She Writes on Fridays: 6 Things I Learned from NOT Writing My Next Book
Contributor
Deborah Siegel says goodbye to the book that will not be. Last month, I decided to walk away from my next book. I am giving back the advance. I realize that saying this here on She Writes, a virtual room of 8,000 writers, many of whom dream of publishing a first book, may sound callous. Or cavalier. That's not my intention. Instead, I’m telling you this because I want to share what I’ve learned: Sometimes, you must say no in order to say yes. The reasons I walked were complex: The downturn, and my sudden need to become my family’s primary breadwinner. A difficult pregnancy, during which I was unable to travel to do the reporting I'd proposed. The length of time between finishing the proposal (February 2009) and being able to leave my baby twins long enough to travel and conduct interviews (March 2010). Ultimately, the timing of my life just didn’t sync up with this book, and by the time I was ready to dive in again, my passion for the topic had waned. I'll be forever grateful to the house and to my editor for having had faith in the proposal—and in me. It was not without angst that I let them down. I thank my writing group from the time, Matilda, for their stalwart encouragement and savvy edits. And my husband Marco, who supplied material for the book and artwork for this post. Hey wait--this is starting to sound like more an acknowledgments page than a eulogy. I'm supposed to be moving on. And I am. I am not one for regret. I’ve learned from this experience, and it is my nature—and She Writes’ mission—to share. So here we go. Six things I’ve learned from NOT writing my next book: 1. DON’T plan to do the bulk of your reporting while pregnant. You just never know. ‘Nuf said. 2. DO publish shorter pieces on your topic along the way—blog posts, magazine articles, whatever you can do that, preferably, of course, pays. This way, if you end up needing to walk from the larger project, your thinking will have gotten out there and all your hard work on the proposal won’t be for naught. (If interested, here are links to some of the pieces on my topic that I wrote along the way: Slate’s The Big Money, Recessionwire) 3. DO tell your editor as soon as you know if, for good reason, you’re not going to be able to deliver. Many writers drag it out, hiding from their agents and editors. Many just slink away, without offering to give back the advance. My agent and my editor both thanked me for my integrity. My editor asked to see my next project when I was ready. She was disappointed of course, but she entirely understood. My agent still takes my calls. He even just took me out to fancy lunch. 4. DO let yourself mourn the loss of the project. When you’re ready, as career coach/writer/SW member Shari Cohen says, “clear the shelves.” I have yet to pack up the small library I had amassed on my topic, but when I do, I know it will be a kind of ritual goodbye. (In Shari's words: "These earlier parts of myself were precious; they spoke about an earlier passion, like photos of an old lover.") 5. DO share your experience. Ok, maybe you don’t want to blog about it. But promise me you won’t skulk around for too long feeling the shame. Just the other day, I learned from an author I greatly admire that she, too, had recently given back an advance for good cause. Know that you’re likely not alone. 6. Lastly, DO forgive yourself. Know that you will write another book. Or maybe even this book. But if so, it will be at the right time. Saying no to my next book, though a heart-wrenching decision, has allowed me to say yes to something else: developing She Writes. While I miss being involved in a book project right now, I know I will be again. And when I am, maybe it will be through a different kind of publishing platform—one where the length of time from pitch to publication is shortened, one where the audience is built while the book is underway, one that blows conventional publishing out of the water. We have a lot in store for you—and for ourselves—here at She Writes. So whenever I feel sadness about the fact that I put this particular book project back on the shelves, I remind myself this: She Writes is larger than any one book. Coda: I’m still working on number 4 (mourn) above. So tell me She Writers, since it’s Friday and on Friday we write: What have you said “no” to that's enabled you to say “yes”? If inspired, write a post about it, ping me through the site, and I’ll feature a handful as “Editors’ Picks.”

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Comments
  • Rita Arens

    Holy wow. Thank you so much for sharing this!

  • Barri Clark

    Thank you for your thoughts. I recently walked away from completing my Masters in Creative Writing. The
    writing itself is stacked a foot high next to me and the proposal was "that close." But the energy was gone.
    I started writing a funny detective story instead. It makes me laugh. The Thesis made me cry. Thanks especially for your numbers five and six. Life and writing go on.

  • JoAnne Braley

    I'm newbie. You say publish pieces on your topic along the way. Can you still use those pieces in the book?
    Also, can you sell short stories, and they get them published in a book later? Don't the people have claim on that? So, I suppose if you blog part of the story, or put it in She Writes, you can still gather all the pieces together and have a book? I've never had focus long enough to think about a book, but I would like to write short stories, as I've written my observations for a writing class and they like them. I have no idea where to start about publishing, but see offers of classes on such you pay for online. Thanks, and good wishes for you to get started again. What you are going though is mind-blowing...been there, and would never think of writing a book during babyhood living!

  • Michele Wucker

    Bravo -this was moving and thoughtful.

  • Amanda Johnson Moon

    Thumbs up!!!

  • B. Lynn Goodwin

    I love the angle and the honesty. Thank you so much for sharing this.

    Lynn
    www.writeradvice.com
    Author of You Want Me to Do WHAT? Journaling for Caregivers

  • Hollye Dexter

    I said no to an amazing job opportunity that many of my friends would have given their eye teeth for - in order to keep working on my book. I really struggled with it because I needed the money, and in this economy, to have a golden opportunity like that fall into my lap was unbelievable. But I passed. And then I stressed about it. Days later, I received an email from a literary agent who was interested in my book!

  • Deborah Siegel Writing

    I love hearing your say-yes-to-no or rather say-no-to-say-yes stories Hope and Nona and Rachel and Gena! I am in ridiculously good company here, for SURE.

  • This is a great post! I once turned down an extremely well-paid one-year internship that would have put me straight on the path to some mainstream magazine job. I felt like an ass about it for a little while, until I got to have an amazing, eye-opening time in Brazil, then went on the Girldrive road trip across the country and published a book out of it! Now that magazine which offered me the internship is laying off people left and right. Meanwhile, I've had the time and freedom to really formulate my ideas and figure out what's important to me--jobs-wise, politics-wise, and media-wise.

  • Hope Edelman

    Kudos to you, Deborah, for knowing what's best for you and your family and having the courage to act on it. In 1996 I sold a proposal for a book about the cultural phenomenon of postponing marriage, and how it had actually made a lot of women I knew unhappy (hardly news now, but not as widely written about back then). I was offered big bucks, everyone was thrilled...and then I decided to back out. Then everyone was just angry--though not my agent. She was great about it. I explained to her that if I wrote the book there was a good chance I'd wind up marrying my then boyfriend, in the way that life can imitate art, and I knew that would be the wrong choice. Yet I knew that to write the book and continue dating someone I knew I wouldn't marry wasn't going to lead to good things, either. The relationship was complicated and was still playing itself out, and I knew the book would complicate it even more. So I chose to figure out my life first. I didn't marry the guy (who was a great guy, by the way), and I went on to write other books. Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, careerwise, if I'd stuck with that contract, but the rest of the time I'm relieved I didn't do it. Sometimes--well, most of the time--we have to put sanity and clarity and gut knowledge first. Decisions like the one you made will allow for other doors to open, no doubt about that. In the meantime, I'm so glad that you're able to put your talent and your passion into SheWrites. We so value the work that you do!

  • Talia Carner

    I applaud you your courage to walk away from whatever doesn't work for you. Giving up a project that has become so much of a burden rather than pleasure will unclog your path for fresher ideas for which you will find both the passion and the time.

  • Karen Maezen Miller

    Deborah,
    Your piece is a compelling testament to true success, which rarely matches our expectations. I linked to this post as part of my musing on what we as authors give and what we get:
    http://www.karenmaezenmiller.com/they-dont-pay-us-to-write-books

  • Gena Hymowech

    Excellent post. I had to give up on writing a novel a few years ago, because I realized it wasn't the right subject matter for me to be tackling. It wasn't a novel for a publisher, just something I was doing for myself, in the hopes of getting published. And for a long time, I was in mourning, so much so that I couldn't even begin a new novel idea. But I'm starting something new, which is much closer to home, so I feel it was the right decision in the long run. I think if you are a writer, and bustling with ideas/enthusiasm, there is always a topic you think you should be writing about but don't have the time/interest/what-have-you to do.

  • Laurie Kahn

    thanks for sharing. When writing gets privileged over living life well and attending to those we love it is time to re group. I Hope we can continue to remind each other about this life lesson.
    Thanks again
    Laurie

  • Deborah, thank you so much for this post. I did one of your don'ts and, well, it's not fun. It's hell, actually. So thank you for sharing your story. I very rarely say no, to my extreme detriment, but recently someone asked me to curate a reading for them. Since I already curate a reading series that loses me money (but is worth it for other reasons), I declined. It's very hard, even in a clearly non-win situation, to say no, but I think you are so right that sometimes there are bigger things in store for us.

  • Deborah Siegel Writing

    Thank you Lea Christina Renate Ryshia and Doreen -- I cannot tell you how helpful it is to hear these words. And to know I have done the right thing!

  • Doreen McGettigan

    Wow! I said no to my book for 5 years. it was just too sad to write. When I finally did finish the writing and was offered a contract I was thrilled. But something did not feel right and I said no. I wrote and rewrote; started another book and then another. Now the time is right for 'Bristol Stomp'. There is a season and a reason for everything and for you it must be Mommy season and I am thrilled that you have developed She Writes! Just pack that book away and when the time is write you will complete it or move onto something better..

  • Ryshia Kennie

    Saying no definitely isn't easy. And I commend the courage and intelligence it took to recognize the position you were in and the impossibility of it all. Sometimes I think ego gets in our way and forces us to forge forward and in the end provide less than our potential.

  • Renate Stendhal

    I feel for you, Deborah. It's a very hard good-bye to a cherished project, dream, and spiritual "baby." And yet, it is also such a liberation when the sacrifice is made and reality embraced! I know writers who have given back huge advances and walked away so relieved because the timing, the energy, just wasn't right... and room opened for what was truly needed. I wish you a big breath of peace -- and new inspiration and empowerment!

  • Christina Brandon

    Yes, excellent post! Thanks for sharing!

  • Deborah Siegel Writing

    Oh Jacquette, your words go a long way. Thank you! Your comment just made my day.

  • Deborah, thank you for sharing your story - and the story behind the story! I truly appreciate your candor and transparency. A bigger door has already been opened for you...it was just waiting for you to step in. At the moment, it may feel as if you said, "no and yes." But you really said, "yes and yes!" Congratulations, my friend.