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***What I am trying to convey, is that my book is primarily from the POV of Sylvia and her daughter, but the other women in their lives have a voice as well. Sylvia's friend and beauty shop owner, Madge, has an important voice; as does Aunt Hat, Sylvia and Sassy's only living relative. The women who frequent the beauty shop have their finger on the pulse of this little town and don't hesitate to comment on everyone in it.***
Dear
It is the summer of 1955 in the little mining town of Coal Valley, and things are about to heat up for Sassy Richardson. Sassy is turning thirteen and has been brought up on a stiff dose of Mama’s lessons on how to be a lady, even though Mama drinks beer, smokes, and dates a myriad of men. Then the day comes when a woman marches into the Cut and Curl Beauty Shop where Mama works, and accuses her of trying to steal her husband. Sassy discovers over time Mama’s own harsh teen years – death; an early marriage; war; childbirth; and a breakdown.
Sylvia Richardson is the quintessential Appalachian woman of her day, a survivor in an unforgiving world. If she had gotten her way, she would have danced through life in red high heels to the melody of a Hank Snow record. Instead, she is raising her daughter alone. Sylvia must make her own discoveries, that even the worst decisions can be rescued and the deepest wounds can be healed if you have the love and support of kith and kin.
Mama’s Shoes is my 103,000 word debut novel. Spanning twenty years, it explores love and loss, despair and forgiveness through the lives of Sylvia and Sassy Richardson. A cadence of female voices weaves a spell of mountain lore and secrets, defines family as more than blood kin, and proves second chances can bring happiness.
Mama’s Shoes is an upmarket novel infused with southern mountain culture reminiscent of Amy Greene’s Bloodroot, while capturing the soul and humor of a small town that resonates from Fannie Flagg’s novels.
I am a lifelong resident of the coalfields of Appalachia, where I teach English and literature. I am a consultant for the University of Virginia's Appalachian Writing Project, an active member of the National Writing Project, the Appalachian Author’s Guild, and networked with Appalachian authors through my study at the Appalachian Writer's Workshop. My work has appeared in numerous publications, including A Cup of Comfort: Dog Lovers II and The Literary Journal of the Virginia Writing Project. I won first and third place in the 2010 Appalachian Author’s Guild Short Story Contest.
I would be delighted to send the manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time.
Rebecca Elswick
As we say down here - 'I preciate you!' I've obsessed over this query more than I have the novel.
Rebecca, I agree, best version so far:))) I love the personality of both graphs of each Sassy and Sylvia.
I know you've explained that there are many narrators for your novel, but two is probably a good number for the query, instead of 5, 6...
Great job, you go girl!
A query is A) very short and B) a letter from you to an agent. So it only makes sense to put it in first person.
But after the ink was dry on my agency contract, my agent asked me to rewrite and expand my bio... in the 3rd person. Because the bio would be included in her pitch package to editors. Let the context be your guide!
Thank you! I did have my bio in third person, but multiple people suggested I use "first person." I guess that's like the song, "You say to-ma-to; I say to-mat-o..."
I appreciate your help!
This truly is your best version so far.
Resist the temptation to add and make it longer again. Exception: perhaps take out the sentence "sassy discovers... breakdown" and revamp it to a more place-based statement. Example: "Sassy stops mid-stroke, the curls of hair on the floor hovering at the lip of the dustpan. The accusation against her mother will unspool further revelations about Mama's harsh teen years, an early marriage, war, childbirth and a breakdown." I'm just trying to keep you in the scene for one more sentence. The Hank Snow record does this well for the second graf.
I don't love the upmarket line, but I don't hate it either. The tie-in to those other works feels seamless enough.
Nitpick: cadence means rhythm. Try the word "medley" instead? Chorus?
Your bio graph is perfect, and should remain in the first person.
Wow -- it has come alive! Nice job, Rebecca.
My only suggestion at this point is chuck the paragraph 'Mama's Shoes is an upmarket novel..."
I'm sure other people will disagree with that, as it's commonly advised to offer comparisons to existing successful works. To me, it distracts from your own. But I also feel that the letter remains a tad too long and that paragraph is the only material that can be deleted without subtracting important information.
Go with what works for you.
I know that it's a personal preference, but I've seen multiple articles on query letters say not to use "I", even in the biography. Personally, I think that feels artificial, but you may want to look into that.
I would also like to hear a bit more about what discoveries and decisions she made in the second paragraph. It's piqued my interest, but I don't know if it gives enough detail.