• Rhonda Collins posted a status
    DEAR DAUGHTERS, I'll make this quick as I know you are busy: If you are a daughter you may have days you do not understand your mother Maybe something on this short five topics list will resonate. 1. Why does my mother cry? From the moment she finds out she is pregnant she is overwhelmed with joyful tears. Or if she is scared as hell because right now the timing is odd, unexpected, early or late in years where she is ill-prepared. She may be too young or too old, too busy or just plain terrified because the world is in chaos and she can not imagine bringing a child into the fray, having another human to protect when in fact she is having difficulty protecting herself. She might be crying tears of exhaustion from a long day of work — or has no job and is fearful of how she will support another mouth to feed. She will cry tears when she is happy, sad, anxious, or mad. Once you are born, she may shed tears of joy or relief that you are in fact alive and healthy, she may sob for days worrying if you are born blue from the cord wrapped around your neck, or worse. She may stand over an incubator for days, months, or longer praying that everything is going to be ok. She will surely cry tears when the doctor and nurse huddle in whispers ~ while she is fearing the worst, they may be deciding what toppings they want on a pizza ~ oftentimes mothers cry about the unknown. 2. Why does my mother say NO, ALL THE TIME? In early years your mother says no to save you from a hot burner or crossing a street into oncoming traffic. She might object to objects inserted into your mouth which could prove to be hazardous, even deadly. As you grow up, the intensity of the NO revs up slightly because she worries you might crash the car or ingest something hazardous or deadly on purpose. She may have past experience with an unwanted ride, assault, or potentially may have lost someone she loves to drugs and alcohol. In this case, she will be much more frequent with her NOs for reasons that have nothing to do with you, but she is your mother and as such has every right to use the "n" word. Later, as you become that eighteen to twenty-something daughter, she’ll use her no’s more sparingly in hope that she’s raised you right and you’ll say no on your own. A mother rarely says no to intentionally inflict a negative reaction or from a place of negativity. Mothers who don’t use the word no are simply protecting their daughters in other ways I hope, though we all know a few moms who just don’t care enough to say no. In those instances bring your pal over to your mom's house for protection when necessary. You’ll recognize these friends who are out late partying with no adults present and they’ll be acting out in a way that screams internally they wish their mother cared enough to say no. As an adult, your mother will use no only on rare occasions because she’s now old enough to understand why moms say no, when to brave using it, and when it will boomerang and reverse its effectiveness and antagonize a situation. 3. Why does she continue to embarrass me? The years leading up to this question, you saw your mother as an altruistic being of all things food and light. Her dance moves made you giggle and join in as soon as you could stand up! You sang along with her in the tub, shower, car, or picnic venues at the top of your lungs, tone-deaf or not. Young came to her with questions about old people’s wrinkles, or offerings of worms and dandelions because you trust and love her. The embarrassing mom phase varies in onset and intensity for obvious reasons. There is an entire line of consumer products for “the cool mom” but during the embarrassing stage you will not understand why she offers the entire neighborhood a ride. (This includes the cute boy you barely know) She insists you move over or squeeze in tight so another can jump in the car on snowy days when the bus is late. She shows up with snacks for everyone on the team, volunteers at the dance, coaches little league. You have no clue at this point that in fact, your mom is filling in where other parents won’t, don’t, can’t, or could care less about stepping up so that fun can be had by all. Moms are volunteering hours or years of their lives when a nice hot bath alone is the other option but someone has to do it or you won’t have a Friday Fun Night at school. 4. Why does she wake me for school? You might ask this question, then BAM, one day you’re longing to go back. 5. Why is my mom so mean? If you are lucky enough to still have a mother in your life after eighteen, there will be tough times. She may disappear for a week to write a poem or visit a foreign country. She may disagree or disapprove or discuss how your behavior hurts her and this is hard stuff. There is no age where we don’t need our mothers anymore, yet we find them burdensome or annoying—right up until they are gone and we learn about the love-hate line being so thin. There are entire sections in book stores for a more in-depth study of this mother-daughter dynamic, but here’s hoping during this stressful pandemic time you can make time to read just this little blurb and call or email your mother to say thanks or I love you in spite of it all.

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