It may be virtual. It may be your SheWrites connection. It may be a real-live flesh-and-blood meet-where-you-live writers group. Whatever form it takes, whether you read each other’s work, or coach each other through the finding-an-agent, dealing-with-your-editor, marketing-your-book end of things, if you’re going to be a writer, and a daring writer at that, you need pals. You need allies. You need a writers group.
One of the legacies of female culture is that as a cohort, we haven’t yet developed good ways of managing the confusingly twined reactions of jealousy and scarcity. Doing so will create the possibility of helping each other more generously, of giving each other a hand up, and of being helped by each other.
Being in relation with other women writers is a chance to experience these very real and understandable competitive feelings, and find some sliver of a positive way to deal with them. To let them inspire you to work harder, make more connections and feel calm about your own timeline and pace. Whatever the competitive reaction is, you can decide just to recognize it as such, breathe it back out into the world, and be truly happy for your writing friend, grounded in believing that her success does not diminish the chances for your own.
True, it’s not an easy thing to do.
The friendships, the real relationships, the sense of shared goodness in a healthy writers group can give you a compelling reason to turn the negative competitive feelings into more positive competition, something that inspires you instead of dragging you down. That’s when another’s success increases the chances of our own. Believe me, you want to have successful writer friends, you really do, so you can be bolstered by everyone else’s publishing world contacts and writerly insight. Consider that vision!
I’ll end with three ground rules I’ve learned from being part of a writers group that’s somehow kept me from throwing in the towel.
***
She-Writers, take it away and tell us what you know.
* This post was originally published in April 2011.
This was an enjoyable post! I found it to be very helpful and I know where I am at to obtain the best help possible.....when that time comes. Thanks!! Sandy
Wonderful advice, thank you. I have been struggling to find a local writers group. It would be an absolute dream to be able to meet face to face with other writers for critiques and commiseration. I have tried doing general online searches for local groups but have only found paying workshops and retreats. How do you find like-minded local writers?
I am just about to finish my degree in Creative Writing, and I've been disappointed to find that I haven't really found a writing clique there. In three years I couldn't honestly say that I've had chemistry with any of them. In fact, I've found most of them to be bloody weirdos. Luckily, I've recently found a lot of online women's/feminist writing communities, and it has definitely helped me to feel part of something. I've been particularly conscious of feeling isolated as a writer because I'm just about to move away from the city, and so this online connection will probably end up being my life line. I'd love to find a group of 3-dimensional writers to hang out with in real life, and it be great to hear how those that do have writing groups ended up finding them.
This makes me sound like a bit of a sad-sack. I do have friends, just not writing friends.
Thank you for this fantastic advice.
Great advice, as usual. The one thing I'm learning is that you can't please everyone, (even your biggest group supporters) so do what feels right to you. I spent many years writing what I thought people would want to read rather than what I needed to put out there for myself. Now that I've started writing from my heart, rather than my head, the words flow like water I am so grateful that I was able to stop worrying about who would or wouldn't like it.
I couldn't agree with you more that writing groups are wonderful. I love my writing group -- all women. It's been essential to my efforts to write my first book. We don't have any competitive feelings that I'm aware of, though, as we all do such different things, albeit nonfiction.
Um, Miriam Peskowitz, will you pls move to NYC and be in MY writer's group? I love everything you've written above so much, I'm finding it hard to figure out what to pull out for the tweet I'm about to share, sending people here. Your savvy is priceless. And your generous spirit makes the whole thing -- and you, my dear -- soar.
For those seeking groups: I just enlisted She Writes' own Sarah Saffian of The Vertical Pronoun to lead a group I'm a part of -- more about Sarah's general offering, here: http:/ / www.saffian.com/ workshops.htm
do you know any Italian women writers who want to creat a virtual writers grousp with me? I'm a published novel writer and fimaker and I miss my NY writers group when I was student there so much!! GRAZIE
You are welcome. Our forum has been variously active and inactive. We have mostly published writers, all women. Some of us were a part of a writer's group that was wonderful, but ran its course, leaving us a bit bereft. We would love to have about a dozen active members. http:/ / www.wewritestuff.com
Erin, there are many writer's Meetups in my area.
So where have y'all gone to find your writer's groups?
I think your point about competition is well taken, and women should heed it. Wanting to outdo others isn't a bad thing, but it has to be managed-- and no one enjoys criticism, but that's part of competing.
@Cathy -- thank you, hoohaa is the perfect word!
The taking of criticism is so complex, isn't it. We are so strong, and yet.
@Elizabeth, thanks for the open, generous offer.
Our writing group is looking for new, active members: http:/ / www.wewritestuff.com