By Susan Binau, Cancer Survivor and Published Author
Mommy, Can I Call You In Heaven?: How we coped with cancer as a family
I couldn’t live my life to the fullest if I didn’t face the possibility of not surviving. The battle against cancer transformed my life, but I never asked the “Why me?” question. Instead, I focused on planning for the end of my life in case I didn’t survive.
How do you find the strength to carry on when you don't even know if you will be alive in 3 months.
Leaving the “Land of Hope” and crossing over to “Reality Land” was not easy. I had to find a balance between hope, where I was focused on positive thoughts and best-case scenarios, and facing reality, which meant being honest about the simple fact that I might die soon.
When I began to prepare my “Plan B,” I discovered that there was nowhere I could turn for answers. Navigating through “Reality Land” was like driving a car for the first time while wearing a blindfold. I didn’t have a map to help me find my way. Instead, I had to use my inner heart compass.
Up to this point in my life, I had always traveled a lot and found it necessary to have a Plan B for the children, in case anything happened to me in my travels. This time, however, I felt an urge to rewrite Plan B to cover not only the logistics of care but also my legacy.
I remember that friends and family would say things like, “Susan, just stay positive; everything will be fine,” or, “Isn’t it a bit too early to talk to your children about dying?”; but all this well-meaning advice came from people who had never experienced a life-threatening disease firsthand.
I was very touched by their concern for me, but at the time, hope wasn’t an issue for which I needed help. I was already hoping and praying every day. Of greater importance to me then was a strong feeling that I both wanted and needed to be a responsible mom.
I had seen too many children left behind when their parents passed away without a chance to say goodbye. Planning my legacy when I was seriously ill was like taking out an extended insurance policy; I hopefully wasn’t going to use it tomorrow, but in case I had to, it was a peaceful feeling to know that my family would be in safe hands.
Susan Binau
About Susan Binau
Susan is a motivational speaker, published author, and survivor of cancer and other life-threatening illnesses that changed her perspective on life.
Her mission is to inspire others through "hands-on tools," educational programs, coaching and self-help books.
www.susanbinau.com