She Writes

Catherine Plano
When Soul Mates Become Stale Mates

When Soul Mates Become Stale Mates

Contributor

Written by

Catherine Plano

November 2015

Read more by Catherine Plano

Have you ever stopped and looked at your partner – this person you love with all your heart and felt… utter confusion? What is this ‘stuck’ feeling? What is this slight disdain? What is this gap between what you want in your relationship and what you are currently getting?

Often people will describe such a juncture in a relationship as standing on opposite sides of a divide. You’re waving to each other, but you’re not aligned.

The gap is COMMUNICATION. And language is the tool we use to breach this valley.

It is an odd happenstance that, the longer we are in a relationship with someone, the less we think we ought to have to communicate our needs. From a basic standpoint of accountability, surely it is the individual who is responsible for seeing that these personal needs are met?

If you are lucky enough to have a partner that keeps trying, count your blessings… and if you are brave enough to be the partner that keeps trying, congratulations! This is LOVE.

To experience greater meaning in your life and relationships, to deal with the transitions and changes, and to clarify where you are heading, it is imperative to know and understand two things:

Firstly, that in every relationship you are 100% responsible for your communication, both its meaning and the response you get.

Secondly, that despite the fact that there are two people in your relationship, with similar values, you both have completely different drivers. Drivers govern the things that we do without thinking and often they are the reasons we make decisions (without actually realising where they come from). Let me give you an example.

Imagine, it’s a Saturday night you and your partner are arguing in the kitchen about where to go out for dinner… he/she wants to go to the same old, same old, Thai place around the corner from where you live and you… sick of the same place all the time, filled with sheer frustration yell out “Why do we have to go to the same place all the time? Why can’t we try something different for a change? Don’t you get bored going to the same place all the time?” (If you are chuckling right now, you know exactly what I mean). What happens next? Either an argument; or a stalemate.