricia, Julie, thank you so much for these honest and very helpful thoughts and riffs. This experience of virtual writing group -- and your thoughtful and instantaneous feedback -- really is quite an experience! I am taking all to heart.

I love reading the suggestions and comments as I learn so much! But to address your concern that the ending is too 'pat,' I think it is also important to remember (and allow) our writing to reflect the conclusion (the aha moment) we had in the moment of experience and writing. Since you already had that experience (first in the actual, moment, and over and over again in the writing of it), it may not seem fresh to you. But for your reader, it is the first experience and works. I like how the ending takes the form or a prayer or a wish, which leaves it open-ended and invites readers to contemplate how they bind or are bound by gender stereotypes.

@ Deborah, when writing short, I have found that creating a tiny scene -- one moment -- that leads to an aha! helps pare away my sweeping summaries and generalities. And it makes me decide what I'm really trying to say. My point.

On the other hand, why not gush out all your observations in their precious detail into a journal and worry about crafting the perfect little essays later? Enjoy those kiddos!

Deborah,
I'm with Patricia, 9/9 is a wondrous moment in time, having your twin babies in your life for 18 months.
I also agree with Glen, there's nothing pat about ending with words and a ritual chosen by you and Marco, for the welcoming of those two precious babes into your lives and community.

Of course there's usually much more to say about any given subject than word count allows for. Journalists learn to get to the point and cut whatever is not. An essay of course is different from an article, but if you work within the restrictions of theme and word count, you've got to focus on what calls to you the loudest. Remember, there will be other opportunities, the anthology is only the 'amuse gulle' whetting the reader's appetite for more.
Take a look at all the threads in your essay, all the instances that you will be bound to continue following. Decide which one is (or three are) the most important threads for the anthology, then follow that one (or braid the three) to the end.
Or take a look at the ending posted above and follow the thread back to the beginning.
Going backwards look left and right for sidetracks.
Either discard the ones that could become essays in their own right (filing for future reference) or neatly tie an end to each, leaving the reader with a hint of more to come, at an other place, an other time.
The nature of the subject is such that continuation is expected, your reader knows that.
This is only the beginning ;-)

Deborah,

I'm drawn to the specific examples you give of both the behaviours that confirm the conventional gender expectations (dainty splashing, forceful kicking) as well as the two that deny those gender assumptions (girl thrill seeking, boy meditative, receptive). I think what you have here works; I do also want to validate your sense it might be too neatly wrapped up. I wonder if you could use this as a leaping point, say, write more about the ways the speaker and the father found themselves denying or confirming gender expecatations. I'm always drawn to the specific vignette--but let's say you are indeed wanting to wrap it up for now here. In that case, maybe ending on the anthem, with a specific image from the speaker and father?

Or sometimes questions work at the end, where you turn and ask the unexpected, or try to lead us into some aspect you might still consider? So it is not tied neatly up?

That's the best part about being in process, isn't it. Writing ten endings, and then choosing the best. Trying on different ending "hats" such as: Neatly tied up. Wildy questioning. Left turn. Voice of one's mother...Mid sentence dot dot dot...etc.

Ok Deborah, enjoy the rest of the day and the rest of the essay. Let me know what that ending ends up looking like.

Deborah--Thanks for sharing your dilemma plus an excerpt. I do not know how many words you have written thus far, but it seems to me that you have reached a perfect end-point for this first essay--9 months in and 9 months out! My daughter and son are in their early 20s now, but I recall those marvellous first months. I know that each day was a gift!

Deborah:
Perhaps if you thought of your essay topic as only one of the many ephemeral stages of childhood and parenting as opposed to events with finite endpoints...that way you're taking the reader along with you for a small part your journey. BTW, I like what you've written. Rather than pat, it is familiar, relatable, and simply human.
-Glen

Deborah,
This is beautiful. I wonder, do you ever catch yourself ever wanting to push Teo to be just a little more of the thrill seeker, or wish Anya to be the more sedate cuddly one. Not that you want to push them into gender roles but just based upon your own upbringing. I still wonder about what I did or did not do consciously, subconsciously with my boy and girl (two years apart) so that it still remained that my girl is the non-thrill seeker, in fact will try little that involves risk, while my son would if he could, try to fly, without the airplane. I sense that it is not "pat" but that it is impossible to find an end, since your babies likely change almost daily.

Ugh - reading this excerpt now "in print", it seems so hopelessly pat, so forced. Help?! -DS