Some life lessons are easily missed so you get it repeatedly until you scream OKAY GOD, I GOT IT!!!  This one lesson made its return nearly a year ago and has been on my mind a lot lately, so I like to get it out of my head and share it and just maybe someone else can gleam something from it... 

Although allusive at first, I recognized this lesson in the end, though it wore different clothes, inhabited different people and was staged at a new venue. More than a year ago, I was in a bad place in my life mentally, spiritually and financially.  On top of that, I had taken employment that I thought was far beneath my skill set and paid much  too little for the amount of work required -- it was the only thing available to me at the time.  Although in retrospect I did meet some incredible people who were also transitioning in their lives, not to mention this position provided a lot of great material for my writing career.  Anyway, back to the pity party...This day was not a good day at work, there must have been something in the air because a lot of the customers were having a bad day and came equipped to make many complaints, deserving or not.  Maybe it had something to do with being cold and overcast in Los Angeles.

WARNING!!!!  SIDE NOTE RANTING: It never ceases to amaze me how so many people feel there's something undignified about people that work in customer service positions, that uniformed people are there to be mocked, to be the receptacles for anger and grief, to be the listener to all woes, to cater to every whim whether its related to the customer service position or not.  Maybe people feel that CSRs are a safe place to dump.  CSRs, in most cases are overworked and under paid; they cannot say anything or react to these inconveniences, or mental and emotional cruelties that are heaped on them by people who could benefit a lot by sitting on two  or three psychiatrist couches.   CSRs usually put up with all this crap because there's a lot at stake, namely their livelihood.  The bottom line is, just because someone wears a uniform doesn't make them any less human.  So be kind to your customer service reps, for in these economic times, you just might find your self behind a counter receiving the same dish that you served up at an earlier time.  -- END OF SIDE NOTE RANTING.

On that memorable day, I decided to take a long walk in lieu of a lunch just to calm my aching nerves and get away from all the madness.  As I walked down the street, I came upon a homeless gathering of folks near the local Big Lots; it was near dusk and they were already jockeying for a prime position by a vent that pushed out warm air.  That's when the realization came to me that life was not as difficult as it could be, for at least I still had a place to live, something to eat, and a place that I could hone my craft, and a tiny salary job to keep me fed.  Life as I saw it was looking better and better the further I walked along this long stream of troubled and displaced family members.  That was a good lesson, right?  That alone was worth the walk, but noooo, that was not the lesson, or at least not in its entirety.

Further down this long evening stroll, I came upon an older woman -- she got my attention because she looked as though she might have been the same age as my own mother.  The deep grooves in her skin were spackled with hygienic neglect, her hair matted and littered with evidences of the many streets that she had laid without a pillow, her clothes four or five layers high with not one clean layer to speak of and when she laughed, I saw that many of her teeth were missing.  I wondered if she was someone's mother, sister, or friend; I wondered if those same people were looking for her wondering in quiet desperation where she might have disappeared to or even if she was still alive.

I wondered what major catastrophe must have occurred that her life should reach such a mammoth shamble.  I thought, something unimaginable must have pushed  her from security to the streets causing her to vie for one uncertain spot after another, rowing a grocery cart with all her worldly possessions about, always moving because businesses don't want "her kind" anywhere near them, for it makes their customers feel uncomfortable.   Whatever road this woman must have trodden before she got to that prime spot in front of the vent, she was now at the intersection of me and Big Lots.  I was filled with mix emotions; sadness for this homeless woman, but at the same time I thought about how much better my life's circumstance was than hers, and how I should be grateful.  Good lesson, right?  Oh, but there's more...

When I passed by this woman, I heard a loud and boisterous laughter and not the friendly kind either.  She had obvious mental issues, but I have to say that she was brilliant in her ranting.  When she saw me coming, something inside her or should I say the many 'someones' that live inside her head thought that there was something truly humorous about my state of mind.

This is how the conversation and interactions played out...

Homeless Woman:  Look at huh, she don't even know!

(The woman burst into laughter as she took her belongings out of her grocery cart and stacked them on the ground beside and around her, preparing for the long evening.  She stared at me out the corner of her eyes as she made her transition to the pavement.)

Invisible Mind Friend: Yeah, she's a sad case ain't she? (more laughter ensued)

Me, well I just look confused and a little befuddle by the attention from this woman and her mind friend.

HW:  Bitch look'n at me like there's sum'in wrong, she don't even know. (her laughter became more taunting.)

Me, still in disbelief that this woman had targeted me for a life lesson.

IMF: Be quiet, she might hear you.

HW:  I don't care what she hears or thinks for that matter, I know who I am.  (laughter)

You can pretty much guess where the vein of this one-sided conversation went.  As hostile as this encounter was, I found it profound and heaven sent; the vulgarity of it all was really to just get my attention and it worked too!  There I was, placing myself in the same kind of hierarchy that I was complaining about before I rounded that corner, but the Universe opened my eyes that day.

Overlooking the fact that this special message was sent through a homeless, mentally unstable, somewhat hostile but insightful woman, I got it!   She was the VOICE and the FACE of God on that day, on that spot, in that moment.  Wedged between her ranting, I heard God speak...

"I KNOW WHO I AM."

That one statement was scorched into my consciousness like lightening scorches the soil.  That day I realized that I allowed myself to fall under a hypnotic spell of misinformation.  I started to believe that I was less than a child of God because other's believed that I was.  I let my happiness be determined by outside influences, not my lifeline to the kingdom above.  I allowed myself to believe that I had arrived instead of just passing through; I allowed myself to believe that I was forsaken, denied the opportunity to do what my soul called out for me to do.  But on this day, I believed that this chance encounter was a way for God SNAPPING ME OUT OF ILLUSION to say I SEE YOU.

Then I got to thinking, how is it that this homeless woman who, seemingly have nothing at all can still find happiness?  Could it be that one day she decided that no one will determine her worth by her financial lacking, that despite her circumstances she was worthy of being happy.  Or, could it be that when the world no longer provided her with what she thought she was worthy of she created her own world, furnished it with people that she could trust, someone that she confide in her loneliness.  Who's to say one way is right and the other is wrong?  This homeless woman lived on the streets but she was happy, based on the laughter that I continued to hear at my back as I returned back to the work that had caused me so much grief.   When I walked back through those tall glass doors that time, it was far easier, because I REMEMBERED WHO I WAS... AND STILL AM!!!