how to write about your mother - without her finding out
Posted by

is this even possible? i find it very therapeutic to write about my mom but live in constant fear she will find out and trust me she won't find the humour in it 



  • Oh I write about my mother in my blog pretty often.  I find it cathartic after her visits to my home.  It does help that she's 81 and not internet savvy at all...

    Here's an example of a recent visit this summer:

     The Diabolical Poodle Strikes Again...

    I have four children and I must admit I am terrified of what they might writer about me in the future!


  • Hi Beverly,

    One of the characters in my book is my mother and she didn't recognize herself, despite the fact that the character was the mother of the heroine.  I went so far as to pluck one of her childhood stories and put it in and she still didnt' see herself.  This is an advantage of fiction, even if the character is 98% true to form, the 2% will completely throw the victim off the trail.  It also helped that the story was fun and there would be no lasting damage if she figured out it was her.  If I were writing truth, It would likely be a different experience entirely.

  • I don't know if this is possible. I'd like to think it is, but I haven't proven it to be so thus far in my life. So far, I've mostly written in places where she won't find me, but I am also naturally reluctant to have others read my work (go figure! I'm supposed to earn money from this stuff!). I'll let you know if I ever come up with a satisfactory answer.

  • Wow, what a story your mother has! You should write her story for her ;0) I think a lot of our mothers were raised to keep things to themselves. I, however, was raised in the Oprah and talk show generation and spill it all! I find it more therapeutic than detrimental the majority of the time. Holding it in is cancerous, in my opinion.

  • You know, it's really reassuring to read that others struggle with the nakedness of memoir - I have distinctly warned my mother against reading mine, and haven't even DARED tell my father, about whom I've written so much! Good luck with your mother's visit!

  • I wish you luck, Beverly...laughing as I wish, but truly do hope things go well. Still, pls let me know when that post is up!

  • thanks so much for the kind words. i blogged again a couple of days ago. my mother is coming for a 5 week visit. wish me luck


  • Awl... now that post was singular. I, too, stopped in for your title, and byline. Really comedic, and great writing! 

  • I came to the post because of the title  ;D.

    I write the truth, don't tell my family except my bro about my blog, and don't worry too much about it.  I imagine if she or anyone came to the page they might be upset, but truth wins out for me.  I don't set out to be hurtful, and my writing is based not on a rant but on reflection.  I own my part in the reflection when I write so there is a balance -- even at 4-years-old.  Right now, you won't find writing about family on my blog because I revamped it completely and in so doing lost some of that writing; but it will be there again . . .   beeeee brave!

  • thanks for the replies and advice. it seems like every part of my writing revolves around my childhood or my relationship with my mom. i must at some point come to terms with that and my poor punctuation skills. i think it is also holds true that you don't always receive support from those closest to you. some of my most treasured words of encouragement have come from complete strangers