Backstory: I have a nonepileptic seizure disorder. It is now well controlled, but unfortunately, it is still photically triggered by light flashing at certain frequencies -- for example, the lights of police, fire, EMT, and other emergency vehicles. This is actually fairly well known where I live; there are EMTs who have greeted me with, "Oh, it's you. I remember you." On Wednesday, August 19, 2009, around 4:40 PM, I stepped onto my porch and saw two police cars apparently dealing with the aftermath of an incident. Before I could cover my eyes and turn around, I saw that the empty car obstructed a lane of traffic and edged into the next, and that the officer in the car at curbside seemed to be taking notes. Both cars had their @%$#@! strobes going. I turned around and attempted to head off the sick feeling by looking at the brick front of the house. Brick, unfortunately, is highly reflective. Stop! Seizure time! I submit that this was an unreasonable police seizure. Under the Fourth Amendment, reasonable grounds for search or seizure include a warrant or probable cause. Neither officer handling whatever incident was going on -- my neighbor couldn't figure out why they were there either -- produced a warrant to cause convulsive movements of my large muscles; indeed, according to the gentleman who actually helped me, neither officer even noticed my having a seizure in broad daylight on the porch. I have no clue what probable cause there would have been to remote-drop me for extremely brief loitering on the porch of the house in which I rent an apartment -- intent to go to my friend's place and commit laundry? And I'm really sorry, but there is no such thing as a "no-knock rule" for my head, unless the "mask of night" speech from Romeo and Juliet is contraband now. Dear Mr. President: I am a professor (albeit one with a severe case of adjunctivitis) who studies African American literature; I am no Dr. Gates, but I can forward my upcoming conference presentation on Samuel R. Delany if you like. Accordingly, instead of a beer -- alcohol plays merry hob with the pharma soup I must take -- I would like a Red Bull: the largest can, please, and not the sugar-free kind. Also, please tell Mrs. Obama for me that I saw nothing imprudent or unusual about hiking in shorts in hot weather. Thank you, Mr. President, and namaste.