Days remaining to publication date – 22.
The Happiness Project is an account of the year I spent testing the wisdom of the ages, the current scientific studies, and the lessons from popular culture about how to be happier. This is my fourth book (or my fifth book, if you include a book I did in collaboration with an artist).
My anxiety level is starting to rise as my pub dates nears. I’m super-sensitive to any kind of criticism (I know, I know, who isn’t?), and as I imagine responses to my book, I’m dreading any harsh words. Of course, being ignored would be even worse…right? Friends who have published books in the last few years have told me that the internet is a mixed blessing in this area. On the one hand, it’s thrilling to see readers engage with your work. On the other hand, not all of them have nice things to say, and that can be very upsetting. We all know how snarky anonymous commenters can be!
I’ve learned something important from my happiness project, however. Even if you can’t change a situation, you can take steps to change your reaction to a situation. To help deal with my dread of criticism, I decided to answer my (as yet imaginary) critics myself.
I wrote An Interview with a Hostile Reader, in which I play both the part of the hostile reader or book reviewer who is criticizing my book, and the part of myself, answering those criticisms. This exercise was HUGELY fun for me. I loved coming up with all the obvious hostile comments, and it was a relief to address them in my own forum. For example, I’m sure people will criticize or mock my book as being yet another example of a “year of” book or for being another book about a writer-experimenting-on-self-and-writing-a-book-about-it. The thing is, it’s not as if those objections didn’t occur to me as I was drafting my proposal! But for writerly reasons, I decided to proceed nevertheless. In my pretend interview, it was a relief to discuss calmly why I chose that structure – even though I realized quite well that it might strike some people as a cliché. Another comforting thing about the Interview with a Hostile Reader, too, is that if someone raises one of the criticisms that I anticipate, I imagine the fun of being able to say, “Oh, well, see Answer #3 on that topic.” It will help me laugh at criticism instead of being devastated by it. Or, at least I hope it will. How about you? How do you deal with criticism – or even the fear of criticism?
* For book tour stops, click here. It would be great to meet lots of SheWrites members along the way! To pre-order, click here. To visit The Happiness Project blog, click here.
I am also on the countdown. My first book a teen novel called Runaway Storm, geared towards boys is officially out Jan 1st but I just found out Amazon is already shipping it, which sort of threw me for a loop. I have run the gamut of emotions for elation to dread about all that will happen once my book is out there. What do you think is worse, the fear that nobody will read our books or the fear that they will tear them apart?
best of luck,
Dawne
I hope it's OK to add to this discussion: hostile comments when the book is still in progress can also be very upsetting. I have had several experiences in my writer's groups where one person jabs meanly at the main character, after telling me how much they like my work! It just happened again a few days ago and it's very hard to know how to respond. This writing group member, a woman, called my main character, a 19-year-old-girl, a whore. Said in a joky fashion, but still. Even if I let it go, I won't ever be able to forget it. So, sexual "shaming" is still alive and well.
Hope, your 6 suggestions for dealing with criticism are so helpful -- especially 4 and 5. Rather than get into a spat with one individual, use it as a chance to take the discussion in a bigger direction. You can't win an argument with someone determined to criticize your book, but you can engage readers in an issue that may be interesting to many of them. Great advice!
Hi Gretchen,
Thank you for your insights on ways to handle criticism. I just finished turning in my final draft of my first book, "Now I See the Moon: a mother, a son, a miracle" (HarperStudios Spring 2010). I am elated, relieved and also highly sensitive! Thanks for helping me see that this is natural - and that as the Pub date grows closer, the sensitivities will naturally grow larger. Ahhh!
My book, a memoir, chronicles adopting a child from Russia, his diagnosis with autism and then my creating a theater arts program for children with autism called The Miracle Project - later profiled in the HBO documentary, Autism:The Musical.
I am really excited to read "The Happiness Project" - for many reasons. I've been a "happiness junkie" my whole life - seeking scriptures, programs, etc. I actually have a chapter of my book devoted to developing my happiness "muscle!" I can't wait to read your book and pass on your wisdom to my friends. I'm prone to buying books that I love and giving them to everyone I know.
Thanks again.
Many blessings,
Elaine
Elaine Hall
www.themiracleproject.com
Congratulations!
Hi Gretchen...
I, for one, cannot WAIT for your book to come out. I've read some of your posts on Slate and it's like a candy bowl -- I'm slightly obsessed and can't stop. Right now, I'm reading the interview with the "Happiest Man in the World" and you two have me questioning why anyone (including myself) is in therapy, where all one does is obsess on the past and their fears of the future!
In fact, I program the MSN homepage and am trying to figure out how to get your stuff featured. I'd like Slate to pull your pieces together in a hub. We'll see how it pans out.
--Julyne Derrick
Oh, hon, I could write the book on hostile readers this fall. Fortunately they're only about 15 percent of my online reviews--almost always anonymous, of course--and the rest have been wonderful. But yes, the criticism stings, especially when it crosses the line into personal attacks, which can happen pretty easily with memoir. I've been called (as an author, not as a narrative character) overanxious, over-reactive, a terrible parent, a total nutcase, etc. etc. I don't feel that I'm any of those things today so I don't take on the accusations, but I do sometimes slide into "I'm a terrible writer" if I wasn't able to convey myself as a more likable character to everyone. Which IS overreacting, I know, since there's virtually no way to write a book or create a character that everyone will like.
Here's a fast list of what I"ve learned from the anonymous critics:
1. Even though everyone will tell you to avoid reading their feedback, and that it's of no value to the author, I suggest you do read them if you can stomach it. Then you'll know what's out there and you have time to prepare a calm and balanced response in advance. It'll keep you from responding out of emotion if you're ever put on the spot in public. The exercise you did for the Hostile Reader is an excellent, excellent idea and functions along these lines. But that brings me to #2:
2. It's almost impossible to predict what those readers will object to. I was fully prepared to take flak for my spiritual beliefs, but instead I've come under fire for my parenting choices. I didn't expect that at all, but given the vehemence of the Mommy Wars--which aren't dead, no matter how many people try to convince us they are--I guess I should have anticipated it. Also and curiously, my book is the story of how an overanxious mother goes on a journey and becomes less anxious, and I've been criticized for...being an overanxious mother. The critics won't always be rational. Don't even expect them to be.
3. Emphasize the positive voices. There are always more of these than the negative. Many readers are going to be grateful to you for this book, and even though sometimes it's hard to kick the minority of hostile voices out of your head and replace them with the big chorus of positive ones...make sure you try to do this every day. It helps. Really, it does!
4. If you feel compelled to respond to an online review--if, for example, someone criticizes your book and the review is full of inaccuracies that you want to correct--address your response to readers at large instead of to the initial poster. My observation is that these anonymous critics are just waiting to seize upon any response to their words, and the people you really want to reach are the ones reading the hostile post, anyway. Also, a calm, measured response humanizes the author, helps her connect with readers on a non-emotional level, and just makes the hostile poster look silly.
5. Whenever possible, try to elevate the conversation above the attack-defense sequence. When I've been criticized as a parent on my blog tour--a situation in which I'm expected to respond to comments--I try to address the phenomenon of mothers criticizing mothers, and question why some of us feel entitled to condemn the way another mother raises her child. This is an attempt to start a larger dialogue. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
6. Remember compassion. Who knows who these poor people sitting alone in front of their computers are, succumbing to the impulse to spew their anger at strangers? At least in that moment, they're not happy people. Send love their way. Seriously. It can't hurt.
Hope this helps!!