Pleas help.
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I've hit a block in my story "Falcon's Dream". Here is the last portion I have wrote. Pleas tell me what questions come to your mind. Any thoughts that may help me move forward. Georgiana is a shape shifter. Darien is a were falcon.

Around them everyone talked excitedly about the turn of events. The last single member of the family now half mated.  It seemed everyone was talking except Georgiana. Darien shot a couple looks at the quiet girl in his arms.


“I think I need to take this beautiful woman out to dinner. We have a lot to talk about.” He smiled at his new family and pulled her out of the yard and to his large pickup truck. She retracted her wings and he put his leather jacket over her bare shoulders.


“Where would you like to go eat?”


“There’s an Italian place about 4 blocks from my coffee shop that is really good. It is also quite. A good place to get to know each other.”


“Is that why you are so quiet? I know you don’t me yet. I promise I will be a complete gentleman. When you are ready… If you want to wait till we find our third?”


“No. It’s not that. I feel like I have loved you for my whole life. I have been obsessed with you since the dreams started. I know our third will come when he is suppose to. I love him. You are both mine.”


“Then what is it? I will move the world for you.”


“It’s … I… You are a falcon Prince. I’m not falcon. Who knows what our third is? What will they think? Don’t they expect you to marry in your race? How will they ever accept a Queen who is not falcon? What role will our third play?”


“Georgiana, sweetheart, You have not even met my flock. Don’t be so quick to judge them. Three days ago I told my parents that Fiona was not my true mate. They know that there is a good chance neither of you will be falcon. All they want to do is rejoice over the true mate bond. It is a rare gift for a falcon. As their Prince it is a gift to our flock as well. Give them a chance.”


“Ok. I guess I kind of have to. So… when do we go?” She gave a half hearted smile.


“Well, how long will it take for you to get ready?”


Over manicotti and garlic bread they planned out there next few days. Georgiana would sign over her part of the coffee shop to Fiona. Her apartment would be packed and most of her things shipped to her new home. She carried only a duffel bag with her.


On Friday they said goodbye to her family and headed south to Northern Arkansas. They decided to take as many side roads as they could to increase their chance of finding their third.






Heart pulled his Harley into the small diner in Southern Missouri. Looking around him he sighed. The town was so small calling it a town seemed like a joke. That was why he picked it today.


He was nearly seven months into his one year furlough. That’s how long he had to find love or go home. Gabriel had warned him he could not come home after that.


Last week he made a desperate move. Asking an old friend to break rules was not something he took lightly. He knew well the punishment they could both receive. All Marcus felt safe telling him was to hover around small towns near I 55.


This place fit the bill. A tiny flicker of hope stirred within him. It gave him enough strength to get off his bike and go into the small, outdated, diner. It was one of those back road places that was a hub for everyone in a 50 mile radius. Heart counted himself lucky to get a bench by the big window.


He ordered coffee and felt a small twinge of pride that he no longer felt awkward placing an order if he kept to the basics.


When he came here he had been given a basic human education for a twenty five year old man. He had also been told of the supernatural groups. Knowing how to do basic things and doing them, however, had proven to be very different things. As much as he longed for his mates, he was glad they had not been around in those early days.


The purr of a truck engine caught his attention. Among the half dozen trucks that filled the parking area beyond the window this one felt different. He stared at the silver beast with his heart in his throat. The sun seemed to focus as a tall, dark, handsome man emerged and looked around. He looked back into the truck for a moment then made his way around the passenger side. The door opened and a raven haired angel emerged.


The couple closed the truck door and met his gaze straight on. Everything in Heart’s existence fell into place. Home took on a new meaning. Everything he thought he knew about this world shifted and became better.


After what felt like the longest moment of any of their lives Georgiana and Darien made their way too Heart’s booth. He stood and the three of them held each other for a long moment. Heart felt like he was back in heaven. After a moment he corrected that thought. Heaven had always been a lonely place for him. This was far more than anything he ever knew could exist.


Darien stepped back for a moment. Ana wrapped her arms around Heart. He bent down and kissed her with everything in him. Her lips branded him too his very soul.


“Welcome to the family my love.” She whispered. Sitting in the booth she pulled Heart down next to her. Darien sat across from them. Their smiles filled the room with such light the other patrons could not help but take a moment to stare at them.


A waitress scurried over to their table with menus. After a quick glance breakfast was ordered and the trio was left alone.


“Brother! It is so good to finally meet you. I am Darien. This is our bride Georgiana.”


“My name is Heart. I can’t tell you how relieved I am too find you after all these months. May I ask, what are you. Clearly you are not human like those here.”


“You may ask us anything my darling. We are yours now. I am a shifter. Darien is a Were Falcon.” Ana laughed softly. The sound wrapped around him and held him spellbound for a moment.


“I thought Were creatures are shifters?”


“We are. The difference is genetic. Were can only shift into one animal. The one we were born too as our ancestors before us. Pure shifters like our bride can change into anything she chooses. A few days ago when I found her, she was in a half eagle form along with one brother. Her other brother and her parents were massive lions.”  Darien stroked Ana’s hand across the table.


“What are you Heart? You are not human any more than we are.” She asked gently.


“I am an Angel.” His deep voice held a note of nervousness and uncertainty.


“Wow! I never met an angel before. I had no idea you could live in this dimension, let alone mate.”


“We have free will just like everyone else. I have felt alone for a long time. A year ago I decided I no longer wanted to exist without human love. I wanted what so many humans I saw had. The look in their eyes... It became all I ever thought of. I was given three months of preparation. I came here and have been living among humans ever since.”  


“You gave up heaven for us?” Ana whispered in awe.


“Without my true loves heaven is just a place. It is nothing to me compared to touching and kissing you. Here, with you both, this is heaven.”


“Well this just sucks!”


“What dose dear?” Darien asked trying not to laugh at her.


“You’re a Prince. Heart is an angel. There is not one thing special about me.”


“Georgiana, you are the best of us. You are the reason we exist. Everything we are or will ever be is because of you.” Heart spoke with desperate urgency.


“Heart is right love. Without you nothing in this world matters. I searched three states for you and Heart lift Heaven to love you. Besides, being a shifter is pretty amazing.”







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Replies
  • Thanks so much for the input. I have not begun to start editing yet so I know there is a lot of work to be done in that department. I will definitely apply your notes on that.

    Thanks for the ideas. :)

  • I have some tips for you. Do not be alarmed. These are small, mirror errors that I noticed in what you shared and just wanted to make you were aware of them:

    *Change “half mated” in the second sentence to: half-mated

    *Spell out all numbers (4= four, 50= fifty)

    * There is a word missing in the 5th paragraph “I know you don’t know me yet.”

    *Change “suppose to” to: supposed to

    *“How will they ever accept a Queen who is not a falcon?”

    *Fix the uppercase “Y” for “You” to lowercase: “Georgiana, sweetheart, you have not met my flock.”

    *Check for commas, there could be a few more, especially at the beginning of sentences and before names or nicknames. EX: “What are you, Heart?”

    *“Over manicotti and garlic bread they planned out their next few days.”

    *I’m a bit confused by this sentence: “All Marcus felt safe telling him was to hover around small towns near I-55.” Just make sure nothing is missing from it.

    *small, outdated diner (remove the second comma after “outdated”)

    * half-hearted,twenty-five-year-old man, half-dozen trucks, raven-haired angel,

    *The h in Heaven should be uppercase

    “Welcome to the family, my love,” she whispered.

    *“I thought Were Creatures were Shifters.” I think the “c” in creatures should be capital.

    *”and Heart left Heaven to love you.”

     

    I love the name Heart for a character. And I really like the part where you wrote about him. It seemed more together, well-written, and interesting. From the moment Georgiana, Darien, and Heart were united, the story gets better.  I am actually curious to what should happen next. I do have some thoughts of what you could write:

    1.) Tell us how they get to know each other.

    2.) Continue the journey to Darien’s flock.

    3.) Describe the first time the three of them mate.

    4.) Talk about the moment Georgiana and Heart meet Darien’s flock.

    5.) Perhaps create conflict between Darien’s flock and his mates.

    6.) You could let Georgiana get closer to, and love one of the men more than the other and create some drama between the three of them.

    7.) You could put one of them in danger further in the story (maybe one of them gets hurt) and they fear that the three of them may be broken.

    8.) Describe the ceremony where the three of them become a unit.

     

    There are many possibilities. I hope I was able to give you some ideas. Good luck!