Baby Boomers--the sandwich generation
I prefer to think of myself as the Oreo Cookie Generation, but regardless, many of us are taking care or have aging parents to worry about and still are raising children or helping adult children--regardless of their ages. My baby girl is 25 and has been somewhat independent for years. She still needs us to help her and sustain her in many ways. We have two elderly widowed mothers in another state. I don't think I can talk about that and stay sober. This is a sandwiched situation. Are any of the rest of the boomers in the sandwich situation?
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Replies
  • My comment wasn't specifically about your column, just the use of the phrase "sandwich generation". I think it's way too benign for the pain - and ambivalence - that many of us live with. I don't think it does justice to all the issues we have to face.
  • Guess you didn't read my column: Sandwich generation: make happiness the filling. ttttt My mother is post-stroke and early Alzheimer's. Just moved in with her. Two days and I can see it is much worse than I anticipated. Got ambivalence?
  • I hate, loathe, despise the phrase "sandwich generation". I love shrimp po'boys, and salmon BLT's, and gooey grilled cheese. I prefer to think of my situation - married, 16 year old daughter, with a widowed mother 300 miles away - not as a sandwich - something yummy - but as being on 'the rack'. I feel like I'm being pulled in opposite directions pretty much every day. It's torture, and my guilt is always with me. I'd like to retire "sandwich generation" as a discriptor.
  • Terri: You have the demographics right. In 1900 half of all children born were dead by the age of 15 from childhood diseases, poor sanitation, accidents, and starvation. When Medicare came alongin the l960's, 65 was old. But,Medicare put money into treatment for diseases of aging resulting in prolongation of life. Now the birth rate in industrialized nations is down, but longevity has taken a huge jump. If the "me" genertion and "Gen-Xers" stay home, who's gonna take care of us Boomers? Boomers: work harder, work longer (despite age descrimination in the techie age.) Your progenies' progeny depend on you! Several of my close "boomer" friends have reared multiple grandchildren. In fact, the most revered person in the lives of many of my inmate-clients was their G-Mom.
  • Before the Boomers began to grow up, most families dealt with aging parents by having them live with them. I wonder if Alzheimers was as epidemic generations before ours. My grandmother had it and was the last sibling in her family. So we don't know if the disease goes back to further generations. People are living longer and longer allowing us to see more and more aging patterns. Also, young people use to leave home much younger than the boomer's kids do. Women married as soon as they could walk to the church or court house. (Exaggeration of course.) Possibly, the "sandwich/Oreo Cookie" generation was not as much of a problem? Any comments? I'm always curious about things I don't have an answer for.
  • I sympathize with your situation, Terri, having survived transitioning my mother with dementia from independent living to a nursing home, where she died peacefully. As for our children, it looked like our older son would become a successful lawyer, but the bottom fell out of the economy just as he passed the bar. He hasn't been able to find employment, so I'm helping him pay off his law school debt with my meager retirement pension. The younger son is on a spiritual journey, for which he expects my husband and me to donate. It's unfortunate that we can't write off either son as charitable or education expenses. We've been renting out our treehouse to help with finances, which is actually a lot of fun. I'm learning to meditate and accept this aging process with grace.
  • Wow. I'm just moving 220 miles to take care of my mother who was doing great until age 82 when she started having small strokes. My eldest daughter has severe mental illness and no insight into that fact so refuses appropriate treatment. I've been paying her way for the last three years. It's exhausting. I think I'll write my next article about this.