So many times have I spent ignorant of reality, lost in bliss until my face finds the floor again. For now I am a deity, righteous in my state of wavering sobriety and the butcher of my own dreams. Life will pass me by, but only because I let it. I can’t help but ask myself, “How much pain can the heart take until it begins to bleed into your soul and you can feel no more?” As I gaze at each mystical new sunset, uniquely divine from its predecessor, I wonder what blunders lay hidden in my next days path? from where my life’s perilous whirlwind has taken me so far “god only knows” I tell myself, but for this I am thankful.

As I sit smiling watching the beautiful sunset, fearlessly preparing myself for the nightmare to come, I elegantly whisper to myself, “tomorrow is going to come, there is no stopping that so I am thankful for my chaotic and glorious young life. It damn sure has taught me how not to live by teaching me how to hurt, and how to embrace each and every breath, and I wouldn’t have it any other way”.

My father was my idol, he passed away due to cancer (luekemia) in December of 2006. My father never had one sip of alchohoI my entire life, due to the fact that he was a heavy drinker in his twenties and almost died because of his drinking problem due to liver failure. He was a loving father and a great man I would give my life if it meant bringing him back!

When I turned 19, it would be the first year of my life that my father would would break his 30 years of sobrieghty and drink a beer again. This happened after my mother, his wife and the love of his life "tell death do they part" suddenly and shockingly left him.

I saw my fathers heart break before my very eyes the day it happened, and from that point he was lost. My warrior dad quickly went from drinking a few beers to try and help dull the pain to becoming a full blown alchoholic within a matter of weeks. And no matter how hard me and my brothers tried we could never close the huge wound in my fathers heart and get him to be the man who had raised us again. But no matter what he never stopped loving us with all of his heart.

My father passed away at the young age of 53 on December 1st, 2006, two weeks before I would graduate from Florida State University with my bachelors degree, and the week before my final exams, it crushed me. He left behind three loving sons when he left us for a better place than this world could offer him.

In September of 2009 out of no where I became inspired to write my novel HOW NOT TO LIVE. It is written and dedicated to my father and is the story of what happened from the point when he was first diagnosed with cancer (luekemia) in 1998 and tells what happened from then on through my eyes. I am not going to tell you a whole bunch of lies to make me look good, I am just going to tell you what happened.

The Old General lets the world know one last time through the sound of his ferocious war cry that he will not be conquered by this world. He will never give in, not now, not ever! Meanwhile Life’s ruthless scavengers smell the blood of a weary war hero and begin their slow circular descent overhead. Without fear, the man I called Rock and loved with all my heart, stands proud and strong without anyone by his side. Rock lets out one last rebellious roar of defiance.

"Tell life, like I have told him every time he has tried to take me before, I won’t be leaving this world on life’s cruel terms—not like my mother, or my father. The only man who has that right, is me and I will determine when my life will finally be taken by the wind!"

I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU OR STOP LOVING YOU BIG GUY THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!!!

No, but would like to.