Admit it. Life as a middle aged person can be kind of a drag.  Work, work, plod. Worry about the economy. Be nice. Clean the toilet. Yeah.

Forthwith, here are some jazzy comebacks to sprinkle throughout your day. Won't cost you anything, and you'll be glad your impetuous youth is over.  Or these encounters might make you long for senility, when you'll get away with anything.

 If your coworker says "Howzit going?" and you can tell he doesn't give a rip and you think he really thinks he could do your job in half the time (but you might be wrong), say, "Just what do you mean by 'it'"? 

For those times when the MacTeenager at the MacDrivethrough is MacRude and messes up your MacOrder, but you know that only the young and desperate would take such a job:  To her insincere "Have a good one," reply, "Which french fry are you referring to?" 

When you're at the mailbox, and your neighbor, at her mailbox, calls out "How you doing?" Consider, "Oh, I'm all sorts of things."  It could be the start of a deep soul correspondence. Or not. 

"Nice day," says the UPS man.  "Yes, it is," you say, "and I like the way this box smells." 

"How are you?" asks your neighbor who never talks to you.  Look over your shoulder, then say, "Who?"

The clerk at the liquor store has gauges in his ears, a sleeve tattoo, and a pierced lower lip with a soul patch.  "How're you?" He asks.  Recall the magic of the sixties. Then look him in the eye (is it bloodshot?), and say, "I am  Far F**cking Out." 

Those who really lived the sixties may not remember them, but the tribe has to stick together.   Is there something you've always wanted to reply to a cab driver, investment broker, convenience store clerk, telemarketer, department head, certified public accountant, therapist, or zookeeper, but never have?